My mind has become a hell pit of obsessive thinking about gender and I'm sick of it. I want my mind back. Anyone else have this problem? Does HRT help? Does transition solve it or will I still suffer from it after transition? Is this just yet another sign that transition may be of benefit to me? Any other tips to help get it out of my mind?

I can not help much as I am about where you are - caught in a web of compulsive thoughts about gender.   I have heard of others helped by hrt and certainly by transition.  Hopefully they will chime in here... I would like to hear what they say.

Hang in there and know you are not alone.

Find an art form you're passionate about

Repression and denial were major tenants of my former life and I would never advise a transgender person to go back to that.  Having accepted myself and being in transition for 18 months I am much happier, at piece and, feel right.  I am somewhat obsessive about gender identity and that seems normal to me for being midway in transition.  Part of being in transition for me means appointments with therapists, physicians, laser and speech professionals.  And then there is coming out to friends, family and coworkers and getting a name and gender ID change on a million documents and dealing with those agency people.  It can certainly consume a big part of our thinking and daily lives and that is part of the deal we make to be our true and authentic self.  I know trans men and women who have transitioned years ago that say it gets better.  With time we do find it is less of a big deal until we are at that point of just living an ordinary life as the person we always felt we were (inside) to begin with.
Cultivating a wide circle of friends and developing/maintaining interests outside of ourselves is healthy for anyone IMO.  Being a good listener, sharing space without being the center of the universe and genuinely caring about others also seems to help us be more compatible.  Compassion, empathy and loving others seem like attributes anyone might admire and then there is a universe of distractions in social media, art and literature.  A good book anyone? 

Pick up a brand new hobby. I got three when I started out two years ago and it helped. Try learning about something new. Go out for some fresh air. Basically just keep yourself busy and then find someone you can talk to. When I was being obsessive and I didnt have a therapist yet I was constantly moving and doing something from the second I woke up until I went to sleep.

Therapy was great and i was able to slow down and stop worrying. HRT and transition had helped me a lot. I rarely think about trans stuff unless I'm on this forum. Otherwise I'm just a guy.

Quote from: Ayden on July 08, 2014, 05:33:36 PM
Pick up a brand new hobby. I got three when I started out two years ago and it helped. Try learning about something new. Go out for some fresh air. Basically just keep yourself busy and then find someone you can talk to. When I was being obsessive and I didnt have a therapist yet I was constantly moving and doing something from the second I woke up until I went to sleep.

Therapy was great and i was able to slow down and stop worrying. HRT and transition had helped me a lot. I rarely think about trans stuff unless I'm on this forum. Otherwise I'm just a guy.

This is all great advice. Keeping busy can be really helpful.

Other than that, I did find that HRT helped somewhat - but it wasn't until I started passing, and truly knowing I was passing and seen as male, that I chilled out. Now I don't think about stuff so much and I just do what I want. Gender still crosses my mind if dysphoria kicks in, or if I see someone who knows...but for the most part I just get on with day to day life now.

i find myself in the same place! constantly thinking about it, it gets worse when you have too much free time!

HRT helped for me. I do not really think about it much anymore like I used to. Even though I am early on it still and not socially transitioning yet. It used to be that I spent all my time distracting myself from it. Now I actually am getting hobbies cause I want them for them, not as just a distraction.

My mom says I'm obsessed. Always looking at myself and always commenting on this or that about myself, whether critical or positive. She gives me the sighs and the eyerolls. Thinks I spend too much time on this site too. Hey, I can't help it, like she don't obsess over things.

But seriously, I know where your thoughts are coming from, and as much as you try you just can't stay focused on anything because you aren't happy or comfortable within yourself, made worst in that once you found out that something can be done about it to change it, now you're anxious even more than ever, wanting so much now to get the ball rolling, looking forward to a new you. And yes, those thoughts will be with you after starting hormones too, not as bad though since so long as being a woman is for you, you should be at more peace with yourself. But then you'll be so eager to see physical results that'll just be another thing to obsess over. Oh no, will it ever end!? 

Nothing helped me until I got on HRT.  That seemed to quiet my mind down a lot; before then, I was literally thinking about gender 24/7 for years.

Now I can go for a day without thinking about it.  It still hurts when I think about it, but I generally have to make myself think about it unless something accidentally triggers memories and feelings.  The HRT has given me some breathing room mentally, and it's as if I've taken a step back from the obsession at the same time as taking a step forward to transition.

(When I say that "nothing helped me", I don't mean to imply that therapy or any other pre-HRT steps are not necessary.  The therapy helped me in countless other ways, but it did little to reduce my obsessive thinking about gender.  It made my thoughts clearer and helped me figure out whether or not further steps like HRT were appropriate, but only the HRT seems to have reduced my obsessive thinking.)

All great feedback and comments! Thank you!