Before transition I kept worrying over how dependent I would be on hrt and stuff. So for about two years before I started hrt, I lived as my female self to prove to myself that I could do this without hormones. It was tough and I learned a lot about myself through that experience.

However that's how I was able to finally start hrt though. I had worked so hard on my look and presentation that I was able to book an appointment without a therapist's letter. A lot of the endos around here require that first but luckily since my voice passed over the phone, they scheduled me in. When my endo saw me for the first time, he thought I had already begun hrt. His face turned pretty sour when he found out that I hadn't even seen a therapist yet so all they did was draw my blood. After that he told me I had to have at least one session with a therapist, which I did immediately after. I just wanted get my foot in the door and not deal with the "gatekeeping" . The therapist signed off after the first meeting with me because of how far I was already into my social transition.

The social transition is the most important part and what I see often everyone struggle with so much. I feel like too much emphasis is placed on the physical aspect when the social is just as important if not more.

Yeah... the social transition definitely is the hard part.

The HRT part, I started on informed consent, then was diagnosed legitimately in under a month of counseling. It was done, I instantly started feeling better, and that was it.

The social part, though... ugh... months and months and months of being too scared to even leave the house, petrified of how people were going to react, spending every single day at work wondering when the right time to go full-time was, stressing the hell out about not being passable, and whether I'd be accepted, and using the women's room, and a million other questions. The HRT part was done in under a month. The social transition took me over a year of pain and hardship to finally make it past. And even once I had made it over that hurdle, it's still taken me 3 months of being full-time to really start settling in to my new role.

Getting started on the social was the key for me. Learning that I could be gendered appropriately and enjoy support from the cis community enabled me to go forward with HRT with a lot less care about what I would ultimately look like.

Social remained important cause then came all the other stuff involved with being a woman in the world from getting objectified by a few men with a proclivity for misbehavior to having my opinion not count as much. THAT turned me into a feminist. Experiencing that change in social treatment, was really hard and confusing and I'm still getting my bearings. But, at least I'm not alone.

Yeah, socially being and dealing with being a woman, and thus accepting a lower status and everything that comes along with being a woman in today's society (unless you subscribe to the MRA's POV then its all roses and butterflies, literally), is much harder on some, especially those who have spend a long time in a male profession or "acting" male (don't really understand that, but I'm dense so...).

The focus on HRT is because peeps want to make the social part easier. But it's not just putting on makeup and fashion choices, it's personality. I wouldn't recommens the OP's choice, as it seems very hard but is extremely admirable. Being socially accepted as female and being able to live in society as a woman is a huge step that many (I think) don't fully grasp. The condescending attitudes, the subtle put downs, the cattiness of women who see you as competition, especially when the man they like and want that men to like them f^cks you, and finally the irreversibility of it all.

People talk all the time about taking HRT as a litmus test or how they can go back. But if you fully immerse yourself in woman hood, as I have for the last 14 months, it changes you. Peeps say it doesn't but it does. There's no way it can't. It has to. It's the point. I'm a little off track here, but the social part is just as important and hard as the physical. But, the physical is hard to since you virtually making yourself a target, melting away your muscles, and turning yourself into an object for men. And yes you will be an object. I always get accused of having so called passing privilege and yeah I have it but when you really, really pass and have to put up with being called baby by random men every single day you go out, it changes your whole perspective.

I wonder though how many are truly full time because ful time isn't just a name change to me oir wearing a dress and having people call you this name or that name. It's when you pass, and given enough time on HRT most will pass, and you look at yourself and realize that there's no going back, there's no going home, there's no more male freindships (and I had many male friends). Now, to men, I;m essentially a traitor if they knew before transition and a trap and to men who don't know me I'm an object to be obtained or just passed on like a tasty meal you don't feel like eating at the time.

Many won't agree with this and say there's all this other stuf to being a woman like being compassionate, emotional, caring, sensitive, etc--but I was all those things pre-transition I didn't need to do this to be that--but what it boils down to is in mny ways I'm now more object than person and not only that I have to be careful everywhere I go because if I get cornered in the wrong place, especially being pre-op for another year, two or three (hopefully not longer), I'm f^cked. Or more precisely not EFFED but instead killed or beaten.

I went into transition very suddenly and just started self-medding as I didn't feel like waiting and some might say that's a bad way but it worked for me and it's what I did so there's no changing it, but I passed very soon after starting and had a BF within three months and now I can't stop even if I wanted to. It's like inertia. IDK, this sounds like a bleak portrait I'm painting of womanhood, when in reality I get treated so much better and I'm so mnuch better off. That's why I did it--cause I'd be better off. and I am. I'm just not cut out for manhood and never was and never made a good one cause how I look, act and everything else.

This is a giant ramble, sorry and it's prolly TLDR. I just got called baby once too many times today and from one guy right in front of his girl who was all pissed off. Wrong person to ask for a smoke...yikes lol

Quote from: Carrie Liz on July 06, 2014, 11:42:15 PM
Yeah... the social transition definitely is the hard part.

The HRT part, I started on informed consent, then was diagnosed legitimately in under a month of counseling. It was done, I instantly started feeling better, and that was it.

The social part, though... ugh... months and months and months of being too scared to even leave the house, petrified of how people were going to react, spending every single day at work wondering when the right time to go full-time was, stressing the hell out about not being passable, and whether I'd be accepted, and using the women's room, and a million other questions. The HRT part was done in under a month. The social transition took me over a year of pain and hardship to finally make it past. And even once I had made it over that hurdle, it's still taken me 3 months of being full-time to really start settling in to my new role.

Yeah for me when I started hrt I kind of went back into my shell. I felt like a caterpillar waiting to turn into a butterfly. And I eventually did turn into that butterfly, it took time. Hrt just made me feel like an awkward teenager again, which in some sense was great but at the same time pretty scary lol. To an extent it still feels weird because I feel like I've only been truly awake for the past 4 years or so. So physically I feel like I'm 14 years old again except happier this time around but with the mind of a 24 year old if that makes sense 

So I've gone back into my typical self before my trans stuff started to heavily affect me when I was a kid. Meaning that I'm super shy in person with people I barely know but once I'm comfortable where I' am I become the life of the party sort of speak, super cheerful and everything.

So happy for you that you've made it over those hurdles!! Yeah full time is a bit rough at first and adding the passing factor in can make it nerve wrecking at times. In the end it's worth it to be our true selves. I know prehrt I didn't pass 100% it was more like 25-50%. When I would go to the mall with friends I'd get clocked by some of the teenage girls and laughed at, it sucked so much. But it is what it is, I coped by seeing it like I was back in school and was going through the "mean girl experience". I never had any problems with adults though because I did have a feminine body prehrt, skinny frame, small wrists and hands, hips and so on. But my face was the most masculine part and was difficult to get right with makeup, thankfully hrt fixed that part.

Quote from: Misato on July 06, 2014, 11:52:37 PM
Getting started on the social was the key for me. Learning that I could be gendered appropriately and enjoy support from the cis community enabled me to go forward with HRT with a lot less care about what I would ultimately look like.

Social remained important cause then came all the other stuff involved with being a woman in the world from getting objectified by a few men with a proclivity for misbehavior to having my opinion not count as much. THAT turned me into a feminist. Experiencing that change in social treatment, was really hard and confusing and I'm still getting my bearings. But, at least I'm not alone.

Yes! you're most definitely not alone!! <3 Yeah I have the same kind of reasoning for being a bigger feminist more than ever before! When I was a kid, I was always disgusted with how a lot of the boys would act towards the girls in my class. It was just ridiculous the amount of sexism and nastiness a lot of these boys would display. Whenever I saw that happening I just stayed out of it. Sometimes I'd try to help but it would just make things worst usually and push me even more into the outcast status.

I can't say I've been mistreated myself or objectified directly since I mostly socialize with other women and the few men that are in my life are amazing guys and don't act like douches. I mean I have gotten the "checking you out looks" but its been from both sexes. Direct verbal harassing hasn't happened yet cause I don't really go out too much around my town, since of the kind of area I live in (the south). And if I do go out it's almost always to places where it's mostly women spaces anyways and I'm usually in a group so it minimizes the chances of harassment. 

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 07, 2014, 12:05:05 AM
Yeah, socially being and dealing with being a woman, and thus accepting a lower status and everything that comes along with being a woman in today's society (unless you subscribe to the MRA's POV then its all roses and butterflies, literally), is much harder on some, especially those who have spend a long time in a male profession or "acting" male (don't really understand that, but I'm dense so...).

The focus on HRT is because peeps want to make the social part easier. But it's not just putting on makeup and fashion choices, it's personality. I wouldn't recommens the OP's choice, as it seems very hard but is extremely admirable. Being socially accepted as female and being able to live in society as a woman is a huge step that many (I think) don't fully grasp. The condescending attitudes, the subtle put downs, the cattiness of women who see you as competition, especially when the man they like and want that men to like them f^cks you, and finally the irreversibility of it all.

People talk all the time about taking HRT as a litmus test or how they can go back. But if you fully immerse yourself in woman hood, as I have for the last 14 months, it changes you. Peeps say it doesn't but it does. There's no way it can't. It has to. It's the point. I'm a little off track here, but the social part is just as important and hard as the physical. But, the physical is hard to since you virtually making yourself a target, melting away your muscles, and turning yourself into an object for men. And yes you will be an object. I always get accused of having so called passing privilege and yeah I have it but when you really, really pass and have to put up with being called baby by random men every single day you go out, it changes your whole perspective.

I wonder though how many are truly full time because ful time isn't just a name change to me oir wearing a dress and having people call you this name or that name. It's when you pass, and given enough time on HRT most will pass, and you look at yourself and realize that there's no going back, there's no going home, there's no more male freindships (and I had many male friends). Now, to men, I;m essentially a traitor if they knew before transition and a trap and to men who don't know me I'm an object to be obtained or just passed on like a tasty meal you don't feel like eating at the time.

Many won't agree with this and say there's all this other stuf to being a woman like being compassionate, emotional, caring, sensitive, etc--but I was all those things pre-transition I didn't need to do this to be that--but what it boils down to is in mny ways I'm now more object than person and not only that I have to be careful everywhere I go because if I get cornered in the wrong place, especially being pre-op for another year, two or three (hopefully not longer), I'm f^cked. Or more precisely not EFFED but instead killed or beaten.

I went into transition very suddenly and just started self-medding as I didn't feel like waiting and some might say that's a bad way but it worked for me and it's what I did so there's no changing it, but I passed very soon after starting and had a BF within three months and now I can't stop even if I wanted to. It's like inertia. IDK, this sounds like a bleak portrait I'm painting of womanhood, when in reality I get treated so much better and I'm so mnuch better off. That's why I did it--cause I'd be better off. and I am. I'm just not cut out for manhood and never was and never made a good one cause how I look, act and everything else.

This is a giant ramble, sorry and it's prolly TLDR. I just got called baby once too many times today and from one guy right in front of his girl who was all pissed off. Wrong person to ask for a smoke...yikes lol

I totally enjoyed reading your giant ramble!!! Cause I completely agree with everything you stated, it's the negatives to womanhood in our society. However it's definitely worth it all despite how crappy it can be. There's nothing in the world like being your true self. I wouldn't recommend what I did either honestly, it was tough but I got the confidence to follow through with it because my body wasn't very masculine at all and I was just so sick of pretending to be something I wasn't. So passing was a hit and miss prehrt but now I fully pass, I'm pretty lucky in that regarding my genetics and response to estrogen.

Yeah when it comes to the male friendships, I axed and disconnected from a lot of people from my past. The only male friend I'm still super close to is my best friend who I grew up with. I've known him since I was 6. He's been completely accepting of me and always knew something was up with me all those years ago. I love him so much, it's interesting how our friendship has changed since I started transition. He treats me like any other gal but at the same time we're still on the same wave length you know. Him and me have always had a strong bond, transition just made it stronger.

You sparked a thought in my head I've been having for a while regarding our safety/physical attraction. I feel like I can't allow myself to be with men physically even though I'm curious because of the potential danger we may face, especially for those of us that pass. I'm pretty happy identifying as a lesbian cause either way I can't ever see myself being in a relationship with a guy. I'm just not emotionally attracted to them. So it's really not that big of deal in my case. The cattiness with women and that kind of stuff falls in line with the male macho douche attitude. It's so annoying, imo women build each other up not break each other down. Those types of people are just extremely emotionally immature.

I'm just starting transitioning now , but I was out in dresses a long time ago. It was scary at first , but I just needed to do it . being inside just didn't help my dysphoria at all so I just forced myself out and it helped

Talking about social status my mother actually asked me whether my employer lowered my salary since they list me as a woman since last December. They didn't but in Czech it's quite common for women to be at like 70% salary of what they would get if it was done by a man.

Personally I never really cared about my social status as being disabled I never had one to start with. Plus being asperger I don't care what other's think about me. Which allowed me to start girl-mode few months even before I was prescribed blockers and later estrogens. Fortunately people here simply didn't care. I think they wouldn't even notice if someone painted themselves blue.

But I do admit the fact that I'm 100% gendered as a woman (unless I have to show my ID which leads to weird situation) for a month now did wonders to my self-confidence and greatly improved my mood. After all that's the only thing I wanted from the rest of the society. I'm even getting used to the increased interest from men that I pass by.

It was quite funny when a husband of my friend said that I should be careful about a certain sort of men. As he said: "So that I won't have to run to your aid and save your honor." I actually wouldn't expect that from him :-) .

The physical stuff just kind of happens once you go on HRT and do the other things. But the social transition is all you, so yeah, I do admire the people who have managed to do it. I haven't even started yet, except for telling the people who are close to me how things are and then start gushing about how excited I am about my breast growth.

I've gotten the impression from a lot of people that while some of it is in your appearance, a lot of it is in your own head. This is one of the things where I'm kind of glad people are kind of dim and they tend to see what you're projecting for them. That is something I need a lot of work on before I can even try, in addition to the physical stuff.

I am glad you mentioned it Lady Oracle as it is one of things that I changed my mind about whilst going through the NHS' treatment pathway.  Way back when (it does seem like a very different place now) I was just beginning to work out what the irritating itch I could never quite reach was it struck me as an all but inhuman thing to do forcing people to go through the social transition before they could access any treatment.  Now, and having seen that the struggles can be just as intense even with HRT doing its thing, I can understand why.  You are going to have to face up to the adventures of the social transition anyway so, given the NHS is free at point of use, it seems less barbarous, though not entirely out of the 'tough love' category.

And a heartfelt congratulations to anyone who has made it through, it never seems to be entirely easy, HRT assistance or not.

Rosie

I thought this thread might get more replies, and I'd really like to hear from more people about their experience of their social transition into the female role.

I'm only part time, but I've already experienced guys pushing in in queues and men opening doors for me, and help and supporting smiles from other women.  These are small things and there is so much more to go through.

I guess as a sometimes passable woman I kind of lack confidence in expressing fully my femininity, like people aren't going to take me seriously because I'm someone 'pretending to be a woman'. Perhaps the social transition process slowly builds this confidence and with the confidence and the expression the aura of true womanhood increases passability.  I know that when my confidence is high I can relax and be myself and n one really gives me much of a second look.  I also know that when I can have a few days as myself my confidence and comfort in my female role increases greatly.

I'd love to know from people who went full time how their feelings changed over the weeks and months.  It might give me hope for a brighter and less anxious future.

Quote from: Joan on July 08, 2014, 09:14:33 AM
I'd love to know from people who went full time how their feelings changed over the weeks and months.  It might give me hope for a brighter and less anxious future.

I'm in general really bad when it comes to describing my feeling but I'll try. Since starting HRT I'd say my feelings where like one month behind my body. Before it was simply just stress which turned into a sort of paranoia. For example: was that couple laughing because they viewed me as male dressed as a woman when I walked pass them?

Starting June 1st there were several moments which later helped me overcome that paranoia. But not gradually. Alone those moments did nothing but only when they piled up I suddenly realized that the problem comes from myself. Because the only person seeing remnants of a male in me was just me.

So in my case as HRT did and keeps doing a great job the only problem was my own psychology. That problem doesn't exist anymore and it feels wonderful :-) .

When the moments you described reach the "critical mass" prepare for quite a flood of amazing emotions :-) .

Quote from: Joan on July 08, 2014, 09:14:33 AM
I thought this thread might get more replies, and I'd really like to hear from more people about there experience of their social transition into the female role. . .

I'd love to know from people who went full time how their feelings changed over the weeks and months.  It might give me hope for a brighter and less anxious future.

Joan, if this is the kind of thing you want to know, anybody who's out full-time could write a whole book on it.  For me, the main thing is how my view of myself has changed so radically.  I was in the closet for far too many years, and when that's the case, whether you like it or not, you do develop a male image of yourself.  Get out full-time, and that male image disappears bit by bit.

In a way, I'm still in a period of confusion.  Lots of times I'm not really sure what I am.  But lots of times, too, especially when I'm not overly conscious of myself, my self-image is entirely female.  That is beautiful.  It's especially nice being in female circles where you're pretty much accepted as "one of the girls".

Hate to say it, but the only real way to know what's it's like is just to do it.  It's scary as hell, no denying that.  But as you gain in experience, you gain in confidence, too.  Hopefully, you're living in a place where people don't give you too much hassle.  If you are, then it can be hard to take a lot of positives from your experience.  But if you have the good fortune (like me) to be living somewhere that's relatively trans-friendly, it's an experience you don't want to miss out on.  It's like chocolate cake: once you get a taste of it, you never want to stop gorging yourself on it.

Social is the key to the whole transition. I understand why people get a bit overly fixated on the effects of HRT, it's another firm of confirmation after all, but it's how you can live your life 100% in your identified gender that counts.

Misha, foxglove and Grace thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Now that I can see that HRT is definitely having its effects (and waiting to find out exactly how your mileage does vary is a pretty anxious time), it's getting more and more obvious that the social transition part is the biggie.  It is getting easier in a two steps forward one step back kind of a way, and your posts have given me confidence that the parts will fall into place more and more with time.

Next stop on the journey: the call at the parental home and the big coming out talk 

I am currently working to improve the social aspect of my transition. I had to buy a wall calendar to keep track of all of the stuff that I need to do socially; July has something written in a lot of the daily squares - THAT never happened before in my old dude life!

One of the hardest things for me about learning the social thing is unlearning dude behavior and learning that it's OK for me to have feminine behavior. Socially it is important to have feminine reactions to things, to be a good empathetic listener, to know what to say and when to say it, and to know how to be charming - these are some of the social graces that people expect women to innately possess.

When I was pretending to be a dude I was a sullen hermit, and I avoided social situations like the plague - I had no social graces whatsoever. Eva is far more social and enjoys getting out and about among people and chatting with them. I find it FUN to get to be myself and practice my social graces, but I had to be willing to put myself out there knowing that I would stumble - and stumble I did.

Practice makes perfect.

I'm reviving this thread so more can see and post their experiences and I have a few updates of my own.

I finally have been going out more on lately, shopping, bars and stuff. I wore my first dress the other night, goo me! Anyways I'm finally at the point where I'm not worried about being clocked anymore or someone finding out I'm trans. My body is finally at the point where I can walk with confidence. The past month I've gone out and have had no problems, no awkward misgendering or stares, life is great. Yes I pass but I was still super self conscience despite me being able to pass cause I spent so much time alone these past few years. I'm making more friends with people who don't know I'm trans and it feels great honestly. It gets old quick having to explain your trans status to people, especially if they're from your past.  It's annoying that I have to justify my transition to anyone. I think its thanks to shots for the sudden change in my character, I'm just more social now when I'm out and about since my hormone levels are much more steadier, granted I was on pills for two years and back in July I switched to injections so that definitely has to be it. 

I think as far as my social transition goes I'm done and can now just focus on getting to the major surgery. How is everyone else's social transition going? If you have any questions or need help, I'd be more than happy to talk.

My social transition has been very pleasant. I didn't realize how much of an impact HRT would make just in my mindset but it did. It was the simple fact that HRT put me more in tune with my emotions as I had suppressed them into the ground for years and years so I literally was a emotionless husk of a human being. I think the fact that I passed very early on in my transition is what has helped my socialization. That moment was when I came out to my hair stylist and she recommended that I get my bangs done and even though I was still not out at work it made a world of a difference in my overall appearance.

I am openly transgender and in the beginning stages of becoming a transgender activist in my state so there's really no way I can ever be stealth or have friends who don't know about me being transgender. They'll find out the second they look at my Facebook page and it really doesn't bother me with the fact that people will find out. If that leads to greater acceptance of transgender people in my state then I can only be happy for the future transgender people that come after me getting to enjoy having an easier time at transitioning than I got when I first started as there was literally only one transgender person in my state advocating for transgender rights and inclusions.

Getting to the point where I passed 100% made the difference and it really happened on it's own without me doing much work to be honest except for working diligently on my voice. Mentally I had been there since week 1 on HRT and little by little, more and more of me was freed and the physical changes started ridding me of my masculine features. I'm up to the point where I can meet new people and they only see me as a woman and once they DO find out that I'm transgender they honestly can't see me as ever being a man even though I am a 5'11" tall amazon woman lol and still feel like that clock's me but it doesn't. Still that's a huge compliment to me when I am told that because I never felt like a guy so people not being able to see me as a guy means a lot to me. I eat lunch with the ladies in our HR department and they treat me no differently and actually enjoy seeing me becoming a very wonderful, happy, pretty and strong woman. Half of them knew me before I came out but the others don't and they too can't see how I ever was a guy. I'm a woman through and through and everyone that I come across now out in public use the right pronouns, I feel safe going out alone, and most of all you can see that I'm actually a happy person now.

I don't know what it is about me but people just enjoy being around me, listening to me talk about my life experiences, the good times and the bad times, I'm so incredibly nice and don't have a mean bone in me. People just can't find it in themselves to dislike me. I know that's true because I saw it happen first has as I live in the south I knew LOTS of my friends, family, and co-workers who were openly anti LGBT and so many people knew me before I came out that I was very afraid that bad things would only happen to me. What happened was the majority of them told me that the only reason why they were willing to give me a chance was that I had always been a really nice person and that made a huge impact on me as just by being me I had already changed many minds.

Social transition is almost like.. careful what you wish you.. you might just get it

we here on this site do get excited over the physical effects of hrt... and want the world to see us as a woman...

when world sees us as a woman then we are treated like a woman.. and sometimes requires some unexpected adjustment..

I had to learn to live again, learn how woman interact with each other.. one thing i have learnt.. woman are bitches.. and will try pull you down to make themselves look better.. In the end, there are more woman on the planet than men.. so we are competing with them... some will not get husbands.. i think this is the root of womans bitchiness to each other..  yes females more caring and a female friendship is way closer than a male friendship. i do sometimes get glares from women.. when there men admire at me.. ok.. hrt has given me a nice set of boobs and i got good legs.. and i do like to wear low-cut tops that show off my cleavage and short skirts to show off my stems.

Social items... like learning and remembering to sit like a lady... or how to kneel down with you knees... especially when you wear a dress or a skirt. Something i which was very natural to me was putting on makeup and walking in high heel shoes.. i learnt these skills very quickly.

it was weird the first time a man opened a door for me. I learning to navigate when a tighter skirt restricts your leg movement.. and the first time a man bought me flowers.. I was a little uncomfortable.. but I liked it .

the social transformation is bigger than the physical one

i think the social transition would be more difficult for those individuals who make it known to everyone that they are "trans" identifying as a transwoman isnt necessary and will only , inevitably , make people treat you differently . dont make the distinction and there wont be the distinction  and you will have a happy life as a woman . if you put a sign on your forehead that says "trans" and feel an obligation to tell every person you meet that you are a transwoman then you will be treated as such . yes you should be honest with people but if you are a woman (post op) i think you are creating unnecessary problems for yourself if you identify and present as a transwoman instead of just a woman.

Quote from: jeninindiana on September 01, 2014, 10:43:41 AM
i think the social transition would be more difficult for those individuals who make it known to everyone that they are "trans" identifying as a transwoman isnt necessary and will only , inevitably , make people treat you differently . dont make the distinction and there wont be the distinction  and you will have a happy life as a woman . if you put a sign on your forehead that says "trans" and feel an obligation to tell every person you meet that you are a transwoman then you will be treated as such . yes you should be honest with people but if you are a woman (post op) i think you are creating unnecessary problems for yourself if you identify and present as a transwoman instead of just a woman.

You've put it all there Jeninindiana, as transition progress, I identify more and more as a woman, I never felt obligation to disclose to anybody, but did disclose to my fiancé when he propose marriage and we got engaged, he knows my history but we never discuss it now, I'm now just another married woman, as Noleen says, not all women will get husbands, I was lucky getting a husband, a man who supports, accepts me as a woman, treats me like a lady and spoils me like a girl.
Like every woman, I regularly get called babe, sweetie, luv, darling, chick etc, unnerving at first, but overtime it's just ''men will be men'' it's mostly harmless, Iv learn to accept it, all part of being a woman.