I'm in a bit of a pickle here.

I started socially transitioning a couple of weeks back and I have been pretty open about my trans status to mostly everyone, since well, I don't think I fully pass yet being pre everything. But, a couple of days ago on another forum I got to know this guy. He seems like fun and all, and we have talked on skype as well. He reads me fully as a guy in every aspect and does not know a thing at all about me being trans. Which, is actually really refreshing, talking to someone who refers to be with male pronounces without having any difficulties in doing so and does not feel the need to comment on how this and that makes me so masculine, or how it's not strange I'm trans since I clearly have a guys mind and attitude, so forth and so far.
My dilemma is really that in a short conversation we had, it does not seem he is very trans friendly. He started talking about how he does not like trans people cause all they do is whine about how hard it is, then said something that most of the people on the forum that had their gender there marked as male were all just pretending. I tried to explain and I said that is really something that most people seem to miss understand about trans people, that they are pretending when in reality they stopped pretending.
The conversation ended rather shortly when I stated I was an activist in the community and that was that.
My dilemma is really, I now feel a bit unsure if I should tell him about that part of me or not.
The need to tell him comes really more with that I just want to explain to him what being transgender really is, but on the other I am a bit worried that it will backfire and I also just enjoy being taken as a guy, and not as the guy who was born a girl.

I don't know...
I feel like I should step up and say something more, but on the other I did not let the conversation fade out by saying nothing. I just calmly explained the best I could what transgender really is, and the conversation stopped after that.
I feel a bit torn with what my mind is telling me what is right, and the other that is telling me to actually enjoy just being seen as a guy in the few conversations we have.
*Ruffles his hair*

I think you said all you need to. Coming out to him isn't likely to change his mind. It is up to you though.

If you don't mind me asking , what are you looking for in the relationship.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 31, 2014, 01:30:06 PM
If you don't mind me asking , what are you looking for in the relationship.

Well, nothing really. I suppose I just want it to stay as it is. Just an occasional talk and a few laughs.

Hey Dalex I'm really sorry you had to endure that conversation. I've had times like that where I'm talking to someone and they say something transphobic or incorrect and when I explain it to them they become distant. Fortunately on the internet you can afford to cut off communications with people easily. I know it can be tempting in a bad situation to try and make people see your view or come to good terms, but the easiest thing right now may be for you to cut off communications. If he bothers you on another forum just ignore him. I hope you can find someone else to talk to, people on Susans are pretty nice about that 

Well, he didn't really become distant after the conversation, I don't know really... He doesn't really seem all around like such a bad guy and did not seem like he was against trans*, just lacking knowledge and understanding. It just was such a nice change to talk to someone who does not constantly ask me about my transition status on when I can get started on hormones, when I will have surgery's and other questions. Some even just outright ignore everything and insist on using my female name and female pronounces. He on the other hand, to him I was just another guy since he does not know that I'm trans. He asks no uncomfortable questions and we just talk about hobbies we have in common.
But perhaps slowly easing away after I'm finished with the commission he has ordered would not be such a bad idea. :/

Thank you campenella

Quote from: Dalex on May 31, 2014, 01:54:23 PM
Well, nothing really. I suppose I just want it to stay as it is. Just an occasional talk and a few laughs.

It doesn't seem like much of a big deal for him to know or not just go with the flow

Quote from: stephaniec on May 31, 2014, 08:28:49 PM
It doesn't seem like much of a big deal for him to know or not just go with the flow

Thanks I think I will just do that, if it turns that way, I can just easily take a step back if it's necessary

They say never talk about politics religion and The Great Pumpkin.  If he is good for a laugh and you enjoy his company just relax and go with it, you are looking for a friend after all. Just be warned  you stated he doesn't seem trans friendly that could be the case so when the inevitable dose happen if he is still around. (In today's world it is hard to hide forever or I could just be jaded). He may turn and run for the hills destroying whatever friendship had been formed before.  But you're only looking for a friend someone who sees you as the guy you are and not the girl you never where so don't tell him just enjoy the ride

I don't see why you would want to stay friends with someone who thinks trans people are just whining fakers nor what you hope to accomplish from it. 

Quote from: Dalex on May 31, 2014, 05:31:40 PM
Well, he didn't really become distant after the conversation, I don't know really... He doesn't really seem all around like such a bad guy and did not seem like he was against trans*, just lacking knowledge and understanding. It just was such a nice change to talk to someone who does not constantly ask me about my transition status on when I can get started on hormones, when I will have surgery's and other questions. Some even just outright ignore everything and insist on using my female name and female pronounces. He on the other hand, to him I was just another guy since he does not know that I'm trans. He asks no uncomfortable questions and we just talk about hobbies we have in common.
But perhaps slowly easing away after I'm finished with the commission he has ordered would not be such a bad idea. :/

Thank you campenella

No problem! I don't think people who have bad or ignorant views on trans people can continue being friends with me because even if I teach them I will still uncomfortable talking to them even just for a few laughs honestly. If you can move past it and say 'we won't talk about xyz again I don't care about your politics and you won't care about mine' then I say ok, but there are people enough in the world who can share your hobbies and be respectful. I just got out of a v.bad friendship with someone who wasn't an all around bad guy but when he was angry he said hurtful things. We had so much in common I turned away for a really long time. Online or offline I encourage you to find more people you can talk to

Personally I'd just let them assume I was male born and drop the subject of trans if able. There's not much point in lecturing people about trans things if they've already told you they aren't for it.

My rule of thumb over the internet:
If they are never going to hear me speak, see me in person, and It will always be platonic - don't bother bringing it up unless they do.
If you intend to get close and possibly speak via chat, or maybe even meet one day but it's completely platonic, give it time to get to know the person in full before telling them so you know if it's safe to or not.
If you are attracted to this person and intend to either try a long distance relationship or meet up and start one, tell them ASAP.


That's what i go by and it's worked just fine for me.

Quote from: Dalex on May 31, 2014, 05:31:40 PM
Well, he didn't really become distant after the conversation, I don't know really... He doesn't really seem all around like such a bad guy and did not seem like he was against trans*, just lacking knowledge and understanding. It just was such a nice change to talk to someone who does not constantly ask me about my transition status on when I can get started on hormones, when I will have surgery's and other questions. Some even just outright ignore everything and insist on using my female name and female pronounces. He on the other hand, to him I was just another guy since he does not know that I'm trans. He asks no uncomfortable questions and we just talk about hobbies we have in common.
But perhaps slowly easing away after I'm finished with the commission he has ordered would not be such a bad idea. :/

Thank you campenella

Oh, you are doing work for him.  That is important to note.  I wouldn't say anything about it until the art is completed and he is satisfied.  Then see how you feel about carrying on a friendship.