Hello All I'm Krissa

I came out to my Daughters God father a man I've always called a brother earlier this week.
I felt I was going to lose him and see his back as he walked away but this was all in my mind.
He accepted and accepts me for who I am but is the fists to admit he is NO councilor so that is who I need to ask questions of ! In some ways I agree and I am seeing one who is helping me even though I've always had a dislike of airing my feelings due to how my blood family reacted. I've not spoken with any blood family in over 20 years.

My problem is this : I have a 9 year old daughter who is my world and a wife whom is my very best of friends even though that is all we have been for a decade and more.
My physical should not matter to my best friend but as my wife it becomes much more complex.

My spouse does not like councilors or airing her feelings to anyone and she has always said from day one I am the emotional and compassionate one of the two of us.  I don't want to drag her in front of a stranger and say look " love I'm a Girl inside who is now going to become one on the outside to finally live a life I am not ashamed to live "
I will get one chance at this and am looking for any help and ideas on ways others have dealt with the same Please ? I am begging here because I do not wish them to hate me ! They are all I have in this entire world !!!
I can not live the lie I have been living ! The army did not cures as I hoped but made my life a living hell with no escape at the time. I have to be complete and to love myself to be content within my own temple because it's killing me not to be. My prayers to god are not for happiness but for an end to the torture and I can't live like that.

I want to live life and be here for my daughter , my family and want to just be happy living for life  itself but to do this I need to love myself.

Please help me know ways in which others have brought their spouse and young children into their hearts and into their souls so they can try to understand ??

My wife has always been aware of my tells in lingerie and shaving waxing my legs and plucking my brows . There is a huge difference though between what I have done and what I am doing now in seeking SRS with psychiatrists for approval , moving into HRT and finally giving my soul contentment.

HOW can I tell her, how can she love me once I have even as we are now as friends ? It's been 10 + years since we touched so should it really matter ? Yet it will won't it ? Please help a lost and hurting soul broach this to the two people who matter on this earth , my wife and my daughter !  How have others , you dealt with the pain and the fear of coming clean ?

Thank you one and all , please be happy and please be well.

Sincerely,

Krissa

Krissa

First don't panic.

You need to see a good gender therapist and work out just where you are .  In doing this you will develop the self knowledge and awareness to move forward.   In many ways communicating intense distress and only a single outcome ie full mtf transition, without doing this work and receiving coaching from someone you trust and is working for you, is very high risk for you and for your relationships.

Low dose HRT  may relieve or remove all of your dysphoria and may be appropriate therapy after you are confirmed as TG.   From there you will find more balance and less stress which will be a much better place for you to communicate fully and authentically with your wife and family.

At this stage try not to stress over what may happen.  Do not over think this.  Take the first step and seek expert assistance. 

There are many others on Susans who will be able to offer advice and share their perspectives and experience.

Be well and safe travels

Aisla