Pretty sure someone pulled out their phone and took a picture of me while I was out earlier. =/ Wtf is wrong with people.

Quote from: birkin on June 22, 2014, 10:51:28 PM
Pretty sure someone pulled out their phone and took a picture of me while I was out earlier. =/ Wtf is wrong with people.

That happened to me about 6 weeks ago what ever happened to privacy

Birkin & Emily,

Movie stars get the same treatment all the time!

Gorgeous people attract attention; be proud.

They took pics of people they are envious of.

My bloodwork was not sent when it should have been so I'll have to wait another two days to get my results.

The NHS refuses to give me any information about my next appointment, apparently it's not a waiting list but a pool from which the psychologist chooses who's next

Last night my wife commented that the bottle of vodka in the freezer was getting low. I bought it about two months ago. The previous one was half empty a year after I bought it and sat on the shelf until the other day when I put it back in the freezer. As you can see, I'm a VERY occasional drinker. Thing is, lately, particularly since I came out to my wife, the dysphoria get's especially bad and sometimes it's so bad I need a drink to ease it, perhaps two or so drinks in the course of a week and never more than one a night. I've been having trouble finding an endo, every lead dries up. My wife hopes the endo will tell me I'm wrong and it's something else, anything else. (What? Schizophrenia? Major Depression? Bi-polar Disorder?)

This morning she was out of sorts and cranky and I wished her a good day as she left for work, her reply was "it won't be a good day until you find an endocrinologist, and probably not then either!"

Sometimes I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence, even though I KNOW that can't work!

Sometimes I wonder if this isn't just something I made up to get away from her, even though I have NO desire to do that.

Sometimes I think death would be preferable, even though suicide is not in me.

Often I wish I was as clueless about this as I was a year ago. Depressed and anxious with no clue why is sometimes better than knowing why if it shatters your entire world.

My dad was told that I'm transgender by my mom. She says he's fine with it and I wouldn't know that because I'm still not speaking to him due to that whole BA degree/yearbook incident. According to mom, he's apparently mad at me because I'm irresponsible, don't seem to care about anything (assumptions he made all because of not caring whether my yearbook picture was there or not...) and that I didn't give my parents a card for their anniversary. It would be wrong to give them something when I really don't mean it and that it's not my anniversary.

If that didn't seem enough, my mom made really ignorant comments like "It doesn't matter if you have this gender dysphoria thing, that's no reason to treat your uncle that way." I only treat him like that because he tries to tell me what to do and makes comments about how I need to look pretty, wear dresses and all that stuff which set me off and I have no other way to express myself. In other words, she invalidates my feelings and thinks that gender dysphoria is NOTHING. Apparently, she also doesn't know about how transition affects others because she made a comment about how Chaz Bono acted when transitioning and that his partner left him because of the way he was acting, which is fine but my mother fails to understand that transitioning really puts a relationship to the test and some people can't handle it.

Quote from: Dee Walker on June 23, 2014, 08:59:54 AM
Last night my wife commented that the bottle of vodka in the freezer was getting low. I bought it about two months ago. The previous one was half empty a year after I bought it and sat on the shelf until the other day when I put it back in the freezer. As you can see, I'm a VERY occasional drinker. Thing is, lately, particularly since I came out to my wife, the dysphoria get's especially bad and sometimes it's so bad I need a drink to ease it, perhaps two or so drinks in the course of a week and never more than one a night. I've been having trouble finding an endo, every lead dries up. My wife hopes the endo will tell me I'm wrong and it's something else, anything else. (What? Schizophrenia? Major Depression? Bi-polar Disorder?)

This morning she was out of sorts and cranky and I wished her a good day as she left for work, her reply was "it won't be a good day until you find an endocrinologist, and probably not then either!"

Sometimes I wish I had just kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence, even though I KNOW that can't work!

Sometimes I wonder if this isn't just something I made up to get away from her, even though I have NO desire to do that.

Sometimes I think death would be preferable, even though suicide is not in me.

Often I wish I was as clueless about this as I was a year ago. Depressed and anxious with no clue why is sometimes better than knowing why if it shatters your entire world.

I really feel for you Dee I know exactly what your going through I was in the exact same situation 3 years ago after coming out to my wife she grew distant from me and the relationship dissolved 2 years later and I have been much happier since if you need to chat feel free to pm me HUGS xx

I was sad to realize that detransitioning will let my sister think she was right in her lone crusade to stubbornly refuse to respect my identity. That she won't make even a split second attempt to understand the pain that led to both decisions, she'll just immediately decide she was right about me all along and that I was in some weird phase, I'm just a normal gay boy.

And sad that I am probably almost as transphobic as her in the first place. If I didn't know how impossible it is to get by with this society's gender roles when you're really really different, I'd probably judge someone like me almost as much.

Well of course I would be judged. I'm such a thoroughly petty, spiteful, judgmental person myself, and the worst part is that I actually know what it feels like to care and I'm still that way anyway.

I'm so tired of myself and tired of people like my sister too. Just, bleh.

Quote from: Emily.T on June 23, 2014, 02:21:55 PM
I really feel for you Dee I know exactly what your going through I was in the exact same situation 3 years ago after coming out to my wife she grew distant from me and the relationship dissolved 2 years later and I have been much happier since if you need to chat feel free to pm me HUGS xx

Thank you.

Talk about whipsawing! I just got an email from her discussing vacation plans for the rest of the year. She seems perfectly fine now.

Is this normal female behavior? Maybe I'm not trans, maybe I'm a persimmon. I'm seriously confused. Last week she gave me a bottle of lavender bath salts this week she worries about how I'm changing?

Good thing I see my therapist tomorrow.

Finished day 1 of two long days of training for work.  I don't know why, but I hate these things.  They are so condescending by going over relatively simple things that I already do everyday.  As though we need these classes to succeed at work and learn how to do simple everyday things.  And I have to get up and leave for around 6:30 in the morning tomorrow just to make day two on time.  It's so dumb.  At least I technically have off tomorrow evening if it's going to be an annoying day, so there is that. 

Unhappy? Just my situation. Hate my job. The only two people I really talk to, which are girls of course, have ulterior motives. One is my ex trying to get back with me, another is a "friend" who wants the same thing. So if I come out to them, I'm sure they will be sooo pleased and keep it under wraps. Not! So the only two people I talk to, I can't really be honest with them either. I just lie to them like everyone else. :-(

Did not get an interview to take over an agency this month. Was not intrested in going for one before untill I was told by my my boss that I have the ability to run an agency myself. This was my first attempt so I'm not too upset but now I do want one. What is upsetting is that the latest one avaliable is in an area that is too far away for me to apply to and the rent in the area means I couldn't live there.

Seeing someone (non mod) follow me around reading my new posts...

Creepy.

Quote from: Evelyn K on June 24, 2014, 12:40:21 AM
Seeing someone (non mod) follow me around reading my new posts...

Creepy.

I'm watching Transamerica, and can't stop crying.

I missed getting to talk to Rainbow today. I miss her so much. I have so much money to save up if I am ever going to see her and the list of expenses isn't getting any shorter (my tooth is on the cusp of death, literally - probably $1K right there)...for the foreseeable future I am going to be busy 7 days a week too.

Quote from: learningtolive on June 23, 2014, 04:57:08 PM
Finished day 1 of two long days of training for work.  I don't know why, but I hate these things.  They are so condescending by going over relatively simple things that I already do everyday.  As though we need these classes to succeed at work and learn how to do simple everyday things.  And I have to get up and leave for around 6:30 in the morning tomorrow just to make day two on time.  It's so dumb.  At least I technically have off tomorrow evening if it's going to be an annoying day, so there is that.

Completed training and passed, so that is a good way to end the past few days.  However, there was something about this training that left me feeling sort of dysphoric.  I work in medical and we were discussing things like registering patients.  Part of the process is getting their demographics information like their gender or sex.  In our computer system there is an option for those who don't wish to disclose or identify with male/female.  This selection sort of made some jokes pop up around the room which made me feel uncomfortable.  No one was trying to be hurtful with it, but I wish people would think about how someone trans or gender non-conforming might feel.  Personally, the laughter didn't make me feel too comfortable.  The other thing that left me feeling a bit dysphoric is the fact that almost everyone in my field or job type are female.  Something about being around a bunch of other girls my age really highlights my own physical differences and makes me feel a little disgusted with myself for being such a freak.  I know it's weird, but I can't help but feel jealous of other women at times and being around many of them makes me feel like I stick out as "the guy".  I don't know.  It's upsetting to me.  Just felt like ranting a little.

Right before I was about to close up my shift, all the power went out in the front desk.  I couldn't get into the cash register and the credit card machine's power was off.  I tried to call my boss several times, but he never picked up and my mom was waiting outside so I just had to leave it and deal with it tomorrow.  I hope I didn't do anything to screw it up.  The boss is not going to be happy about this. 

SOOOOOO SLEEPY! i slept for 13 hours including a 3 hour nap and i still feel like sleeping for the next 100 years 

Idiots and a*holes.  So, pretty much the usual...