Yeah, I'm really sorry but I haven't posted here in a long time. I've been meaning to make a post like this for a long time, mostly because of a lot of family turmoil and emotional problems, but also because it hasn't been letting me post on here. In fact, this is the third time I'm re-typing this because whenever i try and post anything it says i get the captcha wrong >.< . but i digress.

Anyways, in the last thread i posted a couple weeks ago I told about my coming out as a MtF transgender to my parents (although i left out my mom, and you'll see why later on). They had a slow but very terrible reaction, saying that I couldn't do a thing about anything until i turned 18. All i wanted to do was start dressing femininely, but my dad was still strongly opposed to everything. literally. My mom even went so far as to tell me to not cross my legs when I sat down. A lot more detail lays in that thread.

So the day after I came out, I was still trying to convince my dad to let me buy girl clothes or talk to a counselor. My mom was there, and she listened in, eventually going off, saying that i was "confused" and yelling at me that as long as i was under her roof i couldn't do anything. I had previously thought she was neutral on the subject, as my dad didn't really talk to my mom about any of it. But that did spark a huge family argument that lasted for the rest of that night.

So after that, as I had been planning for the week, I went out to the mall with one of my girl friends and bought some feminine clothes, not expecting my parents to have any qualms about it sine i bought it myself. But i was terribly wrong; after yelling at me more and saying some unnecessary insults, they proceeded to take away all of my privileges until I gave all of the clothes back. I knew it was unfair, but i succumbed shortly after for many different reasons.

But yeah, in short, all of this has caused a relapse in my depression and a lot of emotional pain. it's getting to the point where im feeling suicidal, and im losing hope that this will all work out. i know this post seems very rushed, but i am still very pressed for time. i'll add more later, but for now you can ask any questions you want in response.

Not good .  Sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now.

Important stuff first: if you're seriously thinking about suicide, you need to tell someone.  Your parents would rather have you alive than dead - as would your family and friends and even us.  Many of us think about suicide sometimes, but if you're starting to plan it or take steps beyond merely thinking about it in broad, general terms, please please please seek out a trusted adult at school or elsewhere who you can talk to.

Now the other stuff...

How long until you're eighteen?  I ask because from what you've written, there might be a little silver lining.  Your parents have told you that you can't do anything until then, which implies that once you're eighteen they'll be more open to the idea of change?

As far as the rest of it goes, if dressing as female makes you feel better, then could you keep an outfit or two hidden somewhere secret?  At a friend's house?  Wear female underclothes?

And therapy?  Your parents know about your condition, so could you approach them and see if they'd be open to the idea of you talking to someone about it?  In my experience, this might alleviate some of your negative emotions about how trapped you feel, and it'll give you a running start on hormones and other medical transition steps once you're old enough to obtain them independently.

But it's got to be hard right now, and we do understand.  Don't keep it inside and eating away at you.  There's plenty of helping hands here who are happy to assist in any way they can.