The fact that transition may be further away than I thought makes me unhappy.

The fact that I posted that I had finally managed to find an endo and had scheduled the appointment, made some lunch, sat down with it, only to get a call from the endo's office saying that the nurse had talked to the doctor and he does not, in fact, have any experience with transgendered people. He then referred me to a practice 70 miles away.

*Sigh* The endo in my primary's practice will see me, but I'm not convinced I trust them after the way he reacted when I told him I was trans on Friday. Too tired and let down to call them now. Maybe later.

*Sniff*

My job doesn't pay enough, add to that the strict restrictions with the Gov. assistance I get and NOW, to make matters worse for me, I find out my apartment is now going to charge me and all tenants a water fee that's based on per gallon usage. If it's anymore than $40, I won't be able to afford that. I am upset, nearly cried and now depressed. It's like, what's the damn point in going on! Before this, I figured I might can save up to $4000 in 5 years, no where NEAR enough for a damn surgery such as SRS and any of that savings would have to go to bus fair and hormones.. but now, I can't save up at all.. I'm going to be losing money. I just, I don't know why I was ever born, life is cruel.. T^T

EDIT: Feeling better after my Dad talked to me. Still depressed but he made me realize I'm actually saving more money than I originally thought so, I will be able to make it by each month. Now as to transitioning, only time will tell..

Bad hair day.
Accidently leaving my keys in my locker at work...had to destroy the lock, that was fun, or would have been had I not been in such a fool mood.

Landscape contractor and crew.   Need I say more?

Telling my first guy friend that I was trans... he acted as if I was joking and couldn't make himself believe that I was being honest.

->-bleeped-<- him.  I never want to tell another guy again.

Quote from: FilaFord on June 16, 2014, 11:25:11 PM
Telling my first guy friend that I was trans... he acted as if I was joking and couldn't make himself believe that I was being honest.

<not allowed> him.  I never want to tell another guy again.

Then again look at the shiny side of that dark cloud, it was a helluva pass when you think of it. Cheer up, they're not all dorks!

Quote from: FilaFord on June 16, 2014, 11:25:11 PM
Telling my first guy friend that I was trans... he acted as if I was joking and couldn't make himself believe that I was being honest.

<not allowed> him.  I never want to tell another guy again.

If the relationship continued you would have to eventually tell him (or any guy) that you were born a guy and have undergone full SRS. It is probably better to tell them before the relationship turns sexual.

Almost missed the bus.  I had to jog and flag the driver down and felt embarrassed. The only reason I was able to make it (other than the driver stopping) was because a guy was getting off the bus at my stop, which gave me a bit more time.  If he didn't do that, then I would have been screwed.    I think an angel was looking out for me because at that time, no one really gets off at that stop.  Stupid call at work held me up, some girl who wanted to check on the status of her application, but it was missing.  I didn't even have a change to take my habitual bathroom stop before leaving.

My friend cancelled on eating dinner together at the last minute. I text him that I might come a bit later due to watching Brazil vs. Mexico but then he proceeds to tell me "Oh, I might have to cancel. My mom needs me to pick her up since her boyfriend is stuck at work." I asked why he didn't tell me earlier and he's like "She just told me 10 minutes ago".

Quote from: mac1 on June 17, 2014, 02:49:09 PM
If the relationship continued you would have to eventually tell him (or any guy) that you were born a guy and have undergone full SRS. It is probably better to tell them before the relationship turns sexual.

No no no! Gross! I don't want anything sexual with him hahha

He has been a good friend since I was like 16 years old. He's over it now and is trying to understand so it's not as bad as I thought. I was being a bit over dramatic last night :-/

Laptop charger going out

My friend Megan Joanne is feeling suicidal and seems to be having a meltdown. I'm concerned about her!

Quote from: Shantel on June 17, 2014, 06:42:47 PM
My friend Megan Joanne is feeling suicidal and seems to be having a meltdown. I'm concerned about her!

I'm really sorry to hear that. Send her a hug from me, okay?

Quote from: Sephirah on June 17, 2014, 06:46:03 PM
I'm really sorry to hear that. Send her a hug from me, okay?

She's a member here and posted in "what I have done today" She's not responding to my pm so I'm wondering if she's OK and hope she isn't serious about harming herself.

 Damn testosterone, its making me nuts!

But I'm okay now. Just had to run its course (tends to always hit me hardest in the morning  ). Got through it as I always have. Thank you, both of you. 

I'm having some serious anxiety though.

Pretty much the same thing as usual, just that I was pissed of enough to make a post of it with words too "dirty" for this community:

http://wipnoah.tumblr.com/post/89147927488/the-online-dating-issue

Had my 3rd monthly therapy session today but no closer to starting hrt.   So frustrating after waiting 5 months to start therapy .

Parents calling me stupid and lacking common sense. Over a missing yearbook photo.

Had a major storm last night. One of the big spruces was hit by lightning and lost a good thirty foot section which fell into the sunburst locust and took out a huge limb off of that. In the mean time the peonies which were just starting to bloom (After surviving the winter) are now as flat as a road pancake. Already spent four hours cleaning up as much as I could,but the top of the spruce tree is hung up about 12 feet off the ground. (Hopefully be able to get someone out soon) And to top it all off I tried to pretend that my finger was a branch. (Good thing I don't use power tools. I would be hazardess to my own health)