Sweety tried to start one of those "you're wrong because you're male" type arguments. Finally, that doesn't work because I realized...

I'm not.

Went out to visit my brother at his place where we eat lunch with my dad bi-weekly. That was fun and pleasant and I did managed to talk about how my transition is coming

I dressed more femme today than I have done so far these 3 months HRT. It was a hot summer day there were plenty of people around and about wherever

Both my trip to his place and back home started well but I just start obsessing about passing/being clocked the more people I have to walk by or sit with. I want to check to know if they look at me in a piercing and searching way but I tend to get to tense to do that as the day goes on

Anyway, came home with mixed feelings and chatted a bit about it with my brother. He said sees me as me and not  really as a woman or man and said I am just forcing myself into anxiety all the time . He's supportive and we're close but I always get frustrated when talking with him

I am obsessive when it comes to passing, dont accept my male-bodied history and my mother's switch from accepting to rejection I can't cope with it everyday

HRT has made me feel alive the past 3 months but I broke down tonight and cried for the first time in 10 years.
I am calmer now but I fear it just wil never go away, I end up have everything I daydream about and end up writing a suicide note 5 years from now while life seemed perfect to all my friends and family and I withered away in obsession and guilt

I've always hated my sensitivity, my androgynous body features. I feel liked a failed male and a failed female in one body

Sorry for the rant

Quote from: YinYanga on July 19, 2014, 06:10:50 PM
Went out to visit my brother at his place where we eat lunch with my dad bi-weekly. That was fun and pleasant and I did managed to talk about how my transition is coming

I dressed more femme today than I have done so far these 3 months HRT. It was a hot summer day there were plenty of people around and about wherever

Both my trip to his place and back home started well but I just start obsessing about passing/being clocked the more people I have to walk by or sit with. I want to check to know if they look at me in a piercing and searching way but I tend to get to tense to do that as the day goes on

Anyway, came home with mixed feelings and chatted a bit about it with my brother. He said sees me as me and not  really as a woman or man and said I am just forcing myself into anxiety all the time . He's supportive and we're close but I always get frustrated when talking with him

I am obsessive when it comes to passing, dont accept my male-bodied history and my mother's switch from accepting to rejection I can't cope with it everyday

HRT has made me feel alive the past 3 months but I broke down tonight and cried for the first time in 10 years.
I am calmer now but I fear it just wil never go away, I end up have everything I daydream about and end up writing a suicide note 5 years from now while life seemed perfect to all my friends and family and I withered away in obsession and guilt

I've always hated my sensitivity, my androgynous body features. I feel liked a failed male and a failed female in one body

Sorry for the rant

It's ok hon, we all get you!

Mother and brother scoffed at the idea of working at a fast food joint for my first job, saying that that experience is useless if you want to work in a an office later down the road.

Quote from: Blue Senpai on July 19, 2014, 07:49:33 PM
Mother and brother scoffed at the idea of working at a fast food joint for my first job, saying that that experience is useless if you want to work in a an office later down the road.

Having been an employer I can assure you that they're wrong. If you wait around for the perfect job to come along you will be trumped by the HR people or manager who will question what you sat around on your ass for and did nothing rather than at least have the initiative to take on a lesser job for the time being. They will be prone to pass you over for someone who shows more initiative.

Quote from: Shantel on July 19, 2014, 08:14:08 PM
Having been an employer I can assure you that they're wrong. If you wait around for the perfect job to come along you will be trumped by the HR people or manager who will question what you sat around on your ass for and did nothing rather than at least have the initiative to take on a lesser job for the time being. They will be prone to pass you over for someone who shows more initiative.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking but they made me second guess myself in saying such things.
I can't afford to be picky anyways having no actual work experience anyways.

Would it be bad if I just omit having a Bachelor's degree on my resume for places like McDonald's, Starbucks, etc?

Quote from: Blue Senpai on July 19, 2014, 08:26:48 PM
Yeah, that's what I was thinking but they made me second guess myself in saying such things.
I can't afford to be picky anyways having no actual work experience anyways.

Would it be bad if I just omit having a Bachelor's degree on my resume for places like McDonald's, Starbucks, etc?

If you say you have it, and show any initiative at all, they'll start talking management. I worked in a Denny's one summer while going to Columbia University. They tried to talk me into a business major. I said, "why would I get an Ivy League degree to manage a Denny's?"

Quote from: Blue Senpai on July 19, 2014, 07:49:33 PM
Mother and brother scoffed at the idea of working at a fast food joint for my first job, saying that that experience is useless if you want to work in a an office later down the road.

Any experience is good it doesn't matter what field it can show that you can keep a job and work with others well so if you want to get a job in fast food go for it Hun .

Quote from: Blue Senpai on July 19, 2014, 08:26:48 PM
Yeah, that's what I was thinking but they made me second guess myself in saying such things.
I can't afford to be picky anyways having no actual work experience anyways.

Would it be bad if I just omit having a Bachelor's degree on my resume for places like McDonald's, Starbucks, etc?

I wouldn't omit it because it's evidence that you can start something and follow it through to the finish which is a valuable trait any employer would appreciate.

Quote from: Shantel on July 20, 2014, 09:23:02 AM
I wouldn't omit it because it's evidence that you can start something and follow it through to the finish which is a valuable trait any employer would appreciate.

It's hurting my chances because I'm overqualified for most entry level jobs.

Quote from: Emily.T on July 19, 2014, 11:58:40 PM
Any experience is good it doesn't matter what field it can show that you can keep a job and work with others well so if you want to get a job in fast food go for it Hun .

I do because I can work my way up but my mother is thinking of getting my brother to write a letter saying that I helped him out with working as a medical receptionist and that I know how to do it. Needless to say, most of what the letter would entail would be lying and my mom is willing to teach me how to do the job so it doesn't look that way but the fact remains is that if I get the job, I'm not going to look like I've been doing it for a year before.

A few weeks ago I told my best friend and neighboor that I am trans and that I am transitioning.

His reaction was not very good and since then we lost a lot of contact. Since that day we only talk using whatsapp and there are days where we talk almost as before, but there are days where we argue a lot. He just says he can't be my friend now because I being a girl changes everything...I really can't agree with him. I am the same person he met, just with a different presentation.

Then he invited me today to go with him to a local comix store and I got happy, thinking that he was going over it...but as soon as he saw my "new hair" (I had it styled last week) he changed his mind and decided to go alone to the store...

Quote from: Natalia on July 20, 2014, 12:41:23 PM
A few weeks ago I told my best friend and neighboor that I am trans and that I am transitioning.

His reaction was not very good and since then we lost a lot of contact. Since that day we only talk using whatsapp and there are days where we talk almost as before, but there are days where we argue a lot. He just says he can't be my friend now because I being a girl changes everything...I really can't agree with him. I am the same person he met, just with a different presentation.

Then he invited me today to go with him to a local comix store and I got happy, thinking that he was going over it...but as soon as he saw my "new hair" (I had it styled last week) he changed his mind and decided to go alone to the store...

Ughh, painful to be rejected like that, pretty rude from his part too: you make a date and regardless of your arguments you either cancel it beforehand or just don't....very weak that he did that

Anything, everything and nothing. Also more and more leaning towards trying starving myself again.

Quote from: Blue Senpai on July 20, 2014, 09:29:26 AM
It's hurting my chances because I'm overqualified for most entry level jobs.

I do because I can work my way up but my mother is thinking of getting my brother to write a letter saying that I helped him out with working as a medical receptionist and that I know how to do it. Needless to say, most of what the letter would entail would be lying and my mom is willing to teach me how to do the job so it doesn't look that way but the fact remains is that if I get the job, I'm not going to look like I've been doing it for a year before.

That is the only problem with lying on a resume most ppl do it but you can get caught out if you can't actually do what you have said you can do

Waking up.

Quote from: Emily.T on July 22, 2014, 05:36:00 AM
That is the only problem with lying on a resume most ppl do it but you can get caught out if you can't actually do what you have said you can do

Yes, that's what I was afraid of happening.

THIS made me very unhappy today. (Major understatement!) https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=169850.new#new

Just to be clear the link should take you to the opening post.

My leg is acting up again. It is a good thing that canes don't care if you ignore them at times.

Quote from: LordKAT on July 23, 2014, 03:13:47 AM
My leg is acting up again. It is a good thing that canes don't care if you ignore them at times.

I had to hobble along with a cane several years ago until I got my knee replaced with a peachy keen titanium unit. What's going on with your leg Kat?

I'm an f-ing idiot and everything is going to fall to pieces.