so, i may not want SRS, but idk what kind of impact that would have on me. my doctors and mother keep against me if i want the surgery, i dont mind my bottom bits so i keep saying most likely no though i have tried to castrate myself multiple times becuz i didnt like it there and i wanted it gone so badly that i do anything just for it to disappear. if i do get it, it wont be until i'm like 26-28. well opting not to getting it have a serious imapct on my life?

That, Grasshopper, is only a question you can answer. 

You do not need to make that call for a very long time though.  You have as long as you need to do so.   Many years on AAs can have adverse effects on your vital organs, and at that point a simple orchiectomy will solve that problem.  If you decide to detransition completely or partially at that point, you can still take T supplements and backtrack. 

its just confusing. i keep getting asking the same question over and over again. i guess they want to put it in my transition plans. i will never change over my clothes, staying with my gender neutral clothes, i'm not getting BA, and if i get FFS, it would be extremely shallow. my voice doesnt really need surgery since it just started changing so if i stop that, i can get it androgynous. i just want to give it a clear answer becuz my doctors and therapist are going to keep asking until they feel im sure about it.

Quote from: Grim Reaper Brianna Terryal on June 03, 2014, 08:20:55 PM
its just confusing. i keep getting asking the same question over and over again. i guess they want to put it in my transition plans. i will never change over my clothes, staying with my gender neutral clothes, i'm not getting BA, and if i get FFS, it would be extremely shallow. my voice doesnt really need surgery since it just started changing so if i stop that, i can get it androgynous. i just want to give it a clear answer becuz my doctors and therapist are going to keep asking until they feel im sure about it.

Trying to shove SRS down your throat at this point in your journey is both irresponsible and dangerous.  You don't know how far this goes until you start feeling it out.   

SRS? It's not on my list of things to do..

As to the impact? Health-wise, nothing so far.. And I can't see any issues developing. Although I would like an orchi at some point, more for making things a little neater and tidier than any other reason. Where it does have an impact is my sex life. As a lesbian, I do find that there are women who are not interested in me due to my non-op status, but on the flip side, I've also found women who have no issue with it.

Quote from: Jill F on June 03, 2014, 08:26:30 PM
Trying to shove SRS down your throat at this point in your journey is both irresponsible and dangerous.  You don't know how far this goes until you start feeling it out.   

not that they are forcing down my throat, its just they are concerned becuz of what i tried in my past and not to long ago this year. idk, guess its becuz some days i dont care that it there and other days i want it gone so badly. i know i have time but this is directly affecting when i will go full term sooner or later. i'm just torn. i take it as its better to plan ahead so you can truly think about it rather than later

Quote from: Grim Reaper Brianna Terryal on June 03, 2014, 08:38:40 PM
not that they are forcing down my throat, its just they are concerned becuz of what i tried in my past and not to long ago this year. idk, guess its becuz some days i dont care that it there and other days i want it gone so badly. i know i have time but this is directly affecting when i will go full term sooner or later. i'm just torn. i take it as its better to plan ahead so you can truly think about it rather than later

this is really something only you can answer. I've fantasized about just cutting for a long time but I'd much prefer something functional

Quote from: Grim Reaper Brianna Terryal on June 03, 2014, 08:38:40 PM
not that they are forcing down my throat, its just they are concerned becuz of what i tried in my past and not to long ago this year. idk, guess its becuz some days i dont care that it there and other days i want it gone so badly. i know i have time but this is directly affecting when i will go full term sooner or later. i'm just torn. i take it as its better to plan ahead so you can truly think about it rather than later

This might sound like strange advice, but I think perhaps it would be the most expedient. Tell the doctors and such you do want it, since that will likely make them take you more seriously, and let you gain a bit more control in the situation. Now, you can even save or whatever, and just plan it for far in the future and if when it is closer to the date that you set, you feel you don't want SRS then just cancel, take the money you saved and buy yourself a nice holiday. You never have to go thru with anything you don't want to, and you have the right to change your mind on whatever you want.

Of course, if you are on a socialized medical care system, that might not be wise as I don't know the ramifications of just changing your mind there.

Quote from: Hikari on June 03, 2014, 09:00:17 PM
This might sound like strange advice, but I think perhaps it would be the most expedient. Tell the doctors and such you do want it, since that will likely make them take you more seriously, and let you gain a bit more control in the situation. Now, you can even save or whatever, and just plan it for far in the future and if when it is closer to the date that you set, you feel you don't want SRS then just cancel, take the money you saved and buy yourself a nice holiday. You never have to go thru with anything you don't want to, and you have the right to change your mind on whatever you want.

Of course, if you are on a socialized medical care system, that might not be wise as I don't know the ramifications of just changing your mind there.

i thought about the whole saving part. i just want to be sure. i'm like an open book of confusion. i want to go through with the surgery and become complete, but at the same time, i dont want to let go of my male side completely seeing how its literally keeping me alive. of course i'm going to start HRT but that dangling thing down there will be the only thing that will remind me of my survival. its driving me crazy and its starting to set off my dysphoria. idk, i just need answers 

Honest answer. Yes I want nay need HRT, SRS I'm not sure about at this moment. Time is a river and we just drift among the current called life.  Yes you tried to castrate yourself when you where younger but that was then this is now. Explain to them you need more time to think about that decision and you may never know (it is a very big and important one to take) only you will know if want to and when. As long as they are just trying to see if you have a mental road map in place you should be fine. If there trying to get you to commit to a decision here and now run for the hills girl as fast as you can and find someone else to help you

I have a similar problem because my BF is always asking if I ever tried to cut it off lol and he wants me too hehe he's pretty adamant about it and ya know wants me to get a vag and all. But I actually want SRS so I think it's cute. He's so cute (actually he's super hot at like 6'2 and 175). He might weight less but he's all muscle.

In all seriousness, if you don't want SRS, don't get it. You're prolly 10 years younger than me if you're 20, so I hope there's no adverse health effects. But I go the Mazzoni Center and they said it's all good, cause I aksed em as I want have the funds for SRS for another couple years. Unless something changes. I wish I could have it right now.

Quote from: immortal gypsy on June 03, 2014, 09:36:26 PM
Honest answer. Yes I want nay need HRT, SRS I'm not sure about at this moment. Time is a river and we just drift among the current called life.  Yes you tried to castrate yourself when you where younger but that was then this is now. Explain to them you need more time to think about that decision and you may never know (it is a very big and important one to take) only you will know if want to and when. As long as they are just trying to see if you have a mental road map in place you should be fine. If there trying to get you to commit to a decision here and now run for the hills girl as fast as you can and find someone else to help you

i try to tell them, at this moment i cant think about it becuz i'm destabilizing. they arent really taken me seriously because i'm saying i only want hrt right now and think about SRS when i decide when i want to go full time. i guess they just want that cleared in my transition file. idk, i'll see how this OBG appointment goes. i can say its taking a toll on what little sanity i have because not only are my dreams haunting me, when i told my mom those many years back i wanted surgery, she keeps downplaying HRT and go straight to "do you want surgery, and how are you paying for it?" i keep reminding her i need time before i can even qualify. all i know is that i want it but than that would mean sacrificing my male side thus i would have to learn to survive all over again. i'm just so confused and i keep asking myself but i'm not getting the answers i need. 

plus, idk if i would even qualify because i'm considered non binary though i do identify as female and choosing HRT because my body dysphoria and falling into instant tears every time i look in the mirror.

Quote from: Grim Reaper Brianna Terryal on June 03, 2014, 08:02:51 PMi dont mind my bottom bits so i keep saying most likely no though i have tried to castrate myself multiple times becuz i didnt like it there and i wanted it gone so badly that i do anything just for it to disappear.

I'm sorry if anything I say seems insensitive, but no matter how bad you want something gone, self mutilation isn't healthy at all and I'd encourage you to work with a mental health professional about that before beginning any work to do with transition. There are plenty of people who experience dysphoria about their mismatched genitalia, yet they for some reason don't feel the need to mutilate themselves? Transition and especially SRS requires healthy living. Self mutilation, much less the thought of it, have no place in health living.

Quote from: Jill F on June 03, 2014, 08:13:30 PMMany years on AAs can have adverse effects on your vital organs, and at that point a simple orchiectomy will solve that problem.

With proper medical supervision there shouldn't be any health complications . Perhaps things like energy, mood, etc., from lack of androgens, but this is for the most part false. They've been safely used for a long time for many people.

Quote from: Grim Reaper Brianna Terryal on June 03, 2014, 08:20:55 PMits just confusing. i keep getting asking the same question over and over again. i guess they want to put it in my transition plans. i will never change over my clothes, staying with my gender neutral clothes, i'm not getting BA, and if i get FFS, it would be extremely shallow. my voice doesnt really need surgery since it just started changing so if i stop that, i can get it androgynous. i just want to give it a clear answer becuz my doctors and therapist are going to keep asking until they feel im sure about it.

Mental health professionals don't ask questions for no reasons, especially repeatedly. Gathering from your posts I'd guess you're confused and don't have a solid plan or stable idea of what you want out of transition -- this is why they're asking questions.

Quote from: Hikari on June 03, 2014, 09:00:17 PMTell the doctors and such you do want it, since that will likely make them take you more seriously, and let you gain a bit more control in the situation.

OP is clearly a bit confused. Lying to mental health professionals will only get you further into trouble, but if someone thinks self mutilation isn't much of a deal then this probably wouldn't matter.

@Teeg: my therapist made sure to confirm what i wanted and soilfied my transition plan before giving me my letter. its SRS that they keep asking me about becuz of the fact my body dysphoria nearly killed me and becuz of the several attempts at self castration and an almost successful one a while ago. i just keep going back and forth on the who reassignment surgery, even though its still way to early, they need to know what i want to do before i would try something stupid again.

Not every girl wants or needs SRS. Lots of transgirls are perfectly happy with their parts as is; and also, that's normal of you to feel undecided... In fact, it's probably better that way.. Better to have time to think about it instead of desperately wanting it gone. Pre and early transition, I was hell bent on never getting SRS for 2 reasons:

1- I felt not opting for SRS would somehow make me exotic

2- the idea seemed crazy to me.

Fast forward to 2 months on hrt... And I'm beginning to consider it because the idea starts to intrigue me, but still a hesitant idea.

Fast forward to now - I'm about 80% sure I want SRS, not because I hate my genitals, but just because it would be nice to feel "correct" (IMO, that's not to say that choosing otherwise is incorrect, just the my personal opinion of correctness for my own self image, would include SRS) the only reason I'm currently 20% unsure still, is because of money, surgery risk, if I'll have the availability to go through the long recovery (job, life, etc), my wifes feelings about it are still somewhat unsure, and also just trying to get comfortable with the idea of no longer having something I've had for all of my life and using it to do the things I do now, the idea is intriguing but still gives me chills. Also; I have a phobia of surgery, so id need to get over that... While that sounds like a lot for only 20%... The other 80% of me sees my current equipment as a total detriment of my own self image, when I "hide" it and make myself look proportionately correct, it takes away my dislike for VARIOUS parts of my body, almost like magic. My dislike of my legs or stomach or waist, goes away simply by hiding that one part.

So yeah, it's up to you and only you, to make that decision, and it doesn't invalidate anything nor cause problems. Though your opinion might still change in the future as mine has.

Also; it's worth considering that castrating yourself can only further complicate your life if you DO decide to get SRS... Gotta give me something to work with ~ contrary to popular belief, they don't "cut it off" rather than "repurposing" it. You need what you got to successfully get what you need say that 3 times fast.

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 03, 2014, 10:33:59 PM
Also; it's worth considering that castrating yourself can only further complicate your life if you DO decide to get SRS... Gotta give me something to work with ~ contrary to popular belief, they don't "cut it off" rather than "repurposing" it. You need what you got to successfully get what you need say that 3 times fast.

its the biggest decision i have to make. i have to give a definitive answer because it is apart of my transitioning, so i need to decide so i can work towards it i'm ready to go on everything else but its this that is keeping me back. again, due to my history, they need to know so preventive measures can be implemented because my already feminine sense are going to go into overdrive once i get on HRT 

Quote from: LittleEmily24 on June 03, 2014, 10:24:45 PMNot every girl wants or needs SRS. Lots of transgirls are perfectly happy with their parts as is; and also, that's normal of you to feel undecided...

Again sorry if anything I say seems insensitive, but I've always seen the purpose of transitioning as becoming either a man or a woman -- not a "transgirl." However people will do and be what they like and that's their choice.

Also, I don't think it's fair saying it's normal for people to feel undecided. When I could coherently understand that I was supposed to be female I never had any doubt about doing everything I could do to become a female.

Quote from: teeg on June 03, 2014, 11:13:55 PM
Again sorry if anything I say seems insensitive, but I've always seen the purpose of transitioning as becoming either a man or a woman -- not a "transgirl." However people will do and be what they like and that's their choice.

Also, I don't think it's fair saying it's normal for people to feel undecided. When I could coherently understand that I was supposed to be female I never had any doubt about doing everything I could do to become a female.

There are as many ways to be trans as there are transpeople.