mandonlym

I was physically and socially dysphoric pre tg diagnosis and low dose hrt.   Since then I have become less and less socially dysphoric as my brain seems to be rewiring itself and I am becoming more intuitive, more empathetic and less guarded.  I was however physically dysphoric enough to have  FFS (focussed on achieving androgynous rather than typical female proportions) and to then start hair removal (face cleared for the first time last friday after 110 plus hrs of galvanic, 66 hrs of galvanic and 8 sessions of IPL -  !)  chest/stomach is almost done, back not too bad but not sure about my forearms; hair growing longer; some eyebrow shaping; and casual clothing is more androgynous.  Net effect is that folk appear to sense that I am changing, but have not been able to work out just what is going on.  I have told a number of colleagues and friends that I am tg but I am feeling far less physically dysphoric as I become more androgynous and flexible in presentation and more open and engaging socially.

Whereas I started this journey thinking that I would be likely to ultimately transition mtf, along the way I have increasingly been attracted to, and now identify as, non binary and am less and less interested in a binary transition or presentation.  It's strange how things work out.

Aisla

Quote from: JamesG on May 20, 2014, 09:06:55 AM
I don't feel "wrong bodied",  I am just modifying the one I have to the one I would like to have and that suits my personality. My dysphoria I guess is more subtle than others, more like a mumble in the background.

^^ This

this (and also with the OP) is how i feel also and i couldnt agree more if i tried
working this out is/was a huge part of my acceptance of being trans

I think you have to have some sort of dysphoria to be trans, otherwise what is it that makes you trans? I don't think it has to be constant or crippling though. A lot of people think dysphoria is hating your body, but it's not. It can be, but that's not all it is. A lot of people think they don't have dysphoria until they learn what it is, and then they realise these things they've been feeling for so long, it's dysphoria.

For myself, I'm quite confused. I have dysphoria, but it's often very mild, and I don't know if it's naturally mild, or if it's mild because I avoid almost all situations that I know make me feel bad. For me, I never even already felt like a guy. I'm always scared to say that, because I'm scared it invalidates me being trans. But I'm being honest. I didn't grow up thinking I'd go through male puberty or anything. I just often felt like I wanted to be, or should've been, a boy. That's still how I feel, because I feel like I've been built using some wrong pieces that have been forced to fit. And I can be that thing even with the wrong pieces, but I don't have to be, and I don't want to be. I want to be me, like I'm meant to be. To some people, that means I'm not trans. A lot of people have their own definition. There just has to be a reason why you're not cis.

Before transition I had social dysphoria, especially around women who were pregnant or had young children. I didn't have a massive amount of body dysphoria. Now I have transitioned I still have that, and I have quite bad body dysphoria.

This would have described me fairly well before transition: "I don't feel "wrong bodied",  I am just modifying the one I have to the one I would like to have and that suits my personality."

Quote from: JamesG on May 20, 2014, 09:06:55 AM
I'm sure the masculine western culture and its hangups in regards to gender and sexuality have a lot to do with it, esp. compared to other cultures like many Asian ones that are more accepting and fluid.

Yeah I agree with you, I don't feel "wrong bodied",  I am just modifying the one I have to the one I would like to have and that suits my personality. My dysphoria I guess is more subtle than others, more like a mumble in the background.

I don't agree with this at all. Sorry. But my "dysphoria" has been long, intense and unrelenting since I was 3-4. Granted, I have hermaphroditic qualities, genital wise, and so my dysphoria might be a bit different. By the time I was 12 I had breasts and I never went through a typical puberty. So the body dysphoria has been super intense and it has nothing to do with culture. It's my DNA, my chromosomes. Um, but its also not that I feel I'm in the wrong body. I didn't need hormones, per se. My body was feminine, always. I take them anyway. It's the effing penis. I love it on my BF. Yum Yum Yum. But, on me? YUCK!

Quote from: mandonlym on May 20, 2014, 08:09:58 AM
I'm wondering if the gender-policing and segregating that goes on in the States induces this feeling of people's bodies not belonging to them.

We don't have that issue where I live. I was never segregated or gender-policed. I didn't even have issues with men's and women's restrooms - I never used public restrooms in the first place, and didn't have any feelings about it really. I still have gender dysphoria.

For me it has been social rather than physical. I am still working through things but I know that how I have been treated by others over the years or being in certain social situations weird me out and I struggle a lot.

I just wanted to add my experience... I do not generally have dysphoria, just this nagging in the back of my mind that tells me that I shouldn't look the way I should. More than anything, my boobs are annoying and feel out of place. I do not experience crippling dysphoria, but I do identify as ftm.

I didn't really feel any overt dysphoria until I started transitioning. Just a nagging sense in the back of my head that I wasn't really being myself. Now that I'm actually living the life of a lady my masculine attributes cause me no small amount of emotional consternation.

I can really relate to this topic. For me personally I don't feel like its a dysphoria. I'm sure theres a little bit of it there but not a whole lot. I'm never really hated the fact that I'm male. I can say that up til now its been a fairly good life. I made eagle scout and my high school football team won state one year.

To me though Its more of the depression aspect. I've been overweight my whole life and I'm constantly bullied about it. The euphoric part also probably plays a factor in this as well. The more I look back on my past the more clear it becomes in why I feel the need to transfer gender. I feel like I've lived probably about half to a 3rd of my life. So far the male me just has done the best he could, and now its time for the female me to pick up the slack and make life even better. Honestly the more I think about it, the more the desire to change is there.

So once again it may or may not be dysphoria, but I know it will make me happier in the long run

Quote from: Missadventure on January 12, 2015, 01:59:43 PM
I didn't really feel any overt dysphoria until I started transitioning. Just a nagging sense in the back of my head that I wasn't really being myself. Now that I'm actually living the life of a lady my masculine attributes cause me no small amount of emotional consternation.

This is almost exactly how I've felt. I had a feeling like, "I really wish I could be female, but sucks to be me," fairly often, but it wasn't so strong that I was actually unhappy. Just not as happy as I could have been.

After realizing that I could, in fact, make that happen if I wanted to, I've started to feel more of what I consider dysphoric feelings. I have also recognized various aspects of my life that I suspect may stem from discomfort with my gender, but which I didn't "notice" because I hadn't ever considered that it was possible to feel differently about myself. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's hard for me to describe. So I do wonder if part of the cause of this is just having a different idea of what dysphoria should feel like.

In any case, whatever I was feeling, I have exactly zero worry that I'm "not really" transgender at this point. Dysphoria or not, everything in my brain is telling me that I am a woman and I am completely at ease with that. Now, outwardly transitioning is a bit of a different story.... there is plenty of anxiety about that, but I just know it's something I am doing.

Yeah I didn't really get much physical dysphoria for a long time.  However, I noticed social dysphoria for quite a while.  It just occurred to me when I realised that everyone else wasn't actually pretending to enjoy themselves in gendered society. 

I've started to have physical dysphoria more and more now.  Only when I really concentrate on it, though. 

And yeah, like others have said- when you realise that transition is possible it can change how you feel.

Well there are cultures where other genders are accepted, if you can really be who you are without any kind of idea that what you think is somehow wrong, i believe that body dysphoria would be greatly lessened, perhaps non-existent. But we can't really separate ourselves from our culture so it's hard to say how we would really feel.

But yes, it's possible to be trans without dysphoria, I'd say I know people and that my own dysphoria is greatly lessened, and doesn't seem as severe as a lot of people I know. I've also had dysphoria "move" and change over time, I'd say that much is pretty typical.

--Jay

Quote from: JamesG on May 20, 2014, 09:06:55 AM
I'm sure the masculine western culture and its hangups in regards to gender and sexuality have a lot to do with it, esp. compared to other cultures like many Asian ones that are more accepting and fluid.

Yeah I agree with you, I don't feel "wrong bodied",  I am just modifying the one I have to the one I would like to have and that suits my personality. My dysphoria I guess is more subtle than others, more like a mumble in the background.

I had the same question in my mind when I was in the stage of being curious, that is it possible that I am trans* or leaning towards it even though I do not really hate my body? Even now, when the noise in my head has risen to the stage where I can call it dysphoria, the physical self-hatred is not exactly there.
I think it is more about preferring something different and believing that was always meant to be rather than actively hating what I do have.

I do think dysphoria is worsened by society. Ever since I started working in the design branche I learned it does not matter what you look like, they really don't care. But if you are not even allowed to express yourself for who you are like many others, the dysphoria gets worse.

Because dysphoria is not just related to your body but also your feeling. You hear it a lot that transgenders starting with HRT feel calmer and I also notice this. I already was passing before HRT and living the life how I wanted, but the stress was staying.

I do think you can be trans without dysphoria. But even if you do not feel it strongly, you probably do feel it a little bit. Even if it is like; I would like to have this or that* Why else would you change your body if you are fine with the way it is?

Quote from: Polo on May 22, 2014, 11:33:33 AM
It was euphoria, not dysphoria that led me down this path.

Well said.

Quote from: Polo on May 22, 2014, 11:33:33 AM
Mandonlym and Suzi, that is my experience as well. It was euphoria, not dysphoria that led me down this path.  I spent many years with "Eh, this is good enough I guess" before hitting that "Holy heck, this is AWESOME" point.

It's nice to see other people chime in with experiences that lack extreme dysphoria but are transitioning anyway. I don't think I could go back myself.

Yes, I can relate to that sentiment. Though not so much euphoria, but rightness and feeling inside my skin, much more so than how bad I felt before.

--Jay

Quote from: Polo on May 22, 2014, 11:33:33 AM
Mandonlym and Suzi, that is my experience as well. It was euphoria, not dysphoria that led me down this path.  I spent many years with "Eh, this is good enough I guess" before hitting that "Holy heck, this is AWESOME" point.

It's nice to see other people chime in with experiences that lack extreme dysphoria but are transitioning anyway. I don't think I could go back myself.