Quote from: cruise4burgers on June 27, 2014, 09:21:50 PM
Wasn't trying to insult you, I get that the body is the problem, just suggesting there are different tools to cope and that not all psychopharmacology is the same. (I.e they're not all just zombie makers).

There is no coping. There is fixing the body. And if that fails more and I run out of autologous tissue to use (2 lats. Used. 2 thighs not used yet. 2 forearms not used yet. 2 calves not used yet) then there is an existence of misery or suicide. Granted, my existence is misery right now. And no meds are going to help. Doesn't matter if they are zombie makers or not but my quality of life is utter sht right now and always will be until I get that fixed. Every moment it's present in my mind.

Quote from: RoxanneN on June 27, 2014, 09:39:46 PM
There is fixing the body. 

Every moment it's present in my mind.

Thing is, we can't really separate the two.  You are experiencing the anguish over your body as mental pain, so it would make some sense to address it on that level, at least until you get the physical changes you want.

This doesn't have to be by medication or therapy either, and in some ways these will just reinforce your focus on the problem.  Maybe something which diverts your attention elsewhere would be more helpful; for example some form of meditation could bring a level of detachment and peace, or working to help others in some way.

Apologies if you've already tried these things.

Quote from: Chula on June 28, 2014, 06:45:58 AM
Thing is, we can't really separate the two.  You are experiencing the anguish over your body as mental pain, so it would make some sense to address it on that level, at least until you get the physical changes you want.

This doesn't have to be by medication or therapy either, and in some ways these will just reinforce your focus on the problem.  Maybe something which diverts your attention elsewhere would be more helpful; for example some form of meditation could bring a level of detachment and peace, or working to help others in some way.

Apologies if you've already tried these things.

Distractions help some. I have some hobbies. But I've found that these lead to a sense of "boiling over". Ie they work for awhile then I completely melt down with depression.

Well I'm *supposed* to hear something this week. I still feel like hell though and I know I won't hear anything and I'll have to bug them again. Only to be told Miro is out of town again or some other such nonsense. Really getting to the end.

I probably sound like a spoiled kid who can't wait to see her presents before Christmas. But every day is agony. Every time I go pee I think about this - and of course that's not the only time. Really do wish I just had the guts to end it. I'll admit I'm a successful person (career and education wise... and been with the same woman for 10 years) but I'd trade it all to have a penis again. The only maybe not is my wife and my pets and maybe some other body parts. I'd trade a foot or a finger for sure. Maybe even a leg. All my achievements mean nothing. I wonder if Dignitas would help me.