Unexpected Loss -
- My best friend of 10+ years (and also my smoking buddy)
- Toxic friendships with ignorant people.
- a rocky unstable marriage
- a controlling and unilateral sense of sexuality and intimacy
Unexpected Gain -
- A completely female mind set... I still feel like I'm in a male body, but my mind has this encompassed sense of femininity that I never expected, I mean i knew hormones would change a few things mentally... but it literally made me from "confused male who feels female" to "adamant female who is desperate to see the female transformation."
- At first i was afraid i wouldn't be able to play the part or like my anxiety around my family or friends would be too much to handle for me to be myself... Now I behave female in every way because it just feels like "this is how I'm meant to behave, its how I've always felt", and the anxiety i use to get about "oh no, how am I supposed to behave female around my family >_< awkward!" have completely gone away.. In the search and finding of my female identity, my behavior, speaking voice, mannerisms, walk, responses, etc. Have become unexpectedly female to the point where its a natural response and i have no control over it
- The realization that my male behavior was a very elaborate act that deserves a golden globe award.... If I try to act male now, i fail so miserably that its obvious how before I would force a male persona masterfully... by that logic, I must have had some blind male friends or male friends in denial, because my girl friends saw right through the bull->-bleeped-<-.
- My depression has vanished (the kind not related to dysphoria or dysmorphia), the inexplicable and crippling depression i've lived 23 years with has vanished, and hasn't returned since the moment my bell went off.
- Increase in patience. I was always more impatient than a hyperactive, ADHD, DMV attendant... wanted everything to be done QUICK and EASY. Now I have this incredible sense of patience to deal with so many things in my life, and to wait for things a lot better... granted i still have a bit of impatience, but who doesn't?
- I'm a daring thrill-seeker now, I use to be timid and afraid of doing ANYTHING outside my comfort zone ~ Now i'll do everything at least once and chances are i'll enjoy it.
- My emotions are more controllable and easier to express.
- I think i look more attractive now than I did as male (granted, thats probably a result of losing a ton of weight and actually having a fashion sense now, which brings me to my next point....
- I HAVE A SENSE OF FASHION NOW lol.
- People actually like me for me and not for who I use to be.
- I was always social, but now I'm even MORE social.
- I'm open and true about who I am, and I'm not afraid to be weird by any definition.
- I've matured WAY more
- Sex is way more amazing than it ever felt as male despite the lowered sex drive
- I can shop anywhere xD
- A wife that has become my partner in crime, team mate, best friend, comrade, equal, fellow female, support beam, sunlight. Whereas back then... back then we were practically nemesis to each other with a burning flame of love holding us together despite hating so much about eachother. Makes me kind of tear up just thinking about how we use to be, compared to how now we are just so happy together, even though she isn't a lesbian and was afraid she would lose interest in me... this is probably the biggest unexpected gain.