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Is it normal to suddenly dissociate from your transgender feelings?

Started by Sincerely Tegan, May 28, 2014, 04:02:02 PM

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TerriT

Whenever I had those situations where fighting over trans got to be too much, I would wish I could bury it and make it go away. But it never lasted for long. I honestly believed I would "grow out" of my trans feelings. It sucks. Sorry to hear about your situation. You know, you have to decided if you're happier with keeping it buried or if you wish to transition. I think most people will tell you that it will never go away, but perhaps it's manageable for different people in different ways.
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Sincerely Tegan

Hi all,

Thank you everyone for your support. It has been a really rough week, but things are getting better. I suppose that it was both the timing and severity of this episode that really got into my head. I'm already starting to feel like myself again, and have found Tegan again. She was hiding under a mountain of depression, and I'm still digging her out. Still, I nearly signed Teg at the end of a work email today, so that probably says something.

My wife really did not mean to hurt me, and she is incredibly serious about preventing this from happening again. She scared herself; I know this. She is seeing therapists and is working towards getting both the medication and coping mechanisms that she needs. That's all I can ask of her right now, besides the apology that she has already given. She even wants to try the whole birthday thing again, so we'll probably give round two a go fairly soon. And yes, she is still the love of my life.

Also, my wife has informed me that she rescued my makeup bag from the trash, so there is that.

So, yes, I will call the gender specialist on Monday and set up an appointment. I'm not even sure if disassociation is the right word for what I felt. It's not like I suddenly felt manly or something. I just felt sadness, despair, and anger above all else. It was just a lot to process, and I lost all aspects of my identity to that despair and negative thinking.

Long story short, Tegan is alive and well, and will continue her journey of self-discovery, wherever it ultimately leads. I appreciate all of you, and the support and kind words that you have given. It is so invaluable to have a place where I know I can speak about these things and be understood. I always come here when I need a little perspective.

Thank you, brothers and sisters. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Sincerely,
Tegan
"You get what anyone gets. You get a lifetime."
-Death, Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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HoneyStrums

Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on May 31, 2014, 12:23:28 AM
Also, my wife has informed me that she rescued my makeup bag from the trash, so there is that.
AWWWWW  bless her

I cant tell you how happy I am she did that. Im glad she didn't let you throw yourself away. Its the little things that make life great, and this is such a little thing that make me feel so great.
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immortal gypsy

Ok I'm being lazy and didn't want to cut and paste every little thing
Quote from: Sincerely Tegan on May 31, 2014, 12:23:28 AM
I'm already starting to feel like myself again, and have found Tegan again. She was hiding under a mountain of depression, and I'm still digging her out.

She even wants to try the whole birthday thing again, so we'll probably give round two a go fairly soon.
So, yes, I will call the gender specialist on Monday and set up an appointment.

Long story short, Tegan is alive and well, and will continue her journey of self-discovery, wherever it ultimately leads.Sincerely,
Tegan

Good girl :). Glad to see you are feeling calmer and things are looking up. We will always be here when needed 
Be naughty have a larger slice of birthday cake this time on birthday version 2.0 >:-)
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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stephaniec

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Misato

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Christine167

Happy Birthday Tegan.

I'm glad that things are working out, however shaky they seem. You and your wife seem like incredibly brave people.

Good Luck Tegan and I hope the 2nd Bday attempt goes more smoothly. :)
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Veronica M

First off Tegan, happy birthday.

As I have been intrigued with how you are getting along, I am going to shoot straight from the hip on this one because I truly care about you. This comes from my experience and not just saying this to bum you out. Once physical violence is in a relationship starts the chances of it getting better is usually not good. In essence it is a cycle. First the outbreaks and then the remorse. (I'll never do it again moments) Then the make up period. Fact is she most like will repeat this cycle and it will only get worse as this cycles repeats itself. I have been there myself... You want so bad to believe she won't do it again it hurts. Bottom line is there is no room in a relationship for physical violence and unless she receives serious psychiatric help it will happen again...

I am saying this because I care about you Tegan. Bottom line is you have enough on your plate with your dysphoria. It truly breaks my heart to know you have to endure this kind of behavior from someone you obviously care deeply for. Ultimately the dissension need to be yours, but you really need to think about this. You are and always will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Veronica
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