I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else....buuuuut....
I've realized I don't have many guy friends at all. Probably one.
I had a lot in high school, which I don't know what happened...
Then I got to thinking I almost can't stand men now. Wtf??? I'm thinking I am FTM, and I think of how I haven't had a good guy
friend in over 5 years possibly because I don't like them on any level. Has anyone else felt this way ?! I'm not sure if I have hated the way they have recently treated me or what, I use to be really cool with a lot of guys. When I turned about 18 is when they stopped hanging out.

That's a difficult call to make because we don't know your history, etc.  Relationships can change - especially from childhood to adulthood as interests change and people grow apart.

That being said, there can be a lot of reasons why you don't "like" guys - there could be a subconscious resentment of their cisgendered masculinity, etc. or it could just be that you don't like certain things about the way that many cismen behave or are expected to behave within Western society.

I could psychologise this all you like, but at the end of the day - you're the only one who can change the situation (if you even WANT to,that is).  Many FTMs find themselves struggling to make male friends after beginning transitioning - awkwardness, not being certain what you're expected to do/say or how you're expected to behave as a male within society can have a part to play in this.  Still, some just prefer the company of women as that is what they grew up with and women can sometimes seem less threatening.

My personal feelings on the issue:  I had more guy friends than girl friends as a kid.  When puberty hit, that was the end of it - they wanted to pursue sex, etc. and didn't want to hang out with the "tomboy".  I, on the other hand, just withdrew socially and my only friends were my female relatives (didn't have a father in my life very much, and my grandfather was the only male role model I had). 

To this day, I prefer the company of older women (mid-40's to 70's, etc.) because that's who I feel the most comfortable around.  I have male friends, but I don't prefer their company.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on June 25, 2014, 08:10:28 PM
That's a difficult call to make because we don't know your history, etc.  Relationships can change - especially from childhood to adulthood as interests change and people grow apart.

That being said, there can be a lot of reasons why you don't "like" guys - there could be a subconscious resentment of their cisgendered masculinity, etc. or it could just be that you don't like certain things about the way that many cismen behave or are expected to behave within Western society.

I could psychologise this all you like, but at the end of the day - you're the only one who can change the situation (if you even WANT to,that is).  Many FTMs find themselves struggling to make male friends after beginning transitioning - awkwardness, not being certain what you're expected to do/say or how you're expected to behave as a male within society can have a part to play in this.  Still, some just prefer the company of women as that is what they grew up with and women can sometimes seem less threatening.

My personal feelings on the issue:  I had more guy friends than girl friends as a kid.  When puberty hit, that was the end of it - they wanted to pursue sex, etc. and didn't want to hang out with the "tomboy".  I, on the other hand, just withdrew socially and my only friends were my female relatives (didn't have a father in my life very much, and my grandfather was the only male role model I had). 

To this day, I prefer the company of older women (mid-40's to 70's, etc.) because that's who I feel the most comfortable around.  I have male friends, but I don't prefer their company.

Very interesting. I too, prefer women as company as well. I think it has some to do with subconsciously wanting to be male, and some of my past with men. It's just confusing, haha. I just wanted to see who had similar views.

Most of my friends are gals (and trans guys). I did have one cis guy buddy but that's it. I am not making a lot of friends with cis guys now, just not really having any place I might meet them. I think it is more likely to happen. I don't have any difficulty interacting with at least kind of nerdy males.

--Jay

There are too many factors involved for any of us to give you a sure answer about this.

I mostly spend time with men, but I get along better with women. Men are more comfortable with me right off the bat than women are, but beyond that initial social interface I struggle with behaving like a normal man. The jocular humor many guys are used to is too caustic for me, and I'm not willing to be as competitive or as aggressive as a lot of men are. I'm more of a friendly, listening type than is typical for a man. I have more male friends ratio-wise than I did as a female, but my social circle is smaller than it was pre-transition. There are a lot of unspoken obstacles that I don't know how to deal with, and I have fears about violence. Even if I know most men don't want to fight me, it's easier to be sure that most women don't want to. I've been beaten up way too many times, and it was almost always boys who did the beating. When it was girls, it was girls who were not gender-normative.

All that said, I don't have a lot of close friends. I mostly practice socializing through small talk at the post office or the grocery store, and there are people I care about online. Most of my online friends don't know me well. Transition is part of the reason for that distance, but also I'm pretty twitchy and overwhelmed and I don't have a lot of free time for friendship. I mostly talk on this forum late at night because that's when I can be alone and speak freely.

My favorite people to be around are men aged 35-50, followed closely by women from that age group. Cis or trans usually doesn't matter, but it is sometimes a relief to be around people who are at least familiar with trans people so I don't have to navigate that minefield. I'm not good at enjoying the company of young people. I have been tired for a long time, and I don't keep up with current pop culture, so talking to a young person is often like trying to speak in a second language that I barely study and that changes constantly.

Up until I transitioned, I mostly socialised with females IRL, but whenever I talked to people online it was mostly guys because I used to hang around on gaming forums etc...
At the moment, I don't actually have many friends. Most of them are online friends, and they're all transguys bar one cisguy (who is my ex). All my pen pals are cisguys.
I've been thinking about this and wondering why the heck I'm not talking to more females but I don't really have an answer. Just seems to happen that way...

You may well get over your antagonism towards guys at some point: I went through a period, early transition, where I felt pretty resentful towards cisguys and avoided them socially. That was when I was feeling less confident about my own identity and suspected every guy of being a hyper-masculine *bleep* who would reject me for being more gender fluid. Now that I'm more settled in my own identity, I don't have any problems socialising with guys, though in group situations I feel a bit alienated cos there's more macho backslapping going on.

Anyway, I don't think you really need to worry about it too much unless you really want some male friends. There are plenty of guys out there who feel more comfortable around women.

I also prefer women usually.  I have a few male friends, but I like them because they are not macho, secure in themselves, emotionally open, and easygoing.

I don't think this is a problem.  Be friends with people who complement your personality and mutually benefit from your friendship.  If they happen to be male, cool.  If they happen to be female, also cool.  It's sad that we have to feel like we meet quotas for male and female friends.

Quote from: Bearr on June 25, 2014, 07:50:20 PM
I'm not sure if I have hated the way they have recently treated me or what, I use to be really cool with a lot of guys. When I turned about 18 is when they stopped hanging out.

Also, it seems like as you grow into being an adult, you outgrow certain people, especially when that goal switches from survive high school to do what you truly want to be doing with your life.  It sounds like you and your old male friends have a different trajectory in life, and that's OK.  I'm just guessing, but this is a normal time in your life to be going through changes in your social circle.

I have more friends that are girls then guys, but I think thats cause in high school and pretty much college, I tried to be a cis female, I have guy friends too, just more girls, I don't see it as a bad thing, I have cis male friends who have more friends that are girls then guys too

Before acknowledging that I was transgender, I mostly hanged around guys and predominantly had guys for friends. I'm not sure why that happened but I think it has something to do with wanting to take action more than talk and the stuff girls talk about seem so inane to me. Talking about boys, make-up and dolls didn't sound as interesting as sports, cars and talking about videogames. This still occurs today where I would rather talk to people about meaningful things rather than simple small talk. Even when I had my first job as a receptionist at a counseling center recently, I didn't really speak as much as the other girls because I was not into the gossip scene too much and would listen more than talk about the patients, which clearly violate the patient-therapist confidentiality. While I do have one or two close girl friends, I mostly resonated with guys more because I got to play around with them and compete in videogames with.

Wow. Very interesting.

Quote from: Felix on June 25, 2014, 11:52:51 PM
There are too many factors involved for any of us to give you a sure answer about this.

I mostly spend time with men, but I get along better with women. Men are more comfortable with me right off the bat than women are, but beyond that initial social interface I struggle with behaving like a normal man. The jocular humor many guys are used to is too caustic for me, and I'm not willing to be as competitive or as aggressive as a lot of men are. I'm more of a friendly, listening type than is typical for a man. I have more male friends ratio-wise than I did as a female, but my social circle is smaller than it was pre-transition. There are a lot of unspoken obstacles that I don't know how to deal with, and I have fears about violence. Even if I know most men don't want to fight me, it's easier to be sure that most women don't want to. I've been beaten up way too many times, and it was almost always boys who did the beating. When it was girls, it was girls who were not gender-normative.

I feel like I have the the same humor of some men, it's just the aggression that I don't think I will ever have (and that's not a bad thing) I too, fear the violence part. I kind of worry that I will look the wrong way at some cis guy and get beat up. :/

Quote from: krogan on June 26, 2014, 04:55:56 AM

You may well get over your antagonism towards guys at some point: I went through a period, early transition, where I felt pretty resentful towards cisguys and avoided them socially. That was when I was feeling less confident about my own identity and suspected every guy of being a hyper-masculine *bleep* who would reject me for being more gender fluid. Now that I'm more settled in my own identity, I don't have any problems socialising with guys, though in group situations I feel a bit alienated cos there's more macho backslapping going on.

I'm thinking that's what part of my problem is. I'm early into my transition, so I am sure some of my bitter feelings are because I'm not biologically a male.

Quote from: Blue Senpai on June 26, 2014, 11:05:25 AM
Before acknowledging that I was transgender, I mostly hanged around guys and predominantly had guys for friends. I'm not sure why that happened but I think it has something to do with wanting to take action more than talk and the stuff girls talk about seem so inane to me. Talking about boys, make-up and dolls didn't sound as interesting as sports, cars and talking about videogames. This still occurs today where I would rather talk to people about meaningful things rather than simple small talk. Even when I had my first job as a receptionist at a counseling center recently, I didn't really speak as much as the other girls because I was not into the gossip scene too much and would listen more than talk about the patients, which clearly violate the patient-therapist confidentiality. While I do have one or two close girl friends, I mostly resonated with guys more because I got to play around with them and compete in videogames with.

Ha Ha. Exactly. I never fitted in with women's talk on hair, clothes and boys. It was like I was living in a different world. Basically saying to myself "Is this really the life I'm suppose to live...?"

throughout my life most of my friends have been girls.  Girls or gay guys.  I honestly have only two close straight male friends since elementary school.  Counting elementary school maybe add another 2.  I can't explain why. 

Maybe its hard to be around people you're naturally kind of jealous of.  Sitting back and watching while they get to have the life you wish you had?  Even if their life is far from perfect.  I guess because of that I just don't find I have much patience for normal straight dudes. 

I've been friends with a guys and girls pretty much equally.
My oddness is, it's usually people who are older or younger than me, I don't get along so well with people my own age.

most of my friends are female as well. i think part of it is that i was socialized as female, so i relate to girls better. idk i've just always gotten along with girls best.
i also am generally very uncomfortable around cishet men. idk why

Quote from: GnomeKid on June 27, 2014, 07:56:22 PM

Maybe its hard to be around people you're naturally kind of jealous of.  Sitting back and watching while they get to have the life you wish you had?  Even if their life is far from perfect.  I guess because of that I just don't find I have much patience for normal straight dudes.

I'm thinking some is envy. It's self consciousness on my end of thinking I'll never match up to them. Eh.

Quote from: ryanjoseph on June 28, 2014, 12:44:35 AM
most of my friends are female as well. i think part of it is that i was socialized as female, so i relate to girls better. idk i've just always gotten along with girls best.
i also am generally very uncomfortable around cishet men. idk why

I get annoyed easy with cis men. They will be talking and sounding like an idiot to a girl or just in general and I can't stand it. Lol

Yeah, there is no clear answer here or even a right or a wrong one. You stick with the people you feel the most comfortable with, period. With that said, I have never really had many guy friends IRL though because of my interests, I have several online and it's always been that way. Always one or a few very good girl friends IRL and then a lot of good guy friends online. I always desired to be a part of the guy gang though, because it felt so much more natural and made sense to me the way the hierarchy worked, as opposed to the gal gangs. I don't like macho gangs however, but guy humor, guy stuff etc, it just clicks mentally in a way gal stuff doesn't.

With that said, I think I need to overcome my almost lifelong depression first before I can start thinking about making meaningful process socially, which has always been a sore spot for me ever since I was a child and I have always been very socially isolated IRL. Things may look very different for me 6 months from now, so I won't really make any preliminary judgements because I frankly do not know how life will look like once I am free of my depression.

Also @bearr some cisguys are just natural dicks (no pun intended). No one wants to be around a dick. I pick my male friends carefully in that they should be people I can value more than them being dick-like.

Sorry I'm not exactly FtM but.... yeah.... I have never managed to have any cis guy friends either. I don't know what it is... something about them just scares me, very much of the time, I always become kinda submissive and afraid, especially while presenting as a boy and not having flirting as a defense. Makes me feel very alien even though I try to call myself cis now...

I have affection for cishet guys and can tolerate them from afar I just don't feel like I get them. And sometimes I feel like they think and worry about the goofiest things.

I've noticed the same thing with myself lately. I had one cis guy best friend for a long while but we went our separate ways after finding out some pretty shocking realizations about him. And the other guys that I went to high school with are cool but its pretty hard to get our schedules to match up all the time so we can hangout. My closest cis guy friend is my brother and he's the best guy I know so it works for me.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I have a couple guy friends, we don't hang out very often and we communicate fine, we get eachothers humor but majority of my friends are girls.

and they aren't sterotypical girls, they're kinda tomboyish. my closest girlfriend is kinda genderfluid and all my other girl friends would much rather spend money on video games and black T shirts than buy dresses or make up.

and honestly the more women i meet the more i feel like the "stereotypical girl" doesn't exist, or maybe i just attract the nerdy crowd.

when I talk to women I do feel like there's something fundamentally missing (the expectation that I'm going to fully understand a lot of things because I'm female-assigned, I guess, isn't being fulfilled or something. idk.), but when I talk to men I feel like I just plain don't belong.

But I don't really find that abnormal. The topics men are expected to discuss are boring as hell and there's a conspicuous lack of food involved in my experience. >_>