Hi all,
Thank you everyone for your support. It has been a really rough week, but things are getting better. I suppose that it was both the timing and severity of this episode that really got into my head. I'm already starting to feel like myself again, and have found Tegan again. She was hiding under a mountain of depression, and I'm still digging her out. Still, I nearly signed Teg at the end of a work email today, so that probably says something.
My wife really did not mean to hurt me, and she is incredibly serious about preventing this from happening again. She scared herself; I know this. She is seeing therapists and is working towards getting both the medication and coping mechanisms that she needs. That's all I can ask of her right now, besides the apology that she has already given. She even wants to try the whole birthday thing again, so we'll probably give round two a go fairly soon. And yes, she is still the love of my life.
Also, my wife has informed me that she rescued my makeup bag from the trash, so there is that.
So, yes, I will call the gender specialist on Monday and set up an appointment. I'm not even sure if disassociation is the right word for what I felt. It's not like I suddenly felt manly or something. I just felt sadness, despair, and anger above all else. It was just a lot to process, and I lost all aspects of my identity to that despair and negative thinking.
Long story short, Tegan is alive and well, and will continue her journey of self-discovery, wherever it ultimately leads. I appreciate all of you, and the support and kind words that you have given. It is so invaluable to have a place where I know I can speak about these things and be understood. I always come here when I need a little perspective.
Thank you, brothers and sisters. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Sincerely,
Tegan