Hi all,

I know some of you may have read in my previous posts that my girlfriend is very supportive of my transition and is really there...

But recently we have had many arguments, mostly because she didn't know how to handle my moods and low self esteem... She has tried very hard but just couldn't cope with it. After many arguments, we are not both exhausted... So I guess it's just me now.

I feel so empty inside... I always thought I was so lucky to have an amazing girlfriend who was happy about the idea of my change- about seeing me truly happy. But now she says my moods are bad. I have tried so hard to control them but I can't... I am eager to see a specialist next month but until then.. It's tricky.

I am not quite sure what to do with myself right now... I am not sure how confident I feel about transitioning either.  I am actually devastated.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, just remember that she is a human being and as happy and proud of you I'm sure she is, everyone has a limit. Sometimes our emotions can be bigger that we ever thought as trans people-sometimes we get more angry or depressed than we thought we sounded and it can cause people to become distant or become hurt. Remembering that she has her own mental health to look after might help you heal. It's normal to be upset, take as much time as you need, but also distract yourself from it. Don't dwell on your past relationship or promises. Your transition is about you, and having a support system is great, but our biggest support system is ourselves. Don't give up. Let yourself be sad for a little while-give yourself a time limit and then just make appointments so you know you need to do it.

The same thing happened to me.  She was super supportive for years... I guess maybe I got too used to her always being supportive and stopped holding back emotion in any way and what was too much for me (as I'm sure being trans is for most people in the first few years... often longer) was definitely too much for her... she broke up with me about 8 months before I had top surgery... but remained supportive.  She just couldn't commit to being with me... it all sort of faded from there.

Despite her breaking up with me I had no doubts about needing to transition... really at the time I don't think I at all believed what had happened and thought everything would turn out okay again.  That with a year and a half or so I'd have surgery and be on T and everything would be fine..... Well things got messy I suppose and here I am still alone 6 years later...  5 years later? who knows..... I suppose I could do the math

I guess the point is... Regardless of the loss, I do not regret transition.  Try not to let it get you down or prevent you from doing something you know you have to do for yourself. 

It is so hard on those we love- to transition requires turning in on oneself, questioning everything, exploring self... self, self, self...  we come out the other side eventually but it is really tricky to keep a two way relationship balanced.  Don't be hard on yourself- you are dealing with something that rates a big fat nine on the stressometer- and ontop of that you are probably not used to your new brain chemistry -  T is potent stuff.

Maybe ask her to rethink and start afresh with an escape... a holiday... a change- promise to dedicate x time to transition stuff, x time to her stuff- lighten the load a bit?  She sounds worth the effort to win back and if she made it so far maybe she wants you to get strong enough to carry your own burden and some of hers.

Geesh do I sound like a magazine agony aunt... well, best of luck!