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Not certain I pass well

Started by staypositive1, May 29, 2014, 11:38:10 AM

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staypositive1

I'm at a point where I don't know how well I pass.
I don't hear what people think often, and I get paranoid, like everyone can tell sometimes.
When I bought alcohol at the store and showed my female id-card and they replied "what, you're not a boy?", and acted all shocked.
That makes me happy though. But I feel like I look like a douchebag sometimes, like something isn't right. Whether it's poorly clothes that shrink/too big etc. Always something.

How do you deal with it?
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Jessica Merriman

I know this may sound silly or something, but as long as I pass to myself I could give two bits about what others think. As long as I am happy, comfortable and secure with who I am nothing bothers me. Don't let others dictate your happiness. Mess with them and totally enjoy it! ;D I am not in any way down playing how you feel at all. Just be YOU and live YOUR life. The rest can get over it or get out of Dodge. :)
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Gina Taylor

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 29, 2014, 11:48:48 AM
I know this may sound silly or something, but as long as I pass to myself I could give two bits about what others think. As long as I am happy, comfortable and secure with who I am nothing bothers me. Don't let others dictate your happiness. Mess with them and totally enjoy it! ;D I am not in any way down playing how you feel at all. Just be YOU and live YOUR life. The rest can get over it or get out of Dodge. :)

I'm 100% behind Jessica on this one. I too feel that as long as I pass to myself I don't care what others think. ;D
Gina Marie Taylor  8)
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staypositive1

Ok thank you for kind words
I'll just stop caring what other see as long as I'm content myself
I should come out to my parents soon too because I'm sick of what they are saying to me
I can't go a day without a negative comment on how "guyish" I look, and that I don't need to do that, because it's "ugly"
They think I'm a lesbian, but they want me to be the femme one
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xNatasha

Not sure if I agree with the theory here personally
Yes so who cares what others think yes?
Lots of people care if you don't pass. Maybe ask the two
Woman who got attacked recently on the Marta train.
And all the other ts woman who was at the recieving end of
Some form of violence. I for one fully understand how looks
Can make your life so much easier.
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Jennygirl

Quote from: xNatasha on June 01, 2014, 07:26:44 PM
Not sure if I agree with the theory here personally
Yes so who cares what others think yes?
Lots of people care if you don't pass. Maybe ask the two
Woman who got attacked recently on the Marta train.
And all the other ts woman who was at the recieving end of
Some form of violence. I for one fully understand how looks
Can make your life so much easier.

I've heard someone refer to this as "passing privilege". And reading the train news story is kind of an eye opener into that terminology and how it relates to our safety.
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AnnahM

This is what pepper spray is for. Girl, YOU own you. Not them! If you can't be proud of who you are, then change it. Yes, that's hard sometimes, but surely you have some support around you - friends, support group, etc. Ask them for help with your clothes, or learn to sew.

Also, your attitude when you're out and about does amazing wonders for how people react to you. I can't emphasize this enough. If you act like a victim, you'll be treated like one. This is why people always mess with the weak kids in school and they never mess with the tough ones. If you walk proud and with a positive attitude and energy and you refuse to let others make you feel down, you'll be way ahead of most people. If someone ->-bleeped-<-s with you and they won't back off, PEPPER. SPRAY. If people call you names, think about how sad they are inside and what low self-esteem they must have to treat people that way. Everyone has something going on inside that they don't want others to see. When people pick on someone else, it is a direct result of their own insecurities and turmoil. It has NOTHING to do with you. If people actually had a "problem" with you, and not with themselves, they would kindly walk up to you and say, "Hey, I see you're having a problem with such-and-such. Is there anything I can do to help out?" But most people aren't that evolved yet.

Keep your chin up, girl!

As for the two girls on the train... I'm having a rough time with that one. There's a point when walking away is far more advantageous than provoking someone who's already obviously trying to pick a fight. Unless you have a big burly friend with you, or you are a judo expert, have a gun or can of pepper spray, just walk away. It's not worth becoming a viral sensation for.
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Jill F

I've said it many times before, but the day I ran out of sh*ts to give about what anyone else thought was one of the best and most rewarding days of my life.  I carry myself like a woman and I rarely have problems.  Sometimes I tell hecklers in my best sexy girl voice that they probably need to work on their pickup lines.  I know I've made more than one blush.
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katiej

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 29, 2014, 11:48:48 AM
I know this may sound silly or something, but as long as I pass to myself I could give two bits about what others think. As long as I am happy, comfortable and secure with who I am nothing bothers me. Don't let others dictate your happiness.

I normally disagree with the "passing doesn't matter" crowd, but I think Jessica makes a lot of sense here.

Passing does matter because of safety, and hopefully getting to the privilege Jenny mentioned. But one of the biggest hurdles seems to be getting over being self conscious in your new role.  Attitude accounts for a good portion of ones ability to blend in.
"Before I do anything I ask myself would an idiot do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing." --Dwight Schrute
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