I read through the first chapter. Personally, I find the whole tone of the article to be condescending. While I may fit the author's description of a "true transexual", I don't identify with that concept because I think it is harmful. She seems locked in the idea that "Every transsexual has led the exact same life... just change the names, the dates, and the places, and they are interchangeable."

But I disagree. Not every TS knew what was wrong at an early age. Not every TS went through a period where they enjoyed crossdressing. Not every TS does macho things to overcompensate repressing their female selves.

Yes, I realize there are some commonalities to the typical TS experience. But who's to say everyone must follow that pattern? That idea can be extremely detrimental to those who don't. I mean, is the experience of a TS who realized she is a woman at 32 any less valid than someone who knew at age 6?

And what about the whole gender binary? The author seems to think you are either born a woman or a man. While I may identify with that, there are many who don't fit such a narrow minded definition. Gender is a spectrum. Those of us that are close to one end or the other of that spectrum can easily identify with the gender binary, but there are many in between. What of them? Are their experiences and self-identities any less valid?

So tell me, of these people who don't fit into the authors perfect idea of a "true transexual", who is to say what they should or shouldn't do with their lives and bodies and how far they should take transition? The author likes to emphatically declare that it is not the right choice for such people, but clearly her opinion is biased.

Now, I do understand the extreme caution the author is trying to convey in steering people away from transition as I'm sure there are some who want to transition and have GRS that will be unhappy afterwards if they do. But god, that's why counseling is available so people who aren't sure can explore those feelings and the reasons behind them. Get help and direction from an experienced professional, not some haughty transier-than-thou wack job on the internet.


As for the rest of what the author has to say, yes, it is bleak. But I didn't need her to point it out for me. I knew going into this what to expect for the worst possible scenario. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that one out.

I may have no choice about transitioning, but I can choose to hope for something better, I can choose not to be mired in thoughts about how badly everything will go. Such thoughts tend to be self-fulfilling anyway if you dwell on them all the time.

I found the whole "oh just you wait little missy, you have no idea how big and bad this all is....!" tone somewhat mocking. And generalised, yep we all live the same lives with the same feelings. Another set of opinions - fine.

I did read it. And it's quite harsh, and not pretty. But it's the reality. I disagree on many points she makes, but I can understand where they come from.

Transition is not easy, and shes does make valid points. I disagree that we all have the same experiences and go through the same, in many ways we do, but each life is too unique and rich to make such huge generalization. There are other topics where I think she is way too radical and extremist.

I do think she has good intentions, though. Basically the message I think she tries to get across is that to transition you must be REALLY REALLY be sure that it's what you want, and that you are ready for the challenges it will present to you. She warns to the multiple problems a transsexual will have to deal with, regarldless of the ability to blend in. It's eyes-opening in many ways. Obviously, she is way too negative and severe at times, but she does the right to caution anyone and make themselves prepared for the upcoming reality.

do anyone know the back ground of the author or is just an unknown writer putting something  on the internet. At just a first glance it looks like some one just opened a dictionary or encyclopedia and copied . To make these assumptions of a child desiring this because the child is aware of the reasons of pursuing this path or that there is any sort of rationale why anybody starts down this path earlier or later is taking one hell of a leap. This is an extremely complicated situation. I started at 4. How in the world do I have any idea what the hell I was doing other than the awareness by society I wasn't suppose to dress like I wanted. I had absolutely no concept of gender or what I wanted to be , I was just me. It seems to be a decent dictionary to describe terms to people who have had no encounter with this situation themselves . I think to use this as any personal guide is misplaced. I'd really like to know the authors back ground. Transgender is an incredibly difficult concept to understand and explain . I mean come on 4 years old when this hit me. so from birth to the age of 4 I some how became transgender. I only skimmed the fist chapter so I could be way off base, but as far as a transgender using this persons view about whether to transition or not is ludicrous .

Speaking from 40 years down the road I see what the author was attempting to do and I think it is good to take a pessimistic view of the future. Really, honestly, before transition NOBODY knows what the future is going to be like. It is far too easy to imagine all kinds of good things about being a girl but unless you transition as a teen and happen to be slender and pretty, it isn't going to be nearly so rosy. 90% of CIS girls don't even have life that easy. Even if you are pretty and transition young, living as a woman has enough challenges and disappointments.

A little dose of vinegar doesn't hurt. As she says, if you are transsexual, you don't transition because you want to but because you HAVE to.

I find many of the assertions to be outright lies versus my own experience. There is a line that goes something to the effect of Most transsexuals are sex workers at least temporarily.I find that not only to be offensive, but to be inaccurate. I have met only a few sex workers who were transsexuals, it is a stereotype that frustrates me. If someone is a sex worker, that is fine, how others live their life isn't much of my concern, but I still find that assertion rather offensive.

It isn't a case of tough love, it is a case of someone trying desperately to both validate their negative experiences, and also stoke their own ego, by making it seem "nearly impossible" and having persevered in the face of such adversity. If I wanted to get talked down to, in a condescending tone, with inaccurate information, I think I will look up this book again. The more I think on it, the more I realize publications like this do more harm than good for the community.

Well, I haven't read it, but after seeing all the reviews in this thread, I think I'll stay far, far away. Especially after the sex worker bit Hikari mentioned. If I had to read something like that, it would make my blood boil. I know transition can be very difficult for some, but Jesus, claiming the majority of us have to resort to sex work to get by? Seriously? That's extremely offensive to me.

Personally, my transition has been "sunshine and roses." At least compared to how life was before. It's kind of hard for life to go south when you start transition with no friends, no job, an estranged family, etc. Everything has improved since transition, because while I may still get depressed far more often than a "normal" person, I'm no longer so depressed that I can barely even get up in the morning. I actually have friends now that I'm communicating with people as myself instead of a carefully crafted lie. My mother and I actually get along for the first time ever. Transition was a total lifesaver for me. I'm pretty sure if I had read and listened to negative stuff before I set out on this path, it would have destroyed what little was left of me.

No, I did not read this book or any other book, blog, post, or email... I figure why to get my hopes up or down...

Now, after over 3 years doing the so called real-life experience, and reading countless stories in this forum, I can safely say that each transition story is unique but still some common elements have importance bearing on the type and quality of experience, and they are in descending importance:

• 
  your environment (what do you for living, how much money you have, where do you live, etc
  your emotional status (addiction, other mental problems)
  your genetic make up, which translates in you body type (eg. big bones, ahiry, broad shoulders, tall, big hands, etc.)
  Your weight, to thin and to heavy can be problematic
  Your attitude=self steam=self assurance
  

Good god, this is an obnoxious read, and incredibly offensive besides!  It's not even the bleakness of it all that bothers me, it's how many generalizations this gal passes off as fact with literally no basis to do so-apparently (and this is news to me) I'm not actually trans because I was fairly comfortable as a boy until puberty took charge, I don't buy into the gender binary, didn't self medicate, and not all of my friends abandoned me.  Apparently, I choose to be an activist not because I want to advance the rights of my community but because I will always be a "->-bleeped-<-", according to this lovely bit of BS.  There is no one correct way to go through transition, and whomever wrote this is really missing that point.  Also, if you've spent $20,000 on clothing since beginning your transition, I hate you. 

To any early-transition gals who stumble across this thread: Avoid this.  At all costs.

Quote from: Jill F on July 10, 2014, 11:05:28 AM
What a load.  Sounds like someone got really bitter.

Exactly. The sore thumbs stick out for a reason.

I perused each chapter and was thinking, "this is epic troll material right here"

But in all seriousness, I think half the problems faced in transition could be solved if transitioners would just present a step or two beneath their passability. Keep presentation within reason to avoid the stink eye. I mean do you *HAVE* to wear lipstick and a mini skirt and heels if you still have outright manly features?

No. You don't. And keeping your job would become a lot easier.

I wonder whether the main issue is because this book is quite out-of-date? IMO, there are things which made little sense to me when I read it (and if You are searching info on interwebz, this book is hard to miss, cause is pops up with most popular T keywords). But if I try to rephrase the title in a way "How to transition if You are transsexual living in 1980-ties / early 1990-ties" then a lot of stuff it says starts making sense. But then again, a lot of that stuff is no more applicable novadays.
It scared me a lot when I read it, but there was a lot of stuff I instantly dismissed because I knew that was not going to happen with me - and it did not. So, in the end, if You can disassociate Yourself from the reading material and have a freetime - why not?

^^ Awesome sauce. I was thinking this also and couldn't pinpoint a date. "When was this written? 1980's when trans women had rockstar hair?"

Quote from: Evelyn K on July 11, 2014, 02:34:59 AM
"When was this written? 1980's when trans women had rockstar hair?"

That would not be surprising.. place it somewhen around 1987 (talking shows by Jerry Springer, Phil Donahue and others, the way transpeople were portrayed, other commonly seen stereotypes etc etc etc).

It has been commented on pretty thoroughly already, but can't help but add to the voices and say that this was one of the most obnoxious and hateful things I've ever read. I started reading it out of curiosity and I really, really wish I hadn't. I'm emotionally in a very vulnerable state of mind since the full puberty phase of HRT has hit me pretty recently and it just made me fearful and worried that I'm going to drop dead. Even though it's really not going to happen since I'm being monitored carefully and I've taken the safest route. Yeah, it's not bulletproof, but it's unlikely. Just try to get that out of your head once it sets in.

I actually tried to read it a couple of times out of curiosity before, but I was so put off by the introduction that I didn't. Now I tried to bite the bullet since there was a lot of discussion going on, but I should've followed my instincts. The introduction is so obnoxious in how it's basically just ego stroking for the author, basically saying "I'm not an expert, but everything I say is correct and if someone dares to say anything different, they're wrong and insane." and then going on about the fantastic page view count. You know what else has fantastic page views? It's not exactly the decider of quality. Also hated the boasting about having only a few pieces of negative feedback. I guess the author has decided to ignore all of it. It's easy if you count off all the negative feedback as coming from demented and childish brats. The level of arrogance is truly mindboggling.

But it got worse when it then went to cartoonish and offensive stereotypes about different kind of trans people was pretty much the worst part of it. The kind of holier-than-thou attitude about how you can only be a "real" transwoman if you do these things, have this kind of history and feel these exact things is truly outrageous. Anybody who claims to be more "real" or "valid" in their identity than you is as bad as the transphobics out there talking ->-bleeped-<- about us. The most offensive thing was saying that you're not a "real" woman if you plan on not going through GRS. Yeah, I'm planning to do it, but I know some transwomen who have decided against it and I can tell you that all of them are as much or even more women than I ever will be. And what's up with this binary cr#p anyway?

Of course, it was easy for me to take these outrageous things personally since I share pretty much nothing with the "true" transwoman history and the book pretty much is committed to belittling my personal history, experience and identity. And then there was the chapter about hormones, which I shouldn't have read, because my biggest fears at the moment in life are about something going wrong with it since it's been such a positive thing in my life and I feel alive for the first time in my life. And it has nothing to do with growing itty bitty titties or having softer skin. It's about finally feeling like myself as the dysphoria is subsiding with the mental changes as much or more than the preliminary physical changes. I'm not worried about dropping dead, we'll all do that eventually anyway, I'm worried of something happening that'll force me to stop taking the hormones and going back to the non-me that I've been since puberty.

The book says that every other resource and personal story has an ulterior motive, which it claims not to have. But this one is so transparent in having one that it's almost comical. But unfortunately in the end it did not make me laugh, it just made me angry and sad.

Here's a little gem of an excerpt

"Those Hormones!

Oh my, my... all the wonderful things you hear about hormones! The magic pills that grow boobs! The wonderful drugs that give you a feminine figure overnight! Make the hair on your arms disappear! The Life Blood of a T-girl, the Elixir of Life!

Get real, hon, right now, and I mean it. You are ->-bleeped-<-ing around with serious mind and body altering drugs that leave permanent scars and cause irreversible effects, complications, damage, diseases, and death. Now here is where every T-girl I ever met swears up and down that they know it all."

What a load of horse sh*t. I guess they never got the science right around then.

Quote from: Evelyn K on July 11, 2014, 03:02:40 AM
Here's a little gem of an excerpt

"Those Hormones!

Oh my, my... all the wonderful things you hear about hormones! The magic pills that grow boobs! The wonderful drugs that give you a feminine figure overnight! Make the hair on your arms disappear! The Life Blood of a T-girl, the Elixir of Life!

Get real, hon, right now, and I mean it. You are ->-bleeped-<-ing around with serious mind and body altering drugs that leave permanent scars and cause irreversible effects, complications, damage, diseases, and death. Now here is where every T-girl I ever met swears up and down that they know it all."

What a load of horse sh*t. I guess they never got the science right around then.

Sorry, Eve, but those pills are serious and body altering drugs . I dont see how they can make permanent scars though, but a lot of stuff is irreversible and abuse can lead to internal organ damage or even death. If we take away all that boasting and "I know business" attitude, then the rest is kinda valid statement .

I don't get the scars part either...

Ironically I just saw Cindy's thread about HRT induced cerebral brain clots which kinda scared the BEEP out of me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,169054.0.html

Quote from: Evelyn K on July 11, 2014, 03:35:07 AM
I don't get the scars part either...

Ironically I just saw Cindy's thread about HRT induced cerebral brain clots which kinda scared the BEEP out of me.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,169054.0.html

I have read that overdosing hormones can literally burn down estrogen receptors in Your body, which sounds kinda scary too. Sure, they regenerate over the time, but while they are shut down, no matter how many hormones You take there is going to be 0 feminisation effect.

So I go to work and come back and while I'm away all this happened

I see some voices for and some voices against, mainly against.

Yes, there is the extremity of the viewpoint, and the hyperbole and the tone of the voice, but that kind of gets your attention, and I think that's what she set out to do, and you can see that from the contradictions that she's written into it.  Once you read between the lines you can see that she's really just laying out common sense things:

- see a proper therapist who knows what they're doing
- don't self medicate because you  might kill yourself
- do the legal thing properly to avoid problems later
- be prepared for your marriage to break down
- be prepared to be disowned by your children
- be prepared to lose your friends
- don't expect hormones to have magical feminising effects
- don't expect hormones to make you feel like a woman
- be prepared to lose your job
- be prepared to be on a lower income whatever your CV has on it
- be prepared to be ridiculed, laughed at and possibly attacked

And don't do it unless you absolutely have to. 

These are all valid points, many are mentioned time and again on this site,  and are certainly things you should have in mind before you start.

I thought about these things and I thought about them a lot, and when I could see no other way forward I broke down and talked to my partner, then talked to a therapist and got referred immediately to an an endo.  There have been dark moments since, but however hard it is I know there's no way back and I much prefer the future I see than that old life and the roadblock that sat across it.  I'm also prepared for any disappointments that come along, and I've been pretty lucky so far that there haven't been very many.

That's how I see it at least.

Joan,

I think the issue with the message is the presentation.  Tone is so very important about how things come across, and personally, I found the tone of the writing obnoxious, condescending, and bitter.

For those who are in a delicate state, it's a manifest saying "welcome to a super crappy life.  Go hang yourself cos you're going to have a terrible time."

In fact for me, the writing style made it difficult to take any positives from what she had to say.