My boyfriend(ish. We both haven't moved to that step yet (but I want to) because we each think ourselves as unworthy) thinks he's too old for me and a bunch of other lame excuses that are obviously ruining his self esteem. I want to help (and hook up) but I don't know what to do because my self esteem isn't great either.

Quote from: Lauren5 on June 24, 2014, 10:49:36 PM
My boyfriend(ish. We both haven't moved to that step yet (but I want to) because we each think ourselves as unworthy) thinks he's too old for me and a bunch of other lame excuses that are obviously ruining his self esteem. I want to help (and hook up) but I don't know what to do because my self esteem isn't great either.

I didn't know guys struggled with this :O if it helps, tell him it's really normal to date younger girls maybe?

Quote from: sad panda on June 25, 2014, 12:07:45 AMI didn't know guys struggled with this :O if it helps, tell him it's really normal to date younger girls maybe?

This is why he's special. He's not in it for just sex. Although I feel that may make him feel better about himself, along with myself. Sex with a man is something I see as a need to validate my femininity, along with other things, some unattainable, like carrying a child.
I think it reaches deeper than that. Perhaps he feels at his age he's failed with relationships and truly thinks he is incapable of being loved. I wish he'd open up more to me.
I know he had body image issues, and took to weightlifting to amend that. Which made me even more attracted to him.
Overall I'm just confused on what to do next. He says move on, find a nice boy who wants to spend his life with me, and to not worry about him. But I have found the man I want to spend my life with. Everyone has flaws, his aren't so bad as to make him less than perfect in my eyes.

The law committee of Finland's parliament voted down the bill about equal marriage again.

Feeling depressed. Is it the boy thing? I don't know. It's affected me, but why hit now when I Kew about it yesterday? I've been sluggish and distracted at work (not to mention overwhelmed and scared, the 128 boxes from the latest order (plus others) looming behind me, and could come crashing down on each at any minute) and overall just not doing well.

EDIT: I remember now. Forgot to take my estrace and spiro this morning.

While at work today, one of my boss' was talking about inviting me and some other girls for a girls night out at a place that's way out of my price range. I didn't catch the full convo so when I later turned the invite down, she told me my other boss who was saying that, was only joking, so, in short, while the invite made me happy, to later find out it was a joke, hurt me and made me depressed, just thinking about it now is doing the same thing..

I've never had a girl's night out, or even a girl's day out for that matter. My sister got to attend those, even got to go to a baby shower, but me? Nope, not even once, which always hurt me and still hurts me to this day...

My grandparents are coming over today. I love my grandma to pieces but my grandpa's really difficult and I'm honestly not in the mood after a long day. I feel bad because just yesterday I was telling myself to not say ungrateful crap, and how ungrateful is it to be like "omg my grandparents are alive and live close by and are coming to see us" but honestly he is mentally unstable.

Had to spend a lot of $$ on a truck worth half as much, but it runs well, and it's either for me, and the wife gets the new car, or for her, in which, I get the new car.  It will always be her choice.  'course, she could always keep driving the War Wagon..  247k miles, looks like something found at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but it's got cold AC.. oh, fergot, another $860/yr for insurance and plates.  =(

It's my mother's birthday and she complained about the note I wrote in her birthday card, which primarily talking about my appreciation for somewhat accepting me as FTM.
She proceeded to call me selfish and that this was the only time I wrote that much in a greeting card because it benefited myself. Never satisfied, I guess?

pulled one/some of my lower back muscles.  Ow. 

The fact that terms such as cis-sexism and me shouting "Die Cis Scum" more and more as time passes can't be a good signal. Being out in Internet is even worse than being out in real life

got grease on my shirt

OK, this is kind of funny but GRRRRR!

I called three times to get an appliance fixed.  Got put on hold indefinitely twice, I gave up, waited, called again, got through, got passed around, put on hold some more, then had my call dropped.  Almost one hour wasted.  Then I drove to the dealer I bought it from, and after waiting for ages, they told me I just had to call that same number again.   

After telling my wife of my epic fail adventure, she called them and got right through to order the part. 

Mom got angry at me today. When she's angry, she starts saying things like I don't do anything around the house, I'm selfish and that I don't help her out when I know full well that I do. Then she proceeds to nitpick every flaw in my room, such as the organization of my shoes under the bed, makes it worse and tells me to fix it. Makes me feel like crap.

Me and my dad are still not talking, which is fine.

going back to school monday.. only online classes, but then in person classes in sept, honestly I'm terrified, I feel like an alien around people and I'm so uncomfortable talking about myself because I think everything I say is wrong, but I'm really uncomfortable with being awkward and silent, or seeming weird and not friendly.

And now while I was writing this my boyfriend was joking around with me a lot, but it was actually stressing me out, because I'm not good with people doing that, I'm afraid there's real feelings of being hurt under the jokes, or people saying things to get a certain reply out of me, and I was a little claustrophobic too, and my attention was divided, and I could feel the stress growing inside my body, and then he touched my hand and I just flipped out and screamed at him not to touch me. He left and now I feel dizzy and out of it. I'm so broken.

Realizing that some people have life goals other than "cut down on sudden/loud noises and getting hit." I'm sure I'll think about more normal stuff eventually, but it's frustrating to notice how desperately I seek mundanity.

Radiohead makes it okay, right? Not horrifying knowledge at all.

Quote from: Paula Christine on June 26, 2014, 07:07:39 PM
Had to spend a lot of $$ on a truck worth half as much, but it runs well, and it's either for me, and the wife gets the new car, or for her, in which, I get the new car.  It will always be her choice.  'course, she could always keep driving the War Wagon..  247k miles, looks like something found at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but it's got cold AC.. oh, fergot, another $860/yr for insurance and plates.  =(

Just about have my car paid off and am just waiting for some uninsured motorist to run a light and wishbone me. I increased my uninsured motorist coverages because there are so many who drive without insurance in spite of the law.

Hurting other people without intending to have that effect.   

Realizing I am part of the problem, not solution no matter how hard I try.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on June 28, 2014, 03:31:54 PM
Realizing I am part of the problem, not solution no matter how hard I try.

*hugs* I haven't seen you be a part of any problem, Jessica.

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I'm unhappy because one of my fillings failed and the tooth rotted down almost to the nerve. We managed to get away with refilling it, but there's a chance that the tooth could die when this filling gives up the ghost. I also paid $250. -_-