Quote from: Evelyn K on June 10, 2014, 07:41:05 AM
Stephaniec, looking the way you do in your avatar, you can bet I'm going to sit down with you and have a chat. You are sweet.

I like your altitude.

thanks

Quote from: Evelyn K on June 10, 2014, 07:37:25 AM
Hey Joanna, don't take it personally.

When you say you saw, "peeps staring at a trans women something fierce", how do you discern whether those stares where stares of lust or stares of disgust?

Are the peeps gay?
Are the peeps ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s?
Are the peeps hetero males?

How do you ascribe "stares" from each of the above according to the target (transwoman's) passability?

Thing is you can't really without getting in their brains.

They were neither lust or disgust, just kinda WTF! There were a lot of trans women, like lots. Mainly it was really bad wigs and bad clothes and big muscles that clocked them. So yeah cant say bout anyone else. But I have no idea why I said that. My point is do you think that every transwomen is at a severe disadvantage to cis women and can never be similar or land a straight man and that t=girls who say they get hit on are lying? or is it bragging?

I dont know I've never been clocked or had anything bad happen to me. Or had the slightest comment.

Quote from: Evelyn K on June 10, 2014, 07:37:25 AM
Hey Joanna, don't take it personally.

When you say you saw, "peeps staring at a trans women something fierce", how do you discern whether those stares where stares of lust or stares of disgust?

Are the peeps gay?
Are the peeps ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s?
Are the peeps hetero males?

How do you ascribe "stares" from each of the above according to the target (transwoman's) passability?

Thing is you can't really without getting in their brains.

Yes this is true. Last week I was out shopping after work and a woman was staring at me. Naturally my brain thought oh she's clocking me. But she actually talked to me she told me she wished she was my height. You really don't know what people are thinking when they stare it could be anything.

Since we're talking gay men, I have no idea. I originally read it as more general, and the handful of times I've gone to lesbian events I've had a couple of women indicate that they find my sort of "low-maintenance femme" thing attractive, but I don't hang out in venues targeting gay men (I never went clubbing anyway, and I don't have any interest in the gay male scene when I don't really "get" any part of it).

As for generalized harassment in public, yeah, many cis women get it all the time too. It's not really about attractiveness so much as it is a certain type of man establishing his power.

I've been hit on by men who are both creepy and homophobic [=unlikely to be reading me as male if they're doing this publicly], but while I admit it was a little validating early on, now I'm as irritated as my cis feminist friends.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on June 10, 2014, 09:28:34 AM
I admit it was a little validating early on, now I'm as irritated as my cis feminist friends.

It was/is validating. And i'm sure it is validating to cis women too who might be in the dumps. I just dont get the gay thing? Ive never been to a gay bar other then to hang out. Gay men wont wouldnt date me, as im too femme looking.

Yeah people stare all the time, dont mean nothing. I think im missing something with this thread.

I get hit on constantly...I've been catcalled, followed, approached sexually by coworkers, flirts from my boss, etc. I pretty much frequent target for shopping, my place of employment and the dog park...these have been all straight men. I'm not much for going out, I never have been, so this is based off of daily routines.

I do have several gay and lesbian friends and they're actually the ONLY groups to never flirt with me.

I get the feeling something is being implied by the OP without actually coming right out and saying it in this thread.  There doesn't seem to be an understanding (at least by everyone) what exactly is being asked or what the point of the thread is. 

I've not been hit on by anyone that I remember. Ever. I am pretty oblivious to things like that though. Honestly I don't spend very much time in places with single people. So that might be a reason. Attractiveness is different for everyone. I happen to think I'm a relatively attractive person but that doesn't mean others think so which again could be part of the reasoning

Quote from: EmoAlice on June 10, 2014, 12:51:42 PM
I get the feeling something is being implied by the OP without actually coming right out and saying it in this thread.  There doesn't seem to be an understanding (at least by everyone) what exactly is being asked or what the point of the thread is.

I took it as a roundabout way of doubting when any of us say we were hit on by a straight guy.

Quote from: EmoAlice on June 10, 2014, 12:51:42 PM
I get the feeling something is being implied by the OP without actually coming right out and saying it in this thread.  There doesn't seem to be an understanding (at least by everyone) what exactly is being asked or what the point of the thread is.

The meat and potato's of the question is right here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,166653.msg1446595.html#msg1446595

And MikaylaGC followed up pretty much what I was thinking all along:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,166653.msg1446215.html#msg1446215

No conspiracies here. 

I've never been hit on by gay men, I usually get hit on by older gentlemen... i don't really know how to feel about this because these men are old enough to be my father/grandfather... I mean they are nice and respectful but.... idk, anyway. Otherwise, i've gotten hit on maybe once or twice by straight men, gay men usually "avoid" me for some reason In my experience at gay venues, either most of the men see a woman and aren't interested, or see a transwoman and arent interested

I've gone to a gay strip club and been hit on by a couple of the strippers there after closing.... and they claimed to be "bi", don't know if that counts 0_o

Funnily enough; I seem to attract the attention of middle aged black men LOL can't pinpoint what it is they like about me, but most of the "attraction attitude" ive received are usually from straight black guys who are between 35-50... fascinating.

I guess this is a bit of a double-edged sword, and somewhat confusing for some of us. Some TG, go to GLBT(why is the T at the end btw, I think I'm gonna be a rebel and say TGLB from now on \o/ ) clubs/events etc to a/have some Trans-pride and be pro-active in the TGLB community or b/coz its somewhere safe for them to be who they wanna be(perhaps especially early in transition? Just musing here but anyways).
So......in that case your around potentially very open minded ppl of a similar or like mind, but technically into same sex relationships. Alot of Gay & Bi men especially seem to have difficulty seperating crossdressers/twinks/effeminate men from TG. Personally I think this explains why TGLB events/bars TG's can be hit on alot more. Its actually highly disrespectful to me, and I shudder to think that someone would base there attractiveness level as there chosen sex based on that.
But.....on the flipside I 'get' why it can be hell flattering to alot of ppl and a real confidence booster. But just remember this, lets say if we continue my musings this person who hits on you and is making you feel good, takes you to bed(or whatever)....what do they see from you? are they taking you to bed/chasing you because they think your an intelligent, charming & good looking woman in there minds eye or are they treating you as a chick with dick(ergo they as a gay man in this example still considers you based on your equipment, not as you present).
Again on the flipside.....this would be great if you dont get hung up on such things,but, alot of TG (I guess) do seek validation from the opposite binary sex. To me its not healthy mentally, if your not interested in them sexually or physically/mentally. Thats like a Lesbian woman getting hung up on not feeling attractive around straight men...its counter-intuitive because she could and prolly does feel uncomfortable around them but feels like a goddess amongst her peers. Its more healthy I think to feel attractive to who you wanna attract.......but(here we go again )I have this vague notion that a TG who wants to have a somewhat normal binary relationship with a straight man, has taken the most difficult path compared to having a relationship with another TG/Gay guy/Bi person etc etc
Its all interesting banter, but at the end of the day, lets not over think it, this stuff could crush you if you let it

I thought I might share something interesting that happened to me just over a week ago, I was in a LGBT bar, a gay man started hitting on me and I wasn't in the mood so I told him I was taking Androcur and then explained what the effects are and how happy I would never get an erection again and that I was chemically castrated.

As it happens I actually hadn't started taking Androcur but I had the prescription and was just waiting to do a final reference blood test, I'm now a week in.

What happened was like something from a movie scene, there was a look of utter horror and then he lost all interest.

Coming from the other side of the bar here. The only time I've had gay men hit on me is when I've been in a uniform that is totally male oriented. When the uniform is more unisex and I can present more andro I'm ignored. Now I don't frequent gay bars or clubs in the city on my day off. (Reminds me off what I use to do, give me live band and a pool table). But the attention I have attracted was from straight men and women. Even walking through some of our gay area's night or day I don't turn any heads.

Now why the attention when I was in a 'male' uniform?  Now in some other posts I've spoken about a mental mindset if you want to slowly transition quietly and stealthy (something I failed to have). Now why my dress was male, my voice body language posture screamed female. For some this effeminate male could be considered a 'tink', (I wasn't). Now dressing and presenting the way I wish I dissappear.

Now the guys that have chatted me up are they exclusively straight,  I don't know I'm not a mind reader if I was I wouldn't be working I would be making money at the poker tables.

Glad to see you back Evelyn asking the questions that make us all scratch our heads and think

Men are like dogs
They will sniff everything
I get hit on a lot and sometimes if not all the
Time I'm read shortly after. They usually say the
" I'm not into trans but you really tempt me "
And I smile and say " legendary trap " snd walk away.

Quote from: Bijou on June 10, 2014, 01:21:47 PM
I took it as a roundabout way of doubting when any of us say we were hit on by a straight guy.

It definitely comes across that way, at least to someone who gets hit on a lot. I didn't get hit on today though. But, lucky me, I did get sexually molested. I went to buy my BF a pack of cigarettes cause he's the laziest person ever, or is it because he takes care of me, not sure, anyhoo I was walking to 20th and Susquehanna (go ahead, google it. it's a beautiful area hehe) and this guy blocks my way and I thought he was just messing about, but then he grabs me by my waist and pulls me to him while grabbing my ass and staring into my eyes like he wanted to devour me. Then he let me go or I escaped (he wasn't holding on that hard, but still) and that was that. Trust me, this guy was straight. Straight out of a rap video--or prison. Prolly both. And he obviously liked what he saw. So, while validating, it was also scary and a complete violation of my space and just wrong. Gawd. I didn't even say anything. I just kinda grinned. I was so scared. I'm really small so I can not fight back.

So I have mixed feelings about this topic. While interesting, for peeps like me who get hit on (or molested) it makes you second guess yourself. All day I wondered, was that guy joking? Just making fun of me? Maybe I'm not passable at all. I should just quit. I'm so ugly. UGH. Wait, no, I look pretty, yeah, I'm fine. I mean the other day some guy said I was so pretty that he wished he had a million dollars or money or something so he could marry me right there as someone as pretty as me deserves the best or some stuff. It was so sweet and made me feel great and hopeful and alive and just good. It's been happening a lot. I won't lie my number one goal in life is to be pretty. I'm not kidding it means a lot to me. I'm pretty useless and lazy so if I was uber pretty, boom, I can continue that way. I kid I kid. About being lazy. haha

But I've never been hit on by a gay guy. Never been to a gay bar in ages. No gay guy would want me, eva.

I haven't been catcalled since July 2013, and it was rather dark. I've never been hit on. Not that I do a lot of nightlife, and my facial expression are usally fixed at "grumpy - I will kill you if you ever try something". Neither in gay bars.

Let's see if things change after FFS. The only times I am approached are to ask me if I really am a woman.