I kind of want to cry. My background check certificate came in. And as I expected, in big, fat letters, there's my previous name.

Hi employer. You hardly know me. Here's my background check. With a name that tells you something extremely personal about me. I know right, nice first impression. I don't get a fresh slate like other employees, because I have this unfortunate medical condition which you now know about - and likely, that's the first thing you know about me as a person. That I am "the trans one." I don't get to start my job as any other human being would, I get to be the company freak.

I should have taken the chance and simply lied, saying I have no previous names. But I chose to be honest and upfront and that's my reward: humiliation.

Oh god, that's awful. Haven't had that happen, but I was always afraid of it. It is so unfair. Like employers aren't allowed to know a candidate has AIDS or any other medical condition. But they can know this.

I get that in most cases, name changes are benign - like getting married, etc. I get why they want the previous name. But once they've verified the criminal record, why do they need to share that with the employer? My previous name, or gender for that matter, are none of an employer's business.

I'm going to take another approach to this. Apparently I have 3 months from the start of employment to present the criminal record check. I'll use that time to go to the police station and talk to them about this issue.

Quote from: birkin on June 11, 2014, 07:25:05 PM
I get that in most cases, name changes are benign - like getting married, etc. I get why they want the previous name. But once they've verified the criminal record, why do they need to share that with the employer? My previous name, or gender for that matter, are none of an employer's business.

I'm going to take another approach to this. Apparently I have 3 months from the start of employment to present the criminal record check. I'll use that time to go to the police station and talk to them about this issue.

Good luck hon, that sucks but if you have a clean record the trans thing shouldn't matter and if it did then you want to document everything and hire a barracuda gender defender on a contingency, they usually clean their coffers and take 30% for themselves.

My friend, I pretty much consider her my best friend, as I've never felt so close to another person, especially not another female, is a year from graduation in marketing and IT, and is getting job offers left and right, just announced she got one from Delta. How I would have loved a job with them, even though they're not even only top 10 airlines list, but I'd still love a job in the industry, anywhere they could put me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, just extremely jealous. As a college expultee, when it comes to jobs, I'm in dire trouble to find anything not part time and minimum wage.

I probably shouldn't get into the fine details here, but suffice to say I can't stop crying right now.

The upshot is that a woman with whom I have become good friends over the last six years is having serious problems with her teenage daughter and the chances of me ever seeing her again have become slim.  I am going to miss her so much.  I could tell her ANYTHING and it was OK.  She went out of her way to help when I was sick, sicker and sickest and was one of the first to know that I was transgender.  I wish I could do something to help, but I know I am completely powerless and that she is doing the right thing by putting her family's needs before her own.

Thinking about transitioning makes me feel uneasy about the future, which looks bleak at the moment.

Everything toppling down on me like trillions of tons of bricks.

Inadvertently having a conversation with my idiot of a father via text.  Don't want to store his number so I must now force myself to remember it grr.

my stomach is feeling hollow again, plus i cant sleep right now and my head is hurting -.-

I'm feeling awful in every possible aspect. Going late to bed and having a sleepless night was only the beggining. Due to appointments yesterday I could not wash my hair in the evening as usual, so I had to do it fast this morning (the whole process of applying products, waiting to dry, straightening it... Add to that a bad shampoo choice and you have worst hair ever. Also, it took me so long that I haven't been able to dress decently, put makeup ands I had to run to arrive, so I am all sweaty in a 30° morning.

So I am not very happy about the fact that I look like a dude that needs a haircut the day of my SRS consultation. I should be on a freaking dress...

 

Quote from: Vampire Brianna Terryal Onyx on June 13, 2014, 02:17:57 AM
my stomach is feeling hollow again, plus i cant sleep right now and my head is hurting -.-

I understand where you are coming from, more than I care to share.

I'm still really agitated and angry and no one understands or cares. They're probably just going to use it against me to try to hurt me and then people will still try to convince me that other people are worth anything.

I had a missed call from my kids' school. Now, my kids didn't want me to come out to their school so I can't exactly ring them back (especially with my obviously male voice) so I texted their dad to ask him to ring the school & find out what's up.

He texted me back a couple of minutes later to say he'd already spoken to them earlier: my youngest is unwell and he's asked his parents to pick her up.

So he heard that our daughter is unwell and jumped on the phone to his parents about it, but he didn't see fit to tell me that my child is unwell.

I texted him back to ask what's wrong with her & why he didn't let me know she was unwell, and the [illegitimate child] hasn't come back to me yet.

That bloody [masturbator] is pushing his luck... 

my stomach is gnawing at itself so if i try to eat something, its bound to come back up, my head is killing me from restless sleep, and i'm just in a way did i even wake up mood again. 7 hours to go until my therapy appointment

The flu I thought I had turns out to be bronchitis and the antibotics I'm on might counteract the BC I'm on. I can already feel the sharp stabbing aches again...

For the first time in a while, I saw nothing but a hollow shell and a lie looking at me in the mirror. I hate what I see and I want to destroy everything around me. It just tears me apart knowing I might not be able to get anywhere and a bus ticket out of here might be my only solution. I need to get somewhere before I get really bad again.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 13, 2014, 09:51:46 AM
I had a missed call from my kids' school. Now, my kids didn't want me to come out to their school so I can't exactly ring them back (especially with my obviously male voice) so I texted their dad to ask him to ring the school & find out what's up.

He texted me back a couple of minutes later to say he'd already spoken to them earlier: my youngest is unwell and he's asked his parents to pick her up.

So he heard that our daughter is unwell and jumped on the phone to his parents about it, but he didn't see fit to tell me that my child is unwell.

I texted him back to ask what's wrong with her & why he didn't let me know she was unwell, and the [illegitimate child] hasn't come back to me yet.

That bloody [masturbator] is pushing his luck... 

Sounds like we're on the cusp of WWIII.

Quote from: Shantel on June 13, 2014, 10:27:52 AM
Sounds like we're on the cusp of WWIII.

You may well be correct there, Auntie Shan. I've already located a trans*-friendly solicitor in my local area. I don't want to involve her at the moment because of the upheaval it'll cause the kids, but I've got her ready to pounce whenever it becomes necessary. 

Quote from: FTMDiaries on June 13, 2014, 10:40:22 AM
You may well be correct there, Auntie Shan. I've already located a trans*-friendly solicitor in my local area. I don't want to involve her at the moment because of the upheaval it'll cause the kids, but I've got her ready to pounce whenever it becomes necessary. 

Always preferable to be proactive rather than reactive, good luck!

Quote from: Shantel on June 13, 2014, 11:19:28 AM
Always preferable to be proactive rather than reactive, good luck!

Actually, he's the one who needs to be wished good luck! 

[Walks away whistling the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly]