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my co-workers are transitioning

Started by Ms Bev, September 03, 2007, 11:15:17 PM

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Ms Bev

For those of you that read through, and commented on my coming out experiences at work, thanks for your support.  I thought I would take a few minutes for an update (the original thread was under "coming out").
I have become old news at work now.  It's been 3 months since I went full time.  I have a new set of
supportive friends and associates.  I use their ladies room much of the time, when it suits me ( I still prefer the restroom in the mall food court....it's cleaner).  When I see a coworker in the ladies room, I'll say hello if prompted or not, and usually get a cordial response.
The 3 coworkers who refuse to call me Beverly refer to me with customers by my last name....okay, fine, no biggie, at least they don't call me Mike. 
The other day, I told one of my friends I really didn't understand one coworker's treatment in particular.....a black man, early sixties.  I said "he was raised before, and during civil rights in this country.  If I had his background of experience, I could not find it in my heart to be anti anyone".  It was after that, he started talking to me again, a little.  A hi here or there, and goodnight, etc. 
A few days later, a customer asked him for assistance for items that were my responsibility, and he calmly looked at me, then at the customer, then motioned my way, saying, "that lady can help you with that".
I suffered a severe case of whiplash!  What the hell happened??  He went from "goddamned ->-bleeped-<-got" to "that lady"??

My ex-best friend just got back from a long vacation, and came by, gave me her 'I love you smile', asked how I was, said my earrings were pretty.  I said I was fine, thanked her for the compliment, but avoided her the rest of the day.  I know...it sounds crappy, but she turned me away twice when I tried to salvage our relationship, once each of the past 2 months.  I won't let her hurt me like that again. 

My other second best friend treats me with respect, if not love, flawlessly calls me Bev or Beverly she and her, even when I'm not nearby.  But she is now an acquaintance, or better, a friend.......but not the good friend she once was.  We've had several conversations, and she has let me know she does not approve of same sex relationships.  Marcy loved hearing that one!  Okay, so I'm like her lesbian friend, but she doesn't like other lesbians, yada yada yada....

I've gained some new friends that respect who I am, call me Bev, and she or her, and defend me if the ocassion arises.
Most of the people in the store are polite, and a few have become quite friendly.  Two of the women I didn't know before all this, call me Miss Beverly, and treat me as a woman, even in the ladies room.

Okay, so now, the people I work with, who have been so hard on me, are starting to treat me like a human being.  I was talking to a friend, our HR manager yesterday, and she wanted to know how it was going.  She said,  "Bev....you knew going into this how hard it was going to be.  don't forget...you transitioned on the job for years.  And, well....now they are transitioning in their own way".

Smart lady.
So, then we chatted, she wanted to know if I had ffs, and seemed amazed that I hadn't had any.  Other small talk.

I went back to the sales floor, and it seemed a different place, a slightly different atmosphere somehow.


Bev
1.) If you're skating on thin ice, you might as well dance. 
Bev
2.) The more I talk to my married friends, the more I
     appreciate  having a wife.
Marcy
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buttercup

Hi Miss Beverly,

Reading your post was very inspirational, it is nice to hear a happy story where people are accepting, even if some take their time about it. :)  I think people that have objections, should take a good hard look at themselves about how someone else's transition could effect them?  It doesn't, and there really isn't any sane reason in my books why anyone should make a fuss.  It's good to see people at your work made an effort to be kind humans, but the full credit goes to you.  You are a real champion in my eyes and deserve kudos for sticking it out when some just give up (sorry that's kinda my story).

buttercup  :)
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Diane

It's good to hear things are going better for you at work. You give hope to others in similar situations.
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Kate

That's all so encouraging to hear! It's nice to see people are coming around to you... and why wouldn't they? How could they resist such a nice and sweet person?

You make a great point. My therapist always told me the same thing, saying "When you transition, everyone else has to transition with you."

It can be a difficult thing to keep in mind when we have so much going on inside us, but I truly believe it's the key to minimizing transition troubles. So many people seem to throw this into people's faces and demand acceptance under threats of law suits and discrimination, but I think if things stay on an person-to-person level, and we allow people to grow into this just as WE had to do... it usually works out in the end.

I'm so happy for you!

~Kate~
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Rachael

my coworkers are the same, thier totally fine and make no mistakes, although iranian culture allows for trans people. as do certain other muslim nations.
R :police:
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