Summary of Chapter 3: (Last one! Whew!)

-"Stealth is an illusion and a lie. You're never truly stealth, you'll always be found out somehow in some way, especially now that everything is posted on the internet. So you'd better destroy any and all records of your former male life, and you'd better be prepared to move a lot, because as soon as it gets out, the illusion is over, and you're right back to just being a tr***y, and you need to move to another town and pick up the pieces all over again. It's a never-ending battle, and not a lot is written in this chapter here because everything that was relevant to this chapter was already written in Chapter 2. It never ends. A never ending cycle of tremendous ups and tremendous downs, lies upon lies, hardship on hardship, to cover up the truth that you were born male."


So let me get this straight... according to this author, trans women will NEVER be completely happy. That in order to be a "true" transsexual you have to go stealth, have to get SRS, have to change your legal documents, can't be out, can't be known as trans by anyone, you have to pass completely, and yet at the same time you're saying that it's basically ultimately pointless to be this "true" transsexual anyway because you'll never escape it, you'll always be found out eventually, you'll always be plagued by your past, stealth isn't real it's just the "illusion of stealth," and presumably you'll never reach the "Holy Grail" of just being able to be a regular woman and not think about it, you'll always have to disclose your past and live in perpetual lies when socializing with groups of women or while dating a man.

So WHAT WAS THE POINT? Seriously... you spent this ENTIRE article dividing the community, talking about who is a "true" transsexual or not, actually putting down those who are campaigning for trans rights and working to actually fix this problem with being found out being such a big flipping life-destroying deal, and you're trying to proclaim your transition path as the one and only divine and true path of the "true" transsexual, and yet you ended up miserable anyway. All while judging people who actually are happy by claiming that they are not "real" women.

If you want me to make a really honest opinion... you're miserable BECAUSE you're constantly trying to prove to everyone how authentically female and authentically trans you are. Because you're constantly trying to put yourself above others and prove that you're more "authentic." Because instead of building others up, all you're doing is knocking them down and trying to prove that you're better than them, complaining the whole way.

Frankly, I'm starting to be glad that I'm not a "true" transsexual according to her definition.

Nice BBQ, Carrie! 

I think we should print that article up in rolls of 2-ply myself.

I'd just vote for a good pair of scissors, or maybe a really big jar of white-out. There is some good information in there. You just have to learn what's good information and what's bitter divisive "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" bulls***.

Keep what's good, cut out what's bad.

I'm glad I read it, because it did indeed teach me some good lessons about pressing on through the "purgatory" phase where one is kinda passing but not sure. I like that advice about getting a job however mundane, volunteering somewhere, having a pet, anything to get you out of the house every single day because it forces you to keep going and to get used to just living your life, and the only way you learn the feminine mannerisms and speech patterns is through constant real-world practice.

(Kinda funny, she spends the whole article talking about how women are born, not made, and yet she openly admits that these same "true transsexuals" who were supposedly "born women" still need to learn the mannerisms and behaviors. Whatever... I've roasted this article for its endless contradictions and flawed logic already. )

I read most of Chapter 1, and frankly I enjoyed it. Yes it is bleak and extreme, the terminology seems to be from 25-30 years ago and that is why I like it. If I didn't read this particular text prior to my journey through transition, I read something very similar. I read somewhere between 40 and 50 books on transgender care and issues. I purposely sought out the most negative texts I could find and the most positive I could find. I sought out as many viewpoints as I possibly could because that was the best way for me to make informed decisions about my medical care. Yes this was extreme BS. There are many books and texts on the positive side that are just as extreme on the BS meter. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:


I am a firm believer that no one book or viewpoint is absolutely correct (in this or any situation). By reading many different viewpoints it allows us to make informed decisions.

This 'story' has been both eye opening and poison for my brain. Seriously, someone asked me how I was yesterday and I just ran to the loos and cried. Is this what its all going to be like? Is it a helpless cruel lifelong torture? It has shook me up to address some of the things I kinda knew and scared the living daylights out of me.
:-/

@AllisonSteph Chapters two and three are much worse.

Personally I am at the beginning of her stage three. Some of what she said is true and others are not. I still have friends but they are very different to the friends I had, but I have brought some with me. I have members of my family who are OK with me, but yes, when I drove past my dad in his car yesterday it still made me emotional. I am not sure how love-matters will be going forward, and I don't even know what I can hope for. That scares me.

I personally agree that it is probably healthy to get out and get a job though Carrie. Though I have a job that I transitioned in that I wont give up as its quite well paid and the work is good, I took on another job as a waitress that I am stealth in and, though the work is tough it has taught me a lot, plus having guys ask for your number all the time is a bit of a boost.

She does write a lot of crap though about who meets the requirements and is allowed coveted membership of  (dur dah dun dun....) the sisterhood (gasp ... sideways looks). It scared me as I measured myself up in every way and although I am a very good fit, anything that didn't align or left doubt that I would not measure ut, meant she was saying I will end up topping myself alone. I believe stick the gun to your head now, was how she put it somewhere in chapter 2.

Time to let it go and move on forward.

Bravo Carrie for reading through all of it so that many of us don't have to.  And for takin the time out to deconstruct her arguments.

I couldn't bring myself to read chapter 1 deeply, let alone the rest - it was toxic vitriol for me. As I said before, the way it's written, the good points she makes are lost in the noise.

Personally, I need no validation, save for myself, and my God.

Kira : Oh, honey, no. Look at all the people right here saying that they transitioned and are HAPPY.   It's possible not to lose friends, family, or job; it's possible to be imperfect and still go on to live a happy, fulfilling life. I feel sorry for her and her misery, but she's NOT the only life story out there, no matter what she says.

thank you x

Kira, don't think about it in terms of loss, but all you have to gain. Think of all the new friendships and experiences you'll have now that you're being you. The authentic you is a very beautiful person with a charming, engaging personality. And I think you're rather cute, too.

Transition is like anything else in life, the outcome is extremely individualized and unpredictable. Don't let one person's bad experience ruin yours. I think you're going to be just fine.

I'm deeply sorry if posting this link has caused distress to anyone, and I'm impressed by the posts that have challenged and deconstructed the bleakness of the piece (especially Carrie!).

Like Allisonsteph I'm in the 'read as much as possible and get as many viewpoints as you can' camp.  I find the writing less condescending than impassioned, pleading with the reader to consider what they are about to do very, very carefully.  I guess we all read things differently. 

On my part, despite inevitable ups and downs, I'm much happier about life than I have ever been before now that I am transitioning.  My SO is my biggest supporter, my friends are with me and from the support I've received from colleagues I've come out to the chances of being able to transition in my current job seem to be fairly high.  HRT is being good to me, and I'm generally strong enough to not let getting clocked bother me.  I am thankful for all of these things because I know that things could have been much worse.  The article in the link prepared me for the worse, and the better that I have is sweeter for that warning.

Good luck to everyone in your transition, and I hope you all find the happiness you deserve.

Quote from: Joan on July 12, 2014, 09:58:42 AM
I find the writing less condescending than impassioned, pleading with the reader to consider what they are about to do very, very carefully.  I guess we all read things differently.

The fact that she constantly uses the word "hun" in this article to talk down to people says it all to me. That tone is basically saying "you don't know anything, you poor pathetic wannabe trans girl. I am above you! And I know the truth."

Quote from: Carrie Liz on July 12, 2014, 11:49:32 AM
The fact that she constantly uses the word "hun" in this article to talk down to people says it all to me. That tone is basically saying "you don't know anything, you poor pathetic wannabe trans girl. I am above you! And I know the truth."

I find it curious that so many seem to accept the author as a transgender or even as female . once again I could be way off, but to just except an author who puts out an essay without any name other then unknown . I'm just speculating this could be some one that thinks transgender shouldn't exist or force those in extreme depression over the nonreturnable  edge I don't mean to be mean spirited , but it's this persons fault for not leaving their essay open for criticism other then to an unnamed author. Again , I could be way off base and if so I'm sorry, it's just my opinion.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on July 12, 2014, 09:07:38 AM
Kira : Oh, honey, no. Look at all the people right here saying that they transitioned and are HAPPY.   It's possible not to lose friends, family, or job; it's possible to be imperfect and still go on to live a happy, fulfilling life. I feel sorry for her and her misery, but she's NOT the only life story out there, no matter what she says.

Kira, I agree with what Jenna says above. You yourself know your a beautiful woman. Yes, we all have our individual degrees of highs and lows during transition but that's what makes us individuals. I try and focus on how much happier I am now that I'm finally living my life as who I am, and not some pretender. You should as well. None of us need anyone's approval of who we are individually, or more comparisons to other peoples lives, ie: this poor Author. We all had enough of that while pretending to be and live as someone we're not.

Just be you and be happy, and take this article for what it is -one woman's experience. Nothing more.

Best wishes
Hugs
Ally

According to the author I am a fake transsexual... and you know what if she's whats considered a true transsexual than im proud not to be what she is...

Quote from: katiej on July 11, 2014, 12:19:40 PM.......  And those who transitioned 25+ years ago seem to all be on a mission to let us know how horrific this whole thing is, because that was their experience.

Don't be tarring us all with the same brush!

Quote from: Northern Jane on July 12, 2014, 06:52:29 PM
Don't be tarring us all with the same brush!

I ran out of tar. How about I grease & spoon you instead?

I really don't think this was written 25+ years ago, given that she talks about the internet.

I just read chapter 1. It is a person's journey. I see trans sex workers every week and an thankful I have support. Although I have lived a hell others have had it much worse.

Susan's, an intake at Mazzoni and then therapy saved my life. December 2013 was so bad I though for sure I would not make it. The past year just keeps getting better. I am truly lucky and I say that from the relative comparison of others I see and talk to. I am coming from 0 so onward and upward. 

Quote from: Pikachu on July 12, 2014, 07:59:30 PM
I really don't think this was written 25+ years ago, given that she talks about the internet.

I had dial up internet (though back then it wasn't called the internet) in 1986, but I see your point though. It's the way she talks about the internet.

Ally

It was written in about 2004 or so according to the article itself. It cites violence and murders done in 2002, and talks about it like it was fairly recent, so go figure.