So, I DID come out to my parents but through a note I have them. Their reactions were ok but they were confused about what I meant by wanting to be a boy I told them that as a girl I felt like I was acting and not being my true self , and I also told them that I was uncomfortable with my biological gender. But they understood it slightly but they were still confused. My mother wanted a logical explanation to tell them why I wanted to be a boy (meaning what makes me think I am transgender)  and I am stuck for an answer. I need something that will show them what it means to be a transgender that explains why people are transgender.

One other thing is in my letter I wanted my parents to discuss changing my name on my schools list. Mostly because when school starts again I will look like a boy and I don't want people thinking  am a boy with a girl name. My mom said I could not change my name until I was 18-20 and even if I wanted to at 18 they wouldn't allow it because they gave me my name and they want me to keep it. I understand that part but I was wondering is it possible for a student to discuss the issue with the principal and have the principal tell the teachers to change the name on their list of students?

I appreciate any input and I really do need help on these issues.

I know it's a bit condescending, but the classic example is "how did you know that you were a girl?" Most cispeople haven't struggled with their identity not fitting their social experience, but they know full well what gender they are nonetheless.

I don't understand why your parents would be against a name change. If it matters, you need it, and if it's just a whim, you'll get bored with it and go back to your original name. There's no danger in letting you decide what to call yourself.

You can certainly try to talk to the principal about your name. Whatever success you get will have a lot more to do with local cultural attitudes than with any rules or laws.

I'm glad you're out to them - good for you!

See, that's where a therapist can help you; they can help you define why you feel male, and what it means to you. For me, I always hated dresses and pink and girly things. I ran with the boys, rode bikes, climbed trees, ran around shirtless just like the boys, played boy games. Later in life, I turned into a computer geek, into Star Wars, Star Trek, physical work like carpentry and yard work, and I'd much rather talk to other men than women. I have more in common with men. Physically, I've always hated having breasts and not being built like a guy. I so so SO much prefer dressing as a man!

You can legally change your name when you turn 18. Your parents will have no say in the matter. However, you can let that slide for now and just ask them to call you Jake, and to ask that it be your use name for school. I've always used a shortened version of my name or my initials instead of my legal name. If you can get your friends to call you Jake, and tell your teachers (and counselor and principal) on day one that's your preferred name, it would be a fine start. All your paperwork can still be in your legal name. Maybe in 6 months or a year your parents will realize you're really serious about this and help you get the name change through the court, so your diploma will have your preferred name on it.

Again, it would really help you to see a therapist, get an official Gender Dysphoria diagnosis, and bring your parents to a session. They might get a better grasp of it from a qualified professional.

-Jay

Quote from: JayDawg on June 24, 2014, 09:36:41 PM
I'm glad you're out to them - good for you!

See, that's where a therapist can help you; they can help you define why you feel male, and what it means to you. For me, I always hated dresses and pink and girly things. I ran with the boys, rode bikes, climbed trees, ran around shirtless just like the boys, played boy games. Later in life, I turned into a computer geek, into Star Wars, Star Trek, physical work like carpentry and yard work, and I'd much rather talk to other men than women. I have more in common with men. Physically, I've always hated having breasts and not being built like a guy. I so so SO much prefer dressing as a man!

You can legally change your name when you turn 18. Your parents will have no say in the matter. However, you can let that slide for now and just ask them to call you Jake, and to ask that it be your use name for school. I've always used a shortened version of my name or my initials instead of my legal name. If you can get your friends to call you Jake, and tell your teachers (and counselor and principal) on day one that's your preferred name, it would be a fine start. All your paperwork can still be in your legal name. Maybe in 6 months or a year your parents will realize you're really serious about this and help you get the name change through the court, so your diploma will have your preferred name on it.

Again, it would really help you to see a therapist, get an official Gender Dysphoria diagnosis, and bring your parents to a session. They might get a better grasp of it from a qualified professional.

-Jay

Thanks so much Jay!! I'm sure that will work out well at least I hope it does!
All the answers were great thanks for answering <3

Remember that you've had years (I'm assuming) to come to terms with being transgender.  This is brand new for your parents, so give them some time.  They probably are hoping it's a phase, but they'll probably come around when they see that it's not. 

They will also need some time to learn about being transgender.  You may not realize it, but I guarantee they're already doing research and trying to figure out how to help you.

That being said, Jay had some good advice.  Come out to your friends, and have them call you Jake.  And meet with your guidance counselor asap and come out to them.  Schools often have policies in place for how to support transgender teens.

Although I have to say it's pretty unrealistic of your parents to think that you'll stick with the name Jessica after transition just because it's your given name.