Well, men usually treat me differently from how women do. Am I supposed to pretend that doesn't happen?

Quote from: Hypatia on September 11, 2007, 06:56:32 AM
Well, men usually treat me differently from how women do. Am I supposed to pretend that doesn't happen?

Thank you so much for writing this. How we treat the world is only half the equation, it's also how the world treats us. Goes both ways.

ciao,
Gina M.

Quote from: regina on September 10, 2007, 10:18:36 AM

Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on September 10, 2007, 12:14:32 AM
When you say that you treat men and women the same, it doesn't mean that you treat men like women, and women like men.  It just means in the way you treat them, gender is not a defining charastetic in terms of how you will interact with them.

I discriminate more in terms of sense of humor, political leanings, religious beliefs, and those sorts of things.  I probably have close to a 50/50 split in terms of male friends to female friends, and I can't really think of much in the way of how I treat them. 

If you identify yourself as a lesbian (which you do in your profile), then it would seem you're already dealing with genders differently. If you're more sexually interested in one gender than another, how can you not treat that gender differently? The mere fact that one gender provides you with a pool of people you could be attracted to and the other gender doesn't is a big difference right there.

Well I don't know if I'm a lesbian or not.  I think I may be pansexual, because I can see the beauty and be attracted to anyone regardless of gender expression.  Though I mean, I don't have the biggest sex drive anyways, so it's usually not a factor in my dealings with people.  But certainly if I'm romantically attracted to someone, vs. not, I'm going to act differently.  But that's not a gendered thing.  That's to do with attraction.

Quote
Yes, I filter friends by their sense of humor, politics, spiritual views, taste and style, whether they have kids or not, depth of understanding and certain common interests. But I also totally filter them by gender.  I do allow a lot of leeway for that individual and what our relationship is. Sometimes we have certain things in common (kids) and other things not in common.

I mean, I definitely like, will note gender expression at times, but gender is not a primary thing for setting how i deal with people.  There are other aspects that influence me to a much greater degree in determining how I treat others.  To the extent that I can't really think of many ways in which I treat either gender.

Do you treat men and women differently?
No..

Are you more comfortable around members of your own gender?
Which is?

Or members of the opposite gender?
I get on with both genders.....but mostly better with women...

Are there things you won't say around members of a certain gender?
No.

Subjects you avoid?
Talking about myself...

Behaviours you avoid?
Agressive people.....


Are there certain activities (other than the obvious ) you would rather engage in with members of a certain gender? If so, why?
What is the obvious? you don't know me so I might not have an obvious activity...


If you feel you treat members of both genders the same, why do you think you do this? Are there any exceptions?
I don't treat everyone the same and too much enphasis is put on gender....some men are different to other men....some women are different to other women..

Everyone is equal in my life no matter of sex,colour, sexualtiy, whatever! everyone is welcome and treated the same!

Do you treat men and women differently?
I treat women with respect like women should be treated by a man.

If so, how?
Holding doors, etc. Just be courteous.

In what ways do you treat those of your own gender differently?
Since I transitioned and I'm seen as male all the time I treat other guys more like pals now. I always longed to roughhouse and talk about guy stuff with other guys and now I can.

In what ways do you treat those of your opposite gender differently?
I'm more like a typical guy around ladies now, not like a 'lesbian'.

Are you more comfortable around members of your own gender?
Since transitioning, yes.

Or members of the opposite gender?
I don't like being around women as much.

Are there things you won't say around members of a certain gender?
No.

Subjects you avoid?
Sex, because I don't have the right plumbing yet.

Behaviours you avoid?
Nope.

Are there certain activities (other than the obvious ) you would rather engage in with members of a certain gender?
I wish I could play football like a normal guy...which is something I Never got to do.

If so, why?
I always wanted to do normal guy stuff as a child, and longed to play football.

I'm male.

Do you treat men and women differently?
If so, how?
Well, i'm more cautious around guys, but other then that not really. But I suppose given a choice between a guy and gilr to hang out with i'd choose the girl.

In what ways do you treat those of your own gender differently?
Since I assume the gender I dentify as, I guess I treat women with more trust.

In what ways do you treat those of your opposite gender differently?
I'm just more cautious around guys and don't open up as freely as I do with women.

Are you more comfortable around members of your own gender?
Very.

Are there things you won't say around members of a certain gender?
Boys shouldn't hear about girl talk.

Subjects you avoid?
I really try and avoid talking about the darker parts of my life and myself.

Behaviors you avoid?
Dancing, I don't dance and it would take someone very patient to ever convince me to.

Are there certain activities (other than the obvious Roll Eyes) you would rather engage in with members of a certain gender?
If so, why?
Not sure, I will hang out and do pretty much anything the group wants to do, within reason.

A very good question - it made me think. It opens a dozen other questions about what is exactly in the heads of the questioners? How do women feel when they are asked questions like this - because women are better at open-ended questions but are regularly shot down if they don't follow the obvious line.

How long have women experienced the differences, and when did the dual standard first appear? It's clearly sexist in origin and partially patronising because it harks back to days when women were not educated. When was it first recorded and by whom?

Some of men's behaviour grew out being raised to respect women and in spite of women not appearing as equals, women were accomplished musicians and were expert needlewomen and pastrycooks. They were superb at 'their' work that men admired , Very few women had idle hands - many trained horses, milked 50 cows and raised 15 children.

Now, when we are used to working women, divorce and abortion, we forget it's only recently that all ladies were secretive about their ages, and a glimpse of stocking was shocking. The trolls pick up an ancient fragrance from the past and are still running with it. Like the men troubled by feminism, it's they have lost the the previous status of being special because they were male.

What I'm interested in, is the direct influence that has caused the present sexist, ageist and racist society and how we all contributed to it because time has passed too quickly for us to identify our part in the international problem. We have forgotten that women were called 'girls' out of respect when they reached 'a certain age'.

What I'd like for the future is recognition of the psychological differences bewteen the sexes, and respect given to each of them. It is happening at the top end of society, but there are too many grandchildren of the Second Wave feminists still floundering about wondering where they belong.  Okay, I've said too much but you asked

H Kiera, Anti social? Nah, not hardly hon. I don't go out much where there are a lot of people but I don't believe that I am anti social, I am just a mostly at home body of my choosing. My soul mate does most of the running around doing business or shopping. I don't have any friends except for those on the web. This is again of my choosing. I certainly will not complain if a gentleman holds the door open for me or offer to help me Carry my bags to the car. Or being called Dear, Hon, Miss, Mam, sweets, or sweetheart. I think those are courtesies I believe I will always cherish, and I believe I have worked hard to deserve these terms of endearment.

As for preference of association well since I worked the better part of twenty years as a Social Worker with women I find it more comfortable talking with a woman especially about such things as feelings and emotions, men, and having babies..

Cindy

     

QuoteDo you treat men and women differently?
If so, how?
In what ways?
In what ways do you treat those of your own gender differently?
In what ways do you treat those of your opposite gender differently?

Are you more comfortable around members of your own gender?
Or members of the opposite gender?
Are there things you won't say around members of a certain gender?
Subjects you avoid?
Behaviours you avoid?
Are there certain activities (other than the obvious Roll Eyes) you would rather engage in with members of a certain gender?
If so, why?

If you feel you treat members of both genders the same, why do you think you do this?
Are there any exceptions?

I realize these things are instinctual and not things most ponder at all, but let's think about them and explore them.
Please state your gender - male, female, or androgyne. That will bring a better perspective on where you're coming from.



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Thank you for this thought-provoking topic.

Yes, I treat men and women differently.  Men and women are different so I can see no reason to treat them alike.

HRT has changed my life in ways profound that include many subtleties and shades within them.  I do not see the world as I did in my birth gender.  Grandmother Estrogen has done me wonderful favors, not among the least of which is reconnecting me with all of the generations of women who who have gone before me.  It is their collective knowledge and behaviours that I allow me to circulate in the world at-large. 

We often communicate with one another in ways too subtle for a man to detect but another woman would rarely miss, like with smiles, nods, words that have been "lipped" but remain unspoken. 

I use whatever I find appropriate for communicating with another woman.  Biological functions become a shared experience among us so we govern ourselves accordingly.  Same with child-rearing.  I've never had any children yet I feel comfortable around the children of a woman I never met and I watch out for their children in public places.

The only thing that puts me ill-at-ease is the rules for passing a handshake.  Does anyone have any ideas about that?