I don't feel I need it to be a woman at all

Vital. I have never felt like the equipment I was born with belonged there, and it causes me no end of grief.
I want to be whole, and to have a chance at a normal life like any other woman.

It's really important for me - it represents a borderline between 'transitioning to a woman' and 'living as a woman - a line after which I have nothing to fear - no guillotine hanging over my head from finances or an ill-aimed eye revealing my secrets. I can do anything now a normal woman could and never have to tell a soul my secret. It's over - I'm done - and that means the world to me.

Quote from: ZoeM on June 21, 2014, 05:24:38 PM
It's really important for me - it represents a borderline between 'transitioning to a woman' and 'living as a woman - a line after which I have nothing to fear - no guillotine hanging over my head from finances or an ill-aimed eye revealing my secrets. I can do anything now a normal woman could and never have to tell a soul my secret. It's over - I'm done - and that means the world to me.

good for you. each day I feel more confident in taking that step

Quote from: ZoeM on June 21, 2014, 05:24:38 PM
It's really important for me - it represents a borderline between 'transitioning to a woman' and 'living as a woman - a line after which I have nothing to fear - no guillotine hanging over my head from finances or an ill-aimed eye revealing my secrets. I can do anything now a normal woman could and never have to tell a soul my secret. It's over - I'm done - and that means the world to me.

I feel you here. I felt the same way except I seen it as a abnormal cellular mass affixed to my crotch, an alien flap of skin dangling about tormenting me; infecting my body like a parasite and haunting me like death. The first time I reached down and felt it gone I smiled...the pain made me happy for the first time in my miserable life. It was a good pain!

Life to me isn't worth living without it. I've dreamt of, and have needed to be whole all my life. For me it's an absolute necessity. I'm so repulsed of what's there now I can't be intimate with anyone beyond cuddling. I can't even stand to touch the thing. It should never have been there. Also, life without SRS would condemn me to a life alone. So again, without it life isn't worth living.

Ally

Quote from: ZoeM on June 21, 2014, 05:24:38 PM
It's really important for me - it represents a borderline between 'transitioning to a woman' and 'living as a woman - a line after which I have nothing to fear - no guillotine hanging over my head from finances or an ill-aimed eye revealing my secrets. I can do anything now a normal woman could and never have to tell a soul my secret. It's over - I'm done - and that means the world to me.

This is absolutely me too, very well put Zoe Add that to the fact that I grew up right beside the sea in New Zealand, and we are all about the ocean here. Being in the sea has almost religious significance to me, the amount of evenings I've spent out beyond the breakers watching the sun set in an almost ecstasy of awe.. I do not want any physical bits hanging around that could affect my confidence or enjoyment of the beach and ocean whenever I choose to enjoy it.. It might sound strange to many, but it is very important to me.

A complete necessity. What is there now has brought me nothing but pain and misery over the years.

If you had asked me this question at the beginning of transition, I would have said that it was the most important thing in the world to me, possibly even more important than the social transition itself. I had severe bodily dysphoria, so much so that I actually attempted freezing my own genitals in ice around age 16, and constantly had (happy) dreams about cutting the damned thing off.

Shockingly, though, transitioning has significantly eased my genital dysphoria. Having smooth skin and hips and a feminine body shape has made it much more bearable, and HRT cutting my sex-drive down to basically nothing has made it such that I really don't think about it that much anymore. (Erections are my primary source of genital dysphoria, so now that I don't have to worry about that AT ALL anymore, it's not as big of a deal.) It still does bother me, mainly just because tucking is a pain in the butt, it severely limits my swimsuit options, interferes with my ability to fully see a girl in the mirror, makes me a bit nervous of being "found out," especially when I'm using the bathroom, and I'm sure if I was actually in a sexual relationship it would be a HUGE deal, but at the moment it's really not something that makes me miserable every day anymore. Most of the time I'm able to ignore it. So SRS has dropped down from being my #1 priority to just being something that I'm hoping that at one point I can get in the future.

My #1 priority now is seeing a girl in the mirror, and being able to just live as a girl without worrying about it anymore. I'll start worrying about SRS again once that's out of the way.

Possibly unsurprisingly, Carrie, having a vagina really helps with seeing a girl in the mirror.

Quote from: ZoeM on June 21, 2014, 08:54:45 PM
Possibly unsurprisingly, Carrie, having a vagina really helps with seeing a girl in the mirror.

+1, I agree. There's absolutely no way I'll be able to see a whole girl in the mirror until after I've had my SRS. In addition, I have a boat which I enjoy very much, and I enjoy water sports very much and until after my SRS I'll never be able to wear a proper swimsuit no matter how good my body looks. What's there now causes me dysphoria to the verge of depression by me just knowing it shouldn't be there sex drive or no sex drive.

Carrie you look amazing and I admire your ability to ignore (I apologize if not the right word) it enough to feel as great about yourself as you do before SRS.

Ally

As things stand now, not important at all. Probably an orchi but that's just to get rid of my ability to make T.

As long as there is the dilation requirement I don't see me getting SRS. Yeah I'd prefer a vagina, but I just can't be controlled by my genitals again like I was before I began HRT. I think going to back to anything resembling that, would be outright torturous as I so enjoy my freedom to enjoy my life now.

Also, with respect to Zoe, I live the life of the woman I am every day my body as is. Yeah, I have legacy stuff in the mirror but what gets reflected there doesn't detract from my womanhood one iota.

Yes, but it's not my priority at the moment. Looking to mid 2016 as the likely time frame.

Currently, I'm sort of on the fence. I was never that dysphoric about just having male genitals, but I have always had strong feelings that I would have preferred female ones, and I don't think I could ever be comfortable having sex in the role of a male. But since I've been on HRT my sex drive has been negligible, so I don't feel an immediate need to have the procedure done. If and when I am satisfied with the progress I've made transitioning to the point where I feel like I want to start dating, it's something I would strongly consider. But for now, I am much more focused on getting the rest of my body to a place I can live with. Well, that being said, if there was a procedure that could give me a complete functioning female reproductive system, I would do it without hesitation. It's just that the current procedure available is less than ideal, and the whole dilation thing sounds pretty awful. It's just not worth it to me unless I feel a tangible need to have it done. I am however planning to get an orchiectomy in the near future, because I can't stand the thought of having anything in my body that could potentially reduce the progress I've made, and make me feel the way I used to before I started HRT.

Quote from: Allyda on June 21, 2014, 10:58:06 PM
Carrie you look amazing and I admire your ability to ignore (I apologize if not the right word) it enough to feel as great about yourself as you do before SRS.

Ally

Thanks, but trust me, I do NOT feel "great" about myself. I think you misinterpereted the part where I said I had to worry about seeing a girl in the mirror first before I could worry about SRS. (Meaning I still don't see a girl in the mirror. I just see someone who is maybe androgynously-femaleish at best, and really blatantly clockable as trans.) Basically, I've got bigger problems to worry about that are making SRS seem like less of a priority.

Quote from: ZoeM on June 21, 2014, 08:54:45 PM
Possibly unsurprisingly, Carrie, having a vagina really helps with seeing a girl in the mirror.

Still wouldn't help with seeing a girl in the mirror when I have clothes on, though... I still can't even do that. Honestly, I don't even think a vagina would look right on my body at this point. Not with my bone structure and face and hair like it is...

Quote from: Carrie Liz on June 21, 2014, 11:55:49 PM
Thanks, but trust me, I do NOT feel "great" about myself. I think you misinterpereted the part where I said I had to worry about seeing a girl in the mirror first before I could worry about SRS. (Meaning I still don't see a girl in the mirror. I just see someone who is maybe androgynously-femaleish at best, and really blatantly clockable as trans.) Basically, I've got bigger problems to worry about that are making SRS seem like less of a priority.

Sorry if I misunderstood Carrie. This is a very touchy subject for me. Being intersexed and identifying as female since I was a toddler, looking much more like a girl than a boy, plus my very feminine manurisms made being forced to act like and live as a boy a living hell. Up until I went full time 5 years ago I've lived between genders my entire life always physically and mentally favoring the female me, the only me, and despite this having to live as a male made me sick inside in a way that's very hard to describe. I won't go further into the darker side of my life so as not to repeat my early posts, and not depress anyone. All I've ever wanted, or longed for is to be a normal girl with normal girl parts both inside and out. And, I've just waited sooooo long to be finally whole. I won't repeat my words in my earlier replies as I believe you get the idea how much my having my SRS means to me.

Again I'm sorry for misunderstanding your words.

Best wishes, always.

Ally

I am devoting as much time and effort as I can to get to that wonderful day when I board that plane to Thailand...fund raising, begging, borrowing and stealing to get the money I need.

Requiring 12 months of living full time a as woman, before I can get an NHS letter of referral for SRS, was one of the main considerations that pushed me to start full time so early.

I wish I didn't feel this way, and that I could honestly say to myself "Hey, it's not what's between your legs that matters, you can be a woman without SRS". And I do firmly believe that statement...if you have the mental strength and ability to feel that way without SRS I am genuinely envious of you.

But personally, if I am honest with myself, I feel like my life is on hold, or at least greatly restricted, until I can get things "properly re-calibrated" down stairs... >.>

I'm tired of having to tuck my genetic shame away so nobody can see it...I wish I had the option to wear more tight fitting clothes without fear of a bulge...I miss going swimming and exercising in public...I am fed up of "relieving tension" in a manner I find disgusting and that most often leaves me feeling depressed after...I want to be able to engage in a sexual relationship with a new partner, and not feel the need to inform them pre-coitus of what "surprises" lay in store...and I don't want to look in the mirror every morning and see this...thing taunting me...a grim reminder of a painful past I want to leave behind.

Yeah...for me SRS is exceptionally important. It's my big goal, like a final trial before I can get my own mental "Woman Driver's Licence"...

Of course like we all know...it's only in the years after you pass your driving test that you REALLY learn how to drive, and I reckon having SRS will be no different ^^'

entirely important, it's for me and how I feel about myself, I want to be able to put a swimming cozzie on and go for a swim without the need for any tucking, taping, folding and hiding what should not be there

When I started my transition in the fall of last year the idea of getting GRS was a hazy thing that was way out in there somewhere in my future; I didn't spend much time thinking about it because it just wasn't important to me at that time. I had many, many other hills to climb before I needed to be worried about GRS. I wasn't out that much en femme and I could make do with the equipment I was born with.

Now that i'm into my transition and i'm spending far more time as the authentic me it's jarring to see that thing down there, and it a pain to always have to hide it. I always worry about having a bulge when wearing certain clothes - especially skirts. Additionally, I think that my prospects for dating are very slim with it still there; I identify mainly as a lesbian (although I find myself leaning a little bit toward pansexual these days) and having that appendage just will not work in any intimate situation that I can imagine. Dating someone that is interested in me only because I still have the thing is a complete non-starter.

The importance of GRS has risen significantly to me as my life situation has changed. I've just got to figure out a way to come up with the funds for GRS.

(I will say that dilation has ended up being much less of a deal than I expected... it was a thing that took over my life for the first couple months, sure, but now that I've finally managed to get down to 15 minutes once a week, it's a mildly annoying chore that takes less effort and time than doing the dishes. And if I were having sex with a guy at least once a week, I could stop even that much. )