If you have read any of my posts over the last month or so you are aware that life has been chaotic to say the least. If you haven't read anything I've posted the brief synopsis is unemployment, prescription painkiller addiction, suicide attempt, relationship issues, and homelessness.
After spending three nights in a motel, and another three nights on the streets, things appear to be looking up at the moment. I may have found a couch to crash on for a while. I was contacted on Facebook by an old friend and former coworker whom I haven't seen in nearly ten years (since WAY before my transition). She had been following my saga and has offered me a couch to sleep on and help moving my possessions from my old apartment into storage.
I am on day 16 of sobriety. It has been at least two years since I have gone this long without taking a pain pill. I've started attending NA meetings at my local LGBT Community Center and have found support to help me stay clean.
I am starting to get set up with Intense Outpatient Therapy. I met with a psychologist and a psychiatrist on Monday. I will likely have 3-4 therapy sessions a week for the time being.
Financially things are still pretty bleak but better than they were a month ago. I was able to get onto Public Assistance. I am receiving $174 a month in cash and $189 in food stamps. It's not much, but is more than what I had before. I have begun the process of applying for Social Security Disability. While I would rather work, I am aware that it may not be in my best interest mental health wise at the moment. Both the psychologist and the psychiatrist concur and are willing to sign off on the paperwork. They have made some adjustments to my antidepressant medication, and while it is early, it looks like it will be a good move.
Things are improving relationship wise. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done, but at least I am starting to understand the issues. Most of it stemmed from my drug abuse. My partner (former partner/future partner?) had become terrified of me. He is FTM and is a foot shorter than I am. My anger issues on the Norco scarred him and he feared for his safety. He is still not allowing me to return to my home for the time being, or be around his child, but I now see his point. We do really love each other deeply, and there will be something to salvage out of our relationship but it is far too early to tell what yet.
In addition to these things I mentioned, I do want to point out how much this community has helped me. Even if I never meet anyone from here in real life, it is amazing to know that there are people who understand and care. I have even received a couple of offers of financial support. While I cannot accept, I am touched more than I can put into words that people would be willing to help a total stranger in that way.
Today is a new day and things can only get better from here. I have found the support I need and I will pick myself off the floor and be a better person in the end.
Allison
