So I came out to my folks earlier today and am kinda confused about their reaction.

I totally understand that while this has been an issue for me for a long time and I'm use to it, for them its a very new development and kinda one that (to them) came out of left field a bit.

So mum said that she has never wanted a daughter and has always been happy with having a son. She has had a son for 30 years and that is what she wants. She then went on to say that she will always love me and support me and if its what makes me happy then its what makes her happy.

Now she has spent the rest of the night going back and forth between supportive and very unsupportive / almost insulting.

I'm kinda torn (and hurt by what they have said in their ignorance and confusion) as to how I approach them now.

My brother on the other hand (I told him a few days ago over the phone as he lives far away) said that I was being silly, that transitioning is just a way to escape my problems without dealing with them, that I was a dude not some chick and please don't change.

Coming out to my family and friends has never been a fear of mine, I've always thought that I don't really care what others think as long as I am happy. My biggest hurdle was accepting to myself that I was trans. Now however, I'm finding that their understanding, if not their support, has really been a priority of mine (subconsciously).

While my brother needs a good whack upside the head for being a closed minded misogynist git, should I just let my folks process everything over the next few days before talking to them further? Or what should I do?

I told my mother in early March.  Initially, she shocked me by being 110% supportive.  She said she knew this was an issue for me ever since I was little, and that I ought to do whatever I needed to to be happy.  She said to ignore what other people thought, that they didn't matter.  Since then, though, she's been trying to undermine and call my transition into question - by things like telling me what a 'handsome man' I am, that I could have been a model, etc.  - this after I told her that being called handsome has always hurt my feelings. 

My sense is that this is the kind of news that - for all but the most socially enlightened people - really has to be given time to percolate and settle in.  People are going to have strong feelings about it, and to some extent we need to just let them have those feelings.  I might have to distance myself from family a little until my transition is complete, just to protect myself.  I am a longtime member of Alanon and have found upping my meetings very helpful!

People react differently and you can not allow yourself to be controlled by the reactions of others. That's what led to this in the first place - society labeling you male because of a fast inspection between the legs at birth without giving you a chance to find out who you really are. If you allow your parents to control your decisions just to get their approval, I am almost certain you will regret it. Why do I say that? Because I allowed others to control my decisions in an attempt to be someone I could not and ultimately I failed, standing on the brink of ending everything and I still had to face myself, just 25 years later.

It sounds to me like your mother is not supportive at all. She is saying positive things to sway you because she knows she has sway with you right now and then she uses that position to her advantage, saying things that clearly show she does not support you.

Remember, someone can be loving but 100% unsupportive. Most cases are not like that but it is possible. And if you persist in your position, I would expect her to become somewhat hostile, and further, to start with the "why are you doing this to me?" line.

In short, this is your life and you alone should decide how you should live it.

She may not understand how it hurts since she never had to deal with it herself. She may need to learn how to be supportive. Try to connect her to PFLAG and/or bring her to see your therapist.

thanks for your advice peeps

im just gonna leave well enough alone for now. im happy to answer their questions if they have any, but im not gonna push the subject onto them. ill see how they feel in a few weeks and see if they wanna engage in a session with my therapist

appreciate the help