Today was so full of confusion but also a whole lot of pain. First where I work, there were guys working some construction and whenever they spoke to me would say sir at me and when I gave them my guy name just so there wasnt any transgender issues, they kept saying sir until the end where one of the guys called me by my guy name. One guy was in a bad mood at work. I always feel confused and odd around guys but than 3 guys came to the front desk and I know 2 of the guys but it felt like strange like ya know. I know they mean nothing by sir which some know I have a problem but Ive never said the real reason but have said I dont like being made super important which is not the real reason. I have felt all day like why wasnt I born a girl. I even did up my hair today really nice but the heat outside messed it up a little. These are super tough days and ones where for a second I almost got a little watery in my eyes. I have to dress like a guy where I work and no one knows Im trans as I intend to keep it as but having to still sometimes hurts me inside. The whole day was bad.

Aw thanks! I really do get sad by the thought of I never was a little girl and it's def hard to deal with a thought like that sometimes and that went through my head today often which is what gets me. I know that I have a girl brain mostly and that Im different but I also do realize that I can make some changes to give my face a girl look like my hair growing out, facial hair permanently gone and many other things. Ive always dreamed of having long gorgeous hair since I was little but not because of my parents but because of society, I had to play the part of boy and ya I had to fake some of it knowing Im this little girl inside. My parents would have accepted me but society always made me nervous so ya. I acted out in high school and partly for I was lost at who I am. It's a long story and it's late but Im a girl mostly inside and I know who I am but being trans is not easy. Somedays are easier than others.

Sorry you're having a rough time right now.  Those days where everything feels out of place aren't fun at all.

I wish I had a cure for them, but I don't have much to offer except sympathy and the small comfort that you're among people who understand what you're going through.  This site is a great place to be for venting and complaining when things aren't quite right, and we're here for you.

It's so hard to not be able to be who you are. I wish you could have been born as a girl and that I could somehow make things better. You aren't alone though.

Can you do something nice for yourself? Something the little girl in you would like?

Im glad there are people who feel the same way as me. I do feel alone sometimes that I get down like Im a freak and all. Yesterday, I was talking to a guy at work about my hair and Im serious even though I do it in a joking manner about how Im a keep growing it out. He looked at me and was like your not a girl, girls do that. Now he's an older guy with a disability and no one else talks to him and Ive always befriended him. He knows Ill keep growing it out. I didn't get hurt like angry but people only see the outside. They see me and think he's a guy not realizing and unaware underneath my skin lies this little girl that always had to deal with the being scared of being seen, had to deal with the boy sides of me and scrutinize me if they knew my secret. Now Ive let the girl out more over time and a few people have seen infact even one friend knows Im transgender and a few others have questioned me before but it's still mostly a secret unless people know and just don't say so. That friend who knows said before she knew that Ive always been emotionally sensitive.

Im gonna be fine and I know that things will get better. Im lucky that my parents would have supported me if I had said Im a girl like when I was 8 or 7. My dad passed away and was a guy guy, not like me but he would have supported how I feel and my mom is supportive like for example I was looking at hair coloring the other day and I said how if I do, ill go to the stylist. She agreed like if I want to get highlights, I better go to have it professionally done. She even has helped me get the right hair accessories like a flat iron for example. She saw my necklaces and didn't think I was weird. This coming from my mom who's very conservative is soo accepting and although she has mentioned how my hair looks good short, she accepts me for me just like my dad did. Ive been lucky in that area.

Yesturday was just a really tough day for me.

Quote from: christopher on June 19, 2014, 09:19:08 AM
It's so hard to not be able to be who you are. I wish you could have been born as a girl and that I could somehow make things better. You aren't alone though.

Can you do something nice for yourself? Something the little girl in you would like?

Thank you!

The thing is today Im much more happier than yesterday but who knows when Ill get depressed again like yesterday. I really intend to get some work done and give my face and body a bit of the girl look. My hair is nearing shoulder length plus after vitamins and such, my hair is thickening up. Getting rid of my facial hair and getting my tummy toned and skinny is the next thing. I intend to do some other work but no hrt or surgery. I have a list somewhere I wrote one day of what I want to get done. Ive let the world see my girl side a bit and intend to do it some more but other than one person, no one knows Im trans. Yesturday was a really tough bad day and I havent had to struggle with that bad in quite awhile. I believe in heaven and hope to spend my forever life there as a girl. That gives me faith in my situation. It helps me feel better when I get so down about not being born a girl. It's never a total easy thing being trans but Im glad Im not alone and others know how I feel.