There is an interesting discussion on another board that I am a member of. The board is for professional therapists etc and the discussion was on how therapists should assist their clients to 'pass'. This comment was placed by a member who is also a member of the Australian Armed forces. I thought it was useful for several reasons.
Firstly it was an interesting point and secondly, yes there are Armed Forces that not only 'allow' their members to be themselves, but give positive help to do so.

Quote.

Presentation, (I hate the term passing, make me think of trying to pass
a counterfeit bill) Is vital in how we are perceived by others.  The
current "Guide to Understanding Transitioning Gender in the Workplace"
that the ADF / ADO uses makes reference to gender role mentors.
Choosing a mentor of the affirmed gender is invaluable.  When I chose my
mentor I looked for someone in my rank band and of a similar age. I was
looking for an honest broker who would have moral courage to be able to
say to me that is not a good look.  And have you thought of trying this.
I was fortunate to several mentors who took me under their wing.

Personal observation:  My emotional self is still developing and in a
lot of ways is a late teen in mature body. Whilst I would love to wear
certain things (and the 18 year old in me really does want to wear it)
the sensible me knows that if I did I could look like someone off "Ru
Paul's Drag Race".  Best to meld in with age appropriate clothing.
Boring as it may sound, flying under the radar is the safest thing and
you get misgendered / made less often and if you are made people are
less likely to be offensive.  Then again I don't go out of my way to put
myself in harm's way.  Situational awareness is also very important in
keeping out of harm's way.

The discussion around creating a persona is interesting as I was able to
drop the persona and am able to be authentic.  Personas take emotional
energy and work to maintain.

Unquote.

It is a perspective that I largely use for people that I meet for community therapy.

Extremely sensible approaches and observations. Thanks for sharing Cindy!

Quote from: Cindy on May 30, 2014, 02:17:36 AM
Personal observation:  My emotional self is still developing and in a
lot of ways is a late teen in mature body. Whilst I would love to wear
certain things (and the 18 year old in me really does want to wear it)
the sensible me knows that if I did I could look like someone off "Ru
Paul's Drag Race".  Best to meld in with age appropriate clothing.
Boring as it may sound, flying under the radar is the safest thing and
you get misgendered / made less often and if you are made people are
less likely to be offensive.  T

This is something I really struggle with. I've been given advice like this many times, but I just don't feel like I can take it. I dress to feel good for ME. I find I when I get wrapped up with being "age appropriate" I'm subordinating my tastes for something that "they" want me to do.

The problem with this collective "they" is that I can't talk or reason with "them", and it frustrates me. I find I'm more at peace when I just please myself.

The result is a personal style that probably better suits someone 30 years younger. But it makes me feel young and attractive. I like that. I try to stay away from looks that are flamboyantly caricatured, and at work I make sure what I wear is professional and sober. For the rest of my life, though, I dress in what helps me feel good about my looks.

Maybe that's why no one wants me to be their gender role mentor...

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 30, 2014, 07:04:23 AM

Quote from: Cindy on May 30, 2014, 02:17:36 AM
Personal observation:  My emotional self is still developing and in a
lot of ways is a late teen in mature body. Whilst I would love to wear
certain things (and the 18 year old in me really does want to wear it)
the sensible me knows that if I did I could look like someone off "Ru
Paul's Drag Race".  Best to meld in with age appropriate clothing.
Boring as it may sound, flying under the radar is the safest thing and
you get misgendered / made less often and if you are made people are
less likely to be offensive.  T

This is something I really struggle with. I've been given advice like this many times, but I just don't feel like I can take it. I dress to feel good for ME. I find I when I get wrapped up with being "age appropriate" I'm subordinating my tastes for something that "they" want me to do.

The problem with this collective "they" is that I can't talk or reason with "them", and it frustrates me. I find I'm more at peace when I just please myself.

The result is a personal style that probably better suits someone 30 years younger. But it makes me feel young and attractive. I like that. I try to stay away from looks that are flamboyantly caricatured, and at work I make sure what I wear is professional and sober. For the rest of my life, though, I dress in what helps me feel good about my looks.

Maybe that's why no one wants me to be their gender role mentor...

Hmm I'm not sure what 'age appropriate' really refers to. For instance, does it mean, 'don't dress like you're going to a club if you're 50' or what. I think oftentimes it's code for not dressing slutty over a certain age. Beyond that, I guess there are some articles of clothing that would seem out of place on a mature woman - cutesy stuff made for teens might fall into this. But of course, if that's her style.

I think if you're leaning toward classy and flattering styles, you could wear anything. There used to be the idea that women over a certain age should wear their hair short. Not sure where that came from, but I see a lot of over 50 women with longer hair that look good.

I think 'they' is ethereal. Style and fashion is very personal and according to our body types we can carry different styles.
Not all woman can, and nor should they (IMO).
Recognising what suits you, your life style and your look is how I took the comment.

I'm interested in the persona comment.

I think I'm beginning to understand it. I think I have and that was when I 'passed'.

My BF made a comment looking at my before and after pics.
It was here you are a trans woman, in this one you are a woman, and in this (my current avatar) you are gorgeous - the following events I shall allow your imaginations to use