Hi everyone,

I have a conundrum to figure out, I have not been getting a lot of replies with my female profile I have on a dating site, after a few exchanges, i suppose their interests moved elsewhere.

What is confusing- I get a lot of messages on my female profile but no continuing exchanges, and as an experiment I activated my old male profile, hardly got any messages, but the ones I sent out kept going and going.

This just confuses me as I want to start some kind of dating-relationship-friendship thing, but identifying as my actual self just hinders my opportunities it seems,

I have been playing around with the idea of dating as a guy because I don't want to be alone for this expanse of time during my ongoing transition, but I have been reluctant because my internal voice keeps telling me, no don't do it, it is a large step backwards, that is not you anymore. And it is kind of hard to pass fifty percent of the time as a guy with my boobs, long hair, mannerisms, voice and everything.

it is rather confusing, any insight?

Are you looking for men in both cases? (Or women? Or both?) Maybe you aren't giving the right cues to give them interest to continue. Hetro people will respond to different cues to gay people.

I also presume you aren't putting you are trans into your female profile?? So presumably we're not talking about ->-bleeped-<-s?

What do you think happens within the email/message chit chat you have with these people who are responding to you as a woman?

I've been looking for either, both, I'll have to read into more about the nuances of cues, this never really initially occurred to me, now it seems obviously important. Yes I do not put I am trans on the female profile anymore, i used to, but I got too many ->-bleeped-<-s. When someone messages me, we exchange greetings, talk a little about mutual interests and I usually shared something more in depth we have in common with each-other, or might have. I suppose I have to learn all over again how to flirt as a girl, there seems to be a great deal I have just looked over in that area. Thanks for the thoughts. 

I don't know where you live , but a place like Chicago has an extensive LGBT bar scene.  face to face contact might give you a better sense of what's going on.

Hi Faye,

The one thing that has always been most important to me when it comes to dating, and especially in relationships, is to be accepted, appreciated, and ultimately loved for exactly who I am.  As far as the rest of the world (co-workers, casual friends, strangers, etc.) there are aspects of who I am that I keep to myself.  But for someone that I expect to perhaps love someday, nothing is more important than to be accepted and appreciated for exactly who I am.

No one can ever accept me for who I am if I insist on hiding who I am from them. 

To my way of thinking, if someone I'm dating is going to have a problem with the fact that I have a trans history, then I want to know early in the dating process, as early as possible.  I do not want to get attached to someone only to find out that they have an issue with my life history.  And a lot of people will have a problem with the fact that I went through gender transition no matter how long ago it was.

In my years as a woman, I have from time to time found myself utilizing online dating sights when I've been between relationships.  I have always made it a point to acknowledge the fact that I am a trans woman.  I don't make a big deal of it; I just mention the fact among all of the other points of interest about who I am and how I live.  Yup, I've had to weed through my share of unsavory ->-bleeped-<-s.  But I've also met more than a few angels, 3 of which I've had long term relationships with, and one that I've been married to for the past 7 years.

Don't be afraid to kiss a few frogs in your search for love.  But know this.  The longer that you keep your potential suitors in the dark about who you are, the longer it will take you to find out who they are.  And you want to know who you're kissing, sharing meals with, sharing a bed with.

Or so it seems to me.

You're very pretty.  Be safe out there.

thanks so much, I certainly have much to think about and decide on. You all have helped.