Some trans people seem to somehow adapt to their environment, seemingly becoming grounded in their assigned birth gender for the rest of their lives. This of course might initially be brought on by religious or family pressure, a commitment to self-sacrifice, embarrassment, etc. However, over the long term they, for whatever reason, do come to accept their trans condition as immutable, and they somehow learn to adapt and live their lives without stressing over it. For these people, what are the real hidden costs?

Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but I tried that for twenty years and I just went further and further down the plug hole of despair. Just yesterday I was thinking about where I'd be now if a certain life event hadn't kicked me out of my denial and self imposed belief that "I was born with a dick, so I just have to live my life as a dude, like it or lump it"...and I think I would have been a horrible place even further down the plug hole.

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 05, 2014, 06:55:55 PM
... denial and self imposed belief that "I was born with a dick, so I just have to live my life as a dude, like it or lump it"...

I'm afraid a lot people have ended up going down that road, some longer than others.

for me it came to the fork in the road , either jump off a build or stay alive there  was no alternative.

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 07:04:08 PM
I'm afraid a lot people have ended up going down that road, some longer than others.

I guess if they don't feel too miserable then it's all cool. For me, without realising it, it was crushing my soul.

It generally isn't healthy since you're repressing your own desire to be the gender you really are deep down just for the sake of satisfying society. At least that's how I looked at it when I initially denied my feelings since there was no name for it when I was younger and I believed that everyone would freak if I even questioned it so I did nothing about it until I lost my job and got rejected to graduate school. Only now am I accepting myself and trying to correct the problem before it reaches the "do or die" stage.

It depends. For most, I'd say no. And of those are varying tolerance and dysphoria levels. One person may be able to function well as their assigned sex and someone else not at all.

Some might be able to handle it. I mean, trans people have been coping with it since the beginning of time. Trans women had a means of hormone modification (castration), but not so for trans men. Healthy? I don't know. What's healthy? Being comfortable and happy in your own skin?

Some people are better at dealing with (is issues the right word?) than others, but whether it's healthy or not is hard to say depending on the impact it has on your life. Some people just also have an excellent poker face and manage to cover up a pretty crushing internal struggle.

I'm 22 now and said for a long time I wouldn't do pursue anything in regards to transitioning, but as my presence here probably indicates it's not going to plan. Having said that, I notice that there seems to be a point at which some sort of mental defense mechanism sets in and you just feel "whatever" to everything - like some sort of emotional block and you go on with life in an almost autopilot kind of way. The first couple of times I reached this I thought my feelings were a phase that I grew out of and I was "normal" again, but really I just tried to slot myself into a walking stereotype with no unique characteristics or anything that ultimately make me an individual.

That for me largely seems to encompass what living as my assigned gender is - "do this, because that's what men do". The fears associated with transitioning (will I pass? will I be accepted? will I be laughed at?) are avoided by just "getting on with it" but the cost is my overall mental happiness - I feel like more of a "character" than a person, generally awkward and out of place anywhere other than when I'm alone. If anyone has ever found a way to truly overcome the mental turmoil and conflict I wish they'd share it. It seems the best you can do is outrun it for a little while.

like erem said ..it depends on the person and the impact of dysphoria on their lifes to get to the point of saying "its either that i give up on the world
"
obviously it would be harder on people with strong and consistant dysphoria [at least how i see it] then people who barely feel it

All I can say is pre transition:
Blood pressure 180/112
Pulse 118
Blood sugar >400
Depression, anxiety, irritability, explosive temper and isolation

After 10 months of transition and HRT:
Blood pressure 118/76
Pulse <86
Blood sugar <140
Happy, outgoing, calm, rational and well adjusted

I believe some lives are shortened by not transitioning. 

I had something similar. As I delayed my transition so that I could secure myself both financially and non-financially various problems piled up: epilepsy, digestion issues, shaky hands, blood circulatory problems, failing kidney, random breakdowns... Then of course typical depressions, isolation, anxiety, despair, psychological breakdowns that grew more intense.

My medical record was practically thrown from the window when I started my transition because 90% was classified as of psychosomatic/psychogenic origins. And I can confirm that as I do feel much healthier and none of the scratched problems appear anymore. I received a nearly perfect health record with the exception of my eye-sight issues (and related) as that would be a huge surprise if those suddenly fixed themselves :-D .

Blood pressure before transition: 90/60 but also as low as 60/30 (yes, I was alive but I collapsed shortly after it was measured :-) )
Current blood pressure: 110/80

Psychologist who confirmed my female gender identity even told me about a case when transition fixed diabetes. And I'm sure he has quite a list of other such things.

I have a couple of things to say on this issue.

First, I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Gender is not a choice, but transition IS a choice!  Each individual can choose how to live their lives, and are free to decide whether or not to transition regardless of their missmatch between their biology and gender identity.

For some of us the choice to transition would be catastrophic to our lives.  While it is true that choosing to live our lives based on our biology rather than our gender identity can cause significant discomfort, the complete destruction of a comfortable life that has taken decades to make, and one where other people are also dependent on us, would cause much much more discomfort than not transitioning.

Also, you need to be extremely careful when comparing quantitative things like blood pressure before and after transition since the primary anti-androgen (spiro) is basically blood pressure medication. 

Just my $0.02

J.

Quote from: SciNerdGirl on July 06, 2014, 04:24:16 AM
Gender is not a choice, but transition IS a choice! 

I do not appreciate this judgment leveled at this community. Do you honestly think we would transition if there was any other way around it? Transition is not a choice to the majority of our members here.

Each individual can choose how to live their lives, and are free to decide whether or not to transition regardless of their missmatch between their biology and gender identity.

Obviously your Dysphoria is mild and I am very happy for you on that. Not everyone has the luxury of not transitioning though. Please do not judge those that do.

For some of us the choice to transition would be catastrophic to our lives.

It is catastrophic to all our lives in some way, shape or form.

While it is true that choosing to live our lives based on our biology rather than our gender identity can cause significant discomfort, the complete destruction of a comfortable life that has taken decades to make, and one where other people are also dependent on us, would cause much much more discomfort than not transitioning.


Personal opinion noted. Please remember this is a SUPPORT site, not one where transitioners come to be made to feel guilty about transitioning due to personal discomfort levels allowing no other choice, but transition.

Also, you need to be extremely careful when comparing quantitative things like blood pressure before and after transition since the primary anti-androgen (spiro) is basically blood pressure medication.

I am a retired professional career Paramedic and merely listed my vitals both pre and post HRT. No claims were made other than general posting. Members here take it for information and comparison

All;
This is an interesting question. Since starting back on E - 14 months ago;
1. My blood pressure has dramatically improved. A doctor recently told me I had the blood pressure of a young 20 year old woman 120/80. Not bad for someone 62 (this doctor was doing my blood pressure for a fitness  insurance assessment - so not my TG Specialist!
2. My diabetes issues have gone - I was borderline
3. My arthritis in my knees is dramatically alleviated (a lot less pain)

but
Ouch - my nipples and aureloea itch and itch and ache and ache!!

Well said Jessica!

I think it would be rare, but possible. It would take a superhero though.

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 06:46:17 PM
This of course might initially be brought on by religious

The stories I've heard of this usually involve people ending up rallying hard against their nature via discrimination activism. All the better to embrace that transition is the path God put before you and so God is for transition, not against.

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 06:46:17 PM
Family pressure

Great way to come to resent your family. I feel for people in this position, especially those who are financially dependent on them and trapped in their assigned gender because of them. Hard to see how this one ends well.

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 06:46:17 PM
a commitment to self-sacrifice

That's just an unhealthy approach to life. Why should you always have to sacrifice things you want so others can have what they want? When, under this mentality, does the holder of this belief get to do what they need to be happy?

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 06:46:17 PM
embarrassment

No reason to be embarrassed about being trans. But when it is the reason you get risk of self loathing which can turn the thinker nasty.

It's better to be you.

Quote from: Suziack on July 05, 2014, 06:46:17 PM
Some trans people seem to somehow adapt to their environment, seemingly becoming grounded in their assigned birth gender for the rest of their lives. This of course might initially be brought on by religious or family pressure, a commitment to self-sacrifice, embarrassment, etc. However, over the long term they, for whatever reason, do come to accept their trans condition as immutable, and they somehow learn to adapt and live their lives without stressing over it. For these people, what are the real hidden costs?

Constant simmering anger, resentment, and pain.... well hidden of course....

I pretended and accepted the male role for 4 decades.. you know in the name of kids, marriage, and profession... after so many years I reached a point where the transition was not only imperative but a matter of life and death...

In my opinion there is no such a thing as a "happy acceptance of our GID status" just denial and pretension and acting... you can run but not hide... resistant is futile

Honest to god I could give a crap less about gender. I am me as mixed up and confusing as I am to people. Yes I do have dysphoria to an extent but can beat it back for the most part. Someone calls me Sir that is fine, someone calls me Ma'am I am fine. But we all have different levels on the spectrum that we are comfortable with, luckily I found mine. Some that force themselves to try to be the gender they were born with, the key word being force, I don't think is very healthy. Jessica gave and extremely good example even though Spiro may be used as blood pressure meds it's not Psycho meds or antidepressants other than the relief of the dysphoria and moving in the right direction for her.

Peky makes another good point, you can't run or hide from GID and we may fool ourselves. I think I may have found a happy medium but it is dynamic and tommorrow I may set up an appointment with my shrink to take it a little further. Again peky made a good point, simmereing anger resentment and pain. I have experienced all of them. But once I told someone, the shrink, that kind of went away but again tommorow is another day.

As for the vitals, all of mine are normal and on the healthy side, right now. Depression and anxiety is more or less under control even from a high strung fast living person.

Right now I would say my assigned gender is a mixture of the two 'cause I sure don't look or act like the average male speciman but can in a pinch. Thoughts, emotions reactions and intuition and some physical characteristics fall within the female range which is why I use the "F". But tomorrow is a different day and I may feel differently. One day at a time is all anyone can live and what we are happy with toda, we may hate tomorrow.

As Jessica, Misha, Stephanie and a lot of others said it certainly has been healthy for me. Lost 100lbs, went from pre hypertensive (140's systolic/80 diastolic) to 110/70, reduced my risk of prostate cancer and diabetes immensely. Oh, and reducing the risk of suicide from near certain to nil helped as well

I see this question as more a general human health question vs. a transition question because any human being that isn't living a life congruent with who they are can and often do develop psychological and physiological health issues associated with their denial.

Living this kind of life takes a great deal of energy as every part of you is trying to unconsciously rise to the surface to make itself known so it can be embraced.

Does that mean that a person can't make a deliberate decision to not become who they were meant to be? I'm sure they could but before this can happen a "full" embracing of ones truth must take place first. Then and only then can a person decide to love themselves unconditionally regardless of whether they decide to move forward with changes in their lives or not. Anything less than this unconditional acceptance is most likely resistance and denial.