So, I've seen her twice now, this week will be three times and, the concerns I have are this

1. She doesn't specialize in Trans issues and although she has HAD some patients, all left her and she's never helped one to transition

2. During our last session, she asked which gender I prefer (as in to date and such) I told her this one and she basically was like "EERTT. Errrt," She did sounds while doing hand gestures to indicate stop, no more, I don't want to hear anymore. Though she didn't say those words, that was what the sounds and hand gestures were saying.

3. When I called to schedule my next appointment with her, she told me it'd only be a 45 min session, so I asked her was she going to be taking notes with the other 15 mins? Her answer was "What I do with that time is none of your business." ... it IS my business thank you! (I didn't say that to her)

4. When I talked to her on the phone last week, she called me a sir, even though she knows which gender and pronouns to use and while she said "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be calling you that." It didn't feel truly sincere. (It might have been sincere, just didn't feel and maybe even sound like it)

5. She's very friendly, but, too friendly, she is talkative, has cut me off on what I was talking about to ask another question (Out of curiosity) which typically was relating to what I said at the time but, I'm just concerned she's not being professional here with this #5 concern.

So, there you have it, are these anything to be concerned about? Honestly I just don't want to continue to see her tbh as I don't believe she'll be able to really help me but I'll give the 3rd session a chance and see how it goes but, one of the things I'm concerned about is how she'll explain things to my Dad so he'll hopefully, realize how awful he's been to me, will accept I'm a woman and not a man and so on. Do you have any advice for me?

Also, does anyone have a list of therapists that we shouldn't see? You know, a black list due to, scam, not helpful, prejudice against trans issues etc.

Lastly, I just want to know, the last therapist that I was seeing before this one I liked, only saw her once but, she DOES specialize in trans issues, the reason why I quit seeing her is because the walls were not sound proof (Due to her and other therapists renting the building out) so the patients outside the door and waiting room could hear what was being said and if you listened closely, the other patients having a session in the next room too, so, would you be willing/comfortable seeing someone with that kind of set up? Before you ask, I already asked her if there was another room we could go too, she said there wasn't.

She isn't a good therapist, period.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a therapist that specializes in transgender issues because therapists, in general, have to provide you with a judgment-free zone for you to talk about your issues and work them out. As a therapist, she should be lending her ear, give impartial advice and help you out. She seems to be part of the problem and not the solution. I believe that she might make things worse between you and your dad since she's having a hard time being considerate of your feelings and letting you know that she takes this seriously. It's probably not a question of being comfortable with your gender identity but whether or not if this is a competent therapist in general since she's giving somewhat of an attitude and you are paying for HER time.

she doesnt sound like a good therapist at all. period end of story

Even if she was a good therapist, which she isn't, it wouldn't matter. If you are not comfortable with her and don't feel like she's a good fit, you get to choose who will work for you.

If you liked your last therapist maybe give her another try. Talk to her about your concerns about being overheard. Maybe she and you can come up with a solution. Here's a random idea. Could you have music playing during your therapy. Not loud of course, but something to help mask the noise? The other thing I'll mention is that people are there for their own issues and aren't there to listen to what's happening behind closed doors.

Good Mornig Shana,

If it was me, I would go back to the therapist who gets you.  I wasted a few weeks with someone who mixed gender and sexuality, and she never really did get me or what being trans was all about.  I understand your concern with privacy, and confidentially, but in my experience I'm just not so damn interesting that anyone really cares much what I say in a therapeutic session.  I'm fascinated, but the rest of the world just doesn't seem so riveted. If people have to make an effort to hear, chances are pretty good they won't.  The drama of their own lives is just way more important to them.  I mean would you pay attention to another's issues, while waiting to talk about your own?

Therapists cannot divulge what was talked about with a patient with anyone, even your dad unless he is a part of the therapeutic process.  Your father will have to come to terms with himself as he comes to terms with you.  You are valuable, beautiful, and deserved to be treated as such particularly by those who love you.  That said, it is sometimes achingly hard for parents to accept that their vision of who you are is not yours, and yours is the one that matters.

Counseling sessions are always 45 or 50 minutes.  What the practitioner does with the remaining time is, and will remain, a mystery.  My guess is that after spending time with me, the poor girl needs yoga or alcohol to face the next supplicant.

Remember your own worth and act on that with integrity and love.  Eventually your dad will see your beauty, or you'll have to part ways for a while. Is that something that can be done?  Transition is for a lifetime, try to hold that thought as you work through trouble.  To seek authenticity is enormously hard, but is what saved my life.  I wish you nothing but sunshine.

Love,
Julie

Oh by the way, I don't know of a therapy black list, but depending on where you are, the local LGBT organizations can almost certainly give you references to competent providers.
j

This is the most important thing you've said in your post, and it's the take-home message IMHO:

Quote from: Shana-chan on July 07, 2014, 09:25:40 AM
Honestly I just don't want to continue to see her tbh as I don't believe she'll be able to really help me

There you go. You don't feel comfortable with her, you don't trust her... therefore she hasn't established a healthy therapeutic relationship with you. It's time to let her go. Any therapist interrupting me with 'Errrt!' noises wouldn't get another session out of me, that's for sure.

Quote from: Shana-chan on July 07, 2014, 09:25:40 AM
one of the things I'm concerned about is how she'll explain things to my Dad so he'll hopefully, realize how awful he's been to me, will accept I'm a woman and not a man and so on. Do you have any advice for me?

Yes - based on what you've outlined in your numbered bullet points, I don't think she's the right person to help you with this. If anything, she might cause further harm to your relationship with your father, and she may set you back in your efforts to get him to accept you. I wouldn't get her involved if I were you. I'd recommend going back to that other therapist and asking her to help you with this once you've established a good relationship.

Quote from: Shana-chan on July 07, 2014, 09:25:40 AM
Lastly, I just want to know, the last therapist that I was seeing before this one I liked, only saw her once but, she DOES specialize in trans issues, the reason why I quit seeing her is because the walls were not sound proof [snip] would you be willing/comfortable seeing someone with that kind of set up?

I would feel more comfortable with that setup than with your existing therapist. Here's an idea: could you tell them you're concerned about doctor/patient confidentiality due to the thinness of the walls? Could you suggest they get a radio in the waiting room so that this will disguise the noises coming from the therapy rooms? Patient confidentiality is very important... and so is your comfort.

I can directly answer #3. Billing coding covers the length of a therapy session. 45 minutes is considered a standard length, not an hour. It's a therapists discretion of they offer to have a session longer than 45min while not billing for it.

No trust, no confidence = a bad therapy relationship.  Time to leave.

And it sounds like it's time to go back to your prior therapist.  How thin were the walls?  There's a difference between being able to hear that a conversation is taking place, and actually being able to listen to that conversation.  I can hear my therapist talking with the client who is scheduled right before me if I arrive early enough, but I can't actually hear what is being said - no confidentiality issues at all.

A few others have made some really good solutions for how to minimize the possibility that anyone else can hear your conversations.  I'd also add that most of what we talk about in therapy, while vitally important and interesting to us, is probably really boring to anyone else. 

I agree with Brenda. It's time to go to prior therapist. If you tell her your privacy concerns she may be able to accommodate.

I went to a therapist a couple of months ago. She gave me impression I was wasting her time. I called for another appointment today, but asked to see someone experienced in gender issues. I hope I don't get the same therapist or that she takes me more seriously this time.

I've called and left a message with my current therapist or as of now, ex-therapist. I should note, I saw her two times but never signed any forms including a privacy form. She did get a photo copy of my insurance card and Social security card which is another thing that I wasn't comfortable with. Since I never signed any forms, she can't disclose any of my info can she?

Anyway, bad news, I spoke to my old therapist and it doesn't sound like I'll be able to see her again even if a slot does open up. (Due to family issues she had to move closer to where family is, thus, a far longer drive out that way..) she says she'll look into a therapist who specializes in GID/GD but, I honestly doubt she'll find one close to me. Either way, I'm hoping when I call her in a week from today, there will be good news. Also, I am scared of what my Dad will say/do since I called him, left a message telling him, I'm not seeing the therapist anymore and would explain more when he calls me. I was planning on telling him, hey, I'll go back to the old one but, now it doesn't look like that'll happen and also, I have no idea who I can see who specializes in GID/GD/trans issues and accepts the insurance I have that's close by. I am tired of this, I just want to transition, I want to be on hormones, on E, I want a more feminine body and HELL! I want actual boobs. T^T

Quote from: Shana-chan on July 07, 2014, 04:11:49 PM
I've called and left a message with my current therapist or as of now, ex-therapist. I should note, I saw her two times but never signed any forms including a privacy form. She did get a photo copy of my insurance card and Social security card which is another thing that I wasn't comfortable with. Since I never signed any forms, she can't disclose any of my info can she?

If you or your insurance company have conveyed money to this person for a therapy session, there wouldn't need to be a 'technical form' for there to be confidentiality. The contract would be implied in this case. (Assuming this takes place in the U.S)

Shana,
Good for you! You are choosing authenticity. It is hard and sometimes very scary, but it is ultimately the choice of life. You have a lot to do and a lot to face.  If I can be of any help send me a note, and I'll be glad to talk.

Hang in there,
Julie

Shana, you did the right thing. The therapist was not professional and not experienced in trans* issues.

Can you contact a lgbt center and ask for a list of trans* therapist. My primary care has a trans* program and in the manual they list therapists. I go to one on the list. Also, contact a woman's therapy center. The usually deal in sexual assault and physical abuse but often they have therapist skilled in trans* issues.

You need to be comfortable with a trans* experienced therapist who listens and has sound machines to eliminate conversations from being overheard.

Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on July 07, 2014, 05:30:45 PM
Shana, you did the right thing. The therapist was not professional and not experienced in trans* issues.

Can you contact a lgbt center and ask for a list of trans* therapist. My primary care has a trans* program and in the manual they list therapists. I go to one on the list. Also, contact a woman's therapy center. The usually deal in sexual assault and physical abuse but often they have therapist skilled in trans* issues.

You need to be comfortable with a trans* experienced therapist who listens and has sound machines to eliminate conversations from being overheard.

It's ironic since her card has the word "professional" on it, yet she didn't act like it. Also more ironic is, she doesn't have a web site.. Anyway, I would but, did a search (Google) for one by typing in LGBT centers in plus the name of the city/town/etc. that I live in and then the state after that. The only thing it turned up was, LGBT addiction/rehab centers and one site for LGBT meet ups but upon checking that one out, no trans stuff was listed.. so much for the T in LGBT huh? So yeah, I don't think where I live there is a center.. I doubt there'd be a woman's therapy center near by either..

Devils advocate here as everyone is painting this therapist as ebil : Each therapist has their individual style of working with someone.  Some will allow their patient to ramble, others will interject with a question to direct their patients to the next point.  It boils down to the situation.

In any case, if you don't feel comfortable working with this person, then it's best to move on, as you need to be on good terms and have a good rapport with your health care providers.

I can't really provide advice/input that hasn't already been said, but I truly do feel for you. I recently "fired" a therapist who ended up totally wasting my time and money. From the first session, she knew what my desires were and led me to believe that she could help me.
While it's really unfortunate that your prior therapist can't see you, I'm glad to hear that you've ceased seeing the other therapist. While I agree that each therapist is entitled to their own style and method of therapy, there is a line between what is helpful and what is detrimental and when your therapist crosses it, it's time to find a new one.