Hi 

So getting ahead of myself a little and imagining my life post transition, I have no apprehensions about whether I would be happy or not living as a female. I know for a fact I would be incredibly happy. 100%. But, there's the issue of fertility. Or rather the big what if question on "What if you want children later on in life?"

I don't know why it scares me so much, but being infertile (as I would inevitably be after a few months-years on HRT) just makes me go "woah, wait a minute". I know you can bank sperm, but the cost associated with it and then the cost of IVF if I do decide to have genetic children makes it seem out of reach anyway. More to the point, why am I so concerned with having genetic children? Is this just something programmed into me that I feel compelled my children MUST have my genetic makeup?

I'm not sure. Seems to be a kind of infinite loop here, as in Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of infertility -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Back to stage 1.

Did or does anyone else go through this same thought process? Struggling to find a resolution here. Thanks!

I went through a much milder but similar phase.

I didn't feel a huge emotional need to have future children be my genetic offspring, but I did consider that too few people with higher education have kids compared to those without (growing up I always complained that not enough scientists had kids). I feel I kind of owe it to my family (who payed for my education, and want me to have my own kids) and the community to pass on genetics just in case it helps society.

On the other hand I also have a 50% chance of passing on a pretty bad hereditary syndrome that I have. Though that made the decision easier. I would most likely have to do IVF in the future anyway to make sure I don't pass that along naturally.

Then my mom helped me realize that the cost is really miniscule compared to the cost of raising a child. $2k initial plus $400 per year for even 20 years is still only $10k... (I'm not including IVF fees as I'd have to do that anyway)

So basically I was at the halfway point between banking and not banking, but my family convinced me its worth it. I probably only stored enough for 1-2 children (I was in a rush to start HRT), but if I  want more kids beyond that I'd be perfectly happy adopting. In fact I may still only adopt. The sperm bank is more of a safety net.

I hope that helps at least a bit!

I feel your pain, and I actually have the same thoughts, but it's too expensive so I don't know if I can do it... Right now I think I will only adopt, but I wish I had the money to bank...

so infertility is definitely an issue for me I have always wanted to have kids, but I also want to start hrt soon. I haven't gotten any doubts to stem from that, those usually stem from me thinking about the possibility of losing my family.... anyways I think it is your inner mother wanting to come out. I really don't think that is a legit reason to doubt that you are trans. Just saying.

Sad part is at this moment in medical history its storing seman/eggs or not starting hrt till later.

One must not forget that many children need love and families all around the world. Adoption is a way to give a child(den) love of a family.

Isabell

Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of X transy thing -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Back to stage 1.


Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of X transy thing -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Realisation that non-trans people don't get stage 1.

I would say postpone hrt until you are sure. It is one of the many sacrifices of hrt.
There are many things to think about and concider when chosing this path. (chosing used very loosly here)

BTW, i also had those thoughts running through my head.

I know how you feel. Infertility is the major concern. In fact it was one of the reasons why I din't even consider to start HRT for a few years. Than I had a child with my wife and I started HRT. However we want a second child in the future so I decided to bank sperm. But I am afraid if my spouse would want to do IVF because it is not a "nice" procedure.

Quote from: Seras on July 15, 2014, 01:21:20 AM
Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of X transy thing -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Back to stage 1.


Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of X transy thing -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Realisation that non-trans people don't get stage 1.

best comment ever!!! love it<3

I was on HRT for over 2 years when I had my kid.  I was fairly certain the hrt hadn't caused me to go sterile, and stopped my antiandrogen for two weeks when we tried to conceive.  Thats all it took.

HRT will hurt your chances though. 

My therapist told me about a patient who had been on hormones for over 4 years I believe. She stopped AA for a few months and was successful. I'm glad it worked for you too!
My guess is that it isn't something done very often so there are no statistics as to how plausible having a child after hrt really is. I decided that it could be my plan C if IVF and adoption don't work out.

QuoteI'm not sure. Seems to be a kind of infinite loop here, as in Come to terms with being trans -> Scared of infertility -> Well, if you have doubts then are you sure you're trans? -> Back to stage 1.

Oh, that's exactly where I am now! The Loop of Doom. I don't have that many family left anymore, so I feel panicked that I may well be alone in the not to distant future. I don't put much faith in romantic relationships, and I feel that being blood related to living people who love you is incredibly important, as relationships like marriage co-habitation etc, and such are comparatively tenuous and short-lived these days. As my parents have been amazing to me, I'd love to be able to be a great parent to my child, plus of course, its frighteningly lonely being alone when you're old and grey!

In the end, I guess its a question of self-realisation versus external-realisation: Either become who you need to be, to the potential detriment of your future (IE: being childless or having to adopt) or take a hit, have kids and let their happiness and life make up for the loss of your preferred self. I hate that this is the sort of decision that has to be made, but ultimately it is. Happily though, there are many variables, and it can be possible to be trans, happy with yourself and have blood-related children. I know a woman who was hormones for three years (full dose), stopped for a short time, (and with medical help), managed to provide just about enough healthy sperm to conceive successfully via IVF. It was a long shot, she was VERY lucky. But sometimes indeed, you can have your cake and eat it, so to speak.

Good luck!

Quote from: mind is quiet now on July 14, 2014, 11:12:31 PM
Sad part is at this moment in medical history its storing seman/eggs or not starting hrt till later.

One must not forget that many children need love and families all around the world. Adoption is a way to give a child(den) love of a family.

Isabell

I definately agree with Isabell. Many children need loving homes and being able to bear children doesn't make you a parent, raising one and loving them does. Bearing them is just being a genetic donor and I know quite a few of those that suck at being parents.

Either way I am infertile so regardless it doesn't do me too much good. Adoption would be my only choice period.

I have absolutely no concern over infertility. I think being XXY has already nicked that, anyway. Having a kid has never appealed to me. People will always tell me, "you'll change your mind when you meet the right person." Well, I've met a few in my life that I thought was "the right person", but never once did it make having a child appealing. I wouldn't be opposed if the person I'm with had a kid, but the responsibility and the cost of raising one from scratch is just not in alignment with my life goals. And it would be sensory overload for me. I'd have a meltdown and that wouldn't be good.

If the sperm bank option is too costly, then definitely don't dismiss the idea of adopting. If you really do want a spawn of your own flesh and blood then you'll have to weigh that against the cost. Either way, it's a sacrifice of sorts, and apparently a brain racker. Best of luck.