Why do we post and why do we reach out? Easy answer. Human beings are social beings and we seek out others most like ourselves. For a lot of us Susan's is the place. I mean usually who else can we relate to and I mean really relate to other than other people that feel the same as we do or as close to the same as unique individuals can. We can share our experiences and feelings with one another when most of the rest of society hasn't got a clue as to how we feel or how to help us or make us feel better. So we lean on each other no matter faceless or see the faces but there is a heartfelt fellowship and unconditional acceptance of who we are here. For some of us the only people that know our ->-bleeped-<- is people on this sight. So really, if we don't have each other some of us literally have no one else to open up to and just feel normal for a while.

Personally I believe if anyone deserves Sainthood it is Susan. I don't know her personally, never PMed her or her me and never really even talked to her in other posts, but Bless her for her idea of this sight. And I am not sucking up to the owner. It's just the experiences here have helped a lot of people that would have not have made it otherwise. You see it in a lot of new members that are truly at the ends of their ropes with the last string about to break. Even some of the older members need to lean on someone every now and then so we help each other. Even gender therapist may know about it but unless they themselves are not transgender, even they can't relate like somone who is.

Another reason I am here is because I feel a bit obsessed about being transgender and transitioning.  Friends and family need a break from my "trans talk" and here you, dear reader, can simply hit the next button or ignore a thread completely.  We can spend hours and days of our lives learning from the expeience of others.   I feel a sense of freedom to explore, consider other perspectives and inhabit whole new worlds of thought.   Well moderated (thank you) this is also a relatively safe place.  People do get hot about some subjects like political discourse but there is far more support especially when we are in some downward spiral and need that hand up.

So much of my experience was, for decades, all in my head.  No language or venue existed for safely sharing what once seemed so shameful and freaky.  Now, well, we can obviously just let it roll (I often feel like I'm gushing) and thereby help shape our views of ourselves and how we fit in community--real time and right here.  You, dear friends, are a wealth and treasure of knowledge and experience.  Thank you!

Quote from: Ativan Prescribed on July 19, 2014, 07:58:24 PM
I try to join in by making my own comments, hoping to be able to add something of value to a discussion.
I guess that's why i post, hoping to be able to reach out and touch someones life in a positive way, just like yours do.
I failed miserably at that yesterday... and again today. I didn't really want to post anything more, anywhere else.
But I've read and reread this line of thought and I have nothing to add, you've all said it in ways that are more than what I can add to it.
Ativan

Sweetie, you do not know how much you affected my life, do you dear?  None of us really know, as you have pointed out to me many times.

I once said a kind word to a girl in college and just liked her for being her, no strings, no romance, but I validated her.  Someone else used her, impregnated her, and she was going to suicide out.  Years later, I found out the reason she did not suicide, was because she knew a (then guy) who valued and liked her, and that was the only shred of self esteem she had to hold on to. 

How can anyone forget something like that?

There is not bad post except a post that is disrespectful of anothers gender identity, and even then, it is an example of the extremes of gender dysphoria taken to the level of blinding ourselves to anothers needs.  Calling for compassion and not retribution, understanding instead of reaction, and "there but for the grace of God go I".

I suffer intensly from time to time.  So what.  I am still here, and I will take as many people with me into survival and loving health as I can.  Its not being a cheerleader (wish I had one of those suits), it is being a warrior.

Love to all here.  Never be afraid to post, how you look, feeling dumb, none of it.  Reach out.  Many are here to help or to be helped. Some ego stroke, it is impossible not to have some of that we are human, some are humble and try hard, many are terrified, and many, many are desperately lonely seeking someone that gets it, that actually can understand the pain, the joy, the isolation,and  the other "positive gifts of trans", which will be born in another thread I think as a topic.  Yummm.

Nobody knows the real effect their lives has on others, but we know we are few and we need to bind together to live meaningful, joyous and free lives.  Ativan knows this well, we need to know it applies to us and to others, we are not excluded ever from the life we live in this place and on the earth and at home.

Blessings.

I really believe what I write here, this is no joke.  I am what you see in these threads, and also there are other facets too, but they are irrelevent.  Until they are not irrelevent, then those facets will be revealed too, fatherhood, parenting, sacrifice, not fitting in, and all the other stuff the normal's, if there is such a thing, face on a day to day basis, as do we.

Love to all here.

The idea of triune yranssexuality came from a post ftom ativan bouy quietingself to discover gender.  I separated physical dhsphoria ,core and social and all changed.  One comme nt triggers the authemntic core and lots lohys of iceas .  I cant type on this phonfe.  More layer


Phone thing is hysterical. Going to leave it up.   I am trying to say, a single sentence in a thread has lifechanging possibilities, a single kind word in a crisis will do the same, and I learn so much from all of you, you completely redefined and reshaped my transexuality into something positive and not to be feared.  YOU did that.  Therapy was good, but acceptance and self acceptance came from this board.  In both the mtf and non binary sections, but here, I am more able to fit in right.

I know of nowhere else where this is true.

Quote from: Jera on July 18, 2014, 04:51:12 PM
I feel very similar to you, Alex, being new here myself.

If I might help even one person find their way off the path of depression and suicide I've found myself on, then my life will have some meaning, whatever else may come.

That there IS such a community as this was kind of a revelation for me, since I've been completely alone for so long. It's a huge relief to be able to express things that are important to me without facing hostility. I don't really know anyone here very well yet, but I think I might like to.

So maybe I'll stick around, and that's why I'll keep posting.

Hey there Jera

Stick around and please keep posting   It takes a long time to make the friends, and then all of a sudden, you find out someone has been following your threads and the bond begins.  Sometimes faster, sometimes slower.  I was very surprised when someone responded, when someone pm'd, when another offered to stay up all night on the board while I was in the middle of a mental breakdown caused by the error of assuming that all transsexuals would inevitably through progression have to go full time - I no longer believe this, not for the non binary that is not fooling themselves into that position.  But Jessica offered to stay up all night, Miss Julie was ready to fly across county if need be, another dear friend tried to call me from Australia where my phone does not do international call.  All because I posted I was losing my mind.  And there have been others.

But too much about me.  Way too much.  There are so many wonderful topics in the histories here, so much wisdom, so much understanding, that anyone who is trans non binary is going to find great value and much substance to wrap what in my case is a trans- obsessive mind into who we are and who you are.

So hang in with us Dear.... its not all about crisis stuff either. 

Enjoy

I appologize for being all over the board like this and especially for shifting the focus off of everyone and more onto my own ideas by shear overwhelming of words. 

It bubbles out like champagne sometimes though.  The good and the gunk.

I have a long way to go to get away from self centered posting.  blah.

Sorry dear ones.

I have loved the responses on this thread and everyone in it.

Blessings

People of good character who have experienced difficult times and much pain will often reach out and help others who are going though similar difficulties.

We have good character.

Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: Ativan Prescribed on July 19, 2014, 07:58:24 PM
I try to join in by making my own comments, hoping to be able to add something of value to a discussion.
I guess that's why i post, hoping to be able to reach out and touch someones life in a positive way, just like yours do.
I failed miserably at that yesterday... and again today. I didn't really want to post anything more, anywhere else.

I'm gonna slap you with a wet trout for saying that!

The truth - I'm not as same as I seem, aka, I'm not all here (quoting the Cheshire Cat)

Two and a half years ago, I was feeling pretty dysphoric, and felt like I might need to go back into therapy.  Your posts, along with a few others (JamieD, Eva Marie) prompted me to seek low dose HRT.

Those ladies and you saved me a lot of time from head shrinking.  I fronted back to my treating gender GP, asked if I could go on low dose, he fished out the last report from my psych, said yeah, go see the endo who promptly put me on low dose HRT, and I've been very stable since.

So if you dare say that your posts have no worth again, I'm coming after you.

I came back after 30 years "in the woodwork" because the Internet made it possible without 'coming out' to everyone who knows me. I went through all this over 40 years ago and it almost cost me my life many times. I remember how hard it was, the ignorance, and the lack of understanding. I remember how many (TS) friends I lost back then, the ones who didn't make it. But I DID make it to The Promised Land so if I could help anyone else, I wanted to be here, particularly for the young people.

The male is out on this one.

Sometimes we have deeply troubled trans in here posting, and they can trigger others of us with our own issues.  Example I suffer from anxiety, and a low bottom alcoholic, am cross addicted, and have my whole life at stake in getting this absolutely right as I don't think I would survive a lost marriage. Maybe and maybe not, but it would be catastrophic.

When we get the unbalanced, whether self serving looking for attention, controlled by fear, by anger, by their past hurts.... we need to somehow be there for them without falling victim to the potential triggers that will bring us down if we get too close or involved. 

Some of us are controllers, managers, people with experience leading others in help groups.  We have to know when to let go... that is not easy to do, for we desire to help, we know the paths.

Triggers are why I am not on the mtf forum, while having an mtf body from the neck down.   I can't handle it over there.  The fear and the pain of others takes me out.  You wind up putting me back together.

I have to go I could get fired for posting while working, but this was so important I am taking the risk.

The key is what is at stake.  Our lives may be at stake.  Being isolated may be at stake.  Those are high stakes.  So we must disregard personalities and focus on our core principals in hopes that it helps, while extending compassion and acknowledging some are sicker than others and all need help.

We need to be careful both for our sake and for others.

I must continue, this old windbag got cranked up as a result of some deep concerns for loved ones here on the forum.

We seem to have different functions but are part of a family that is almost larger than life itself and transcends all kinds of things.  Yet as with any family there are issues, dynamics, dysfunctional aspects, all that is part of living a life that is genuine through the written word and its great power.

I see different personalities emerging.  We have the sages, with the knowledge and wisdom of tested time, our mentors, our heros of trans, we have the oldtimers, straight to the point and tired of bul...s.t, the intercessors who go after the crisis, the admins who do such a great job and who are so endangered of burn out, the encouragers who warm our hearts and keep us going, all of us having a place and a function and a purpose,  and of course we have the newbies and the desperate, giving us a purpose for living and passing on the experiential knowledge so freely given to us.

Every one of you is critically important to our life as responsible, caring men and women of trans.  Some of you may not feel this, but feelings are not facts.  Feelings are feelings and they hurt or help, but all of us have them and they are deep and often very fragile.

But when it gets to giving help, we need to know when its time to let go.  We need to know when to breathe and be fed and not feed, but not disengage either, too many of us are too dependant on knowing the others are there for us and we panic if we think we are going to lose one of our support system people, who we have grown to love and depend on sometimes for our sanity, for our self exteem, or for our validity as trans.

So if you fit one of those functions, and as non binaries we don't do boxes LOL but if you identify with it, love it.

I want to help here, but I cannot help all, my role is my role.  What is your role in the forum?  Mine I think is to stir up the deep things of trans, to call to love, to extend healing hands, to offer a spiritual solution when it is requested by moving to that place in the forum where I am free to gush on that, and to call it when I see something that I have seen before in other applications that are not trans but are also life and death support groups.

Whats your calling people of trans?  How can you give to Susans but avoid the triggers and burn outs and dangers we inherently have of overcoming what for many was hell before therapy, with healing paramount first, and then once whole again, spirits of love and laughter ready to set this place on fire with your light and joy.

I so love being trans.  And I love all of you, some deeply because we know each other, and some just because you are one of us and part of something great and big, even if I don't engage because it is for others to reach out to the hurting or needy while I stay silent and preserving of my own sanity.

Time for someone else to post here, I am too dominant on this thread.  But I had so much to say...

Nails OUT and clear polished, Hair AVAILABLE AND READY, dress waiting for the right moment,  and genderqueer now, here at work even though its played down and gently presented,  and proud as heck being an authentic genderqueer transwoman too.  Or whatever the heck I am, for there are no boundaries there in my soul, only in presentations for the sake of those who love me in the now.

Blessings my dears, blessings love and joy.  Smell the roses and be free. 

I post here for two reasons. I am still trying to figure out this aspect of me and talking to others like me seems to be helping me do that. I have a pretty good understanding of this now, largely from responses to my posts. Thank you. I also post sometimes to help others that are encountering similar issues that I have had, in hopes my opinion helps.

Quote from: Tessa James on July 20, 2014, 11:16:13 AM
Another reason I am here is because I feel a bit obsessed about being transgender and transitioning.  Friends and family need a break from my "trans talk" and here you, dear reader, can simply hit the next button or ignore a thread completely.  We can spend hours and days of our lives learning from the expeience of others.   I feel a sense of freedom to explore, consider other perspectives and inhabit whole new worlds of thought.   Well moderated (thank you) this is also a relatively safe place.  People do get hot about some subjects like political discourse but there is far more support especially when we are in some downward spiral and need that hand up.

So much of my experience was, for decades, all in my head.  No language or venue existed for safely sharing what once seemed so shameful and freaky.  Now, well, we can obviously just let it roll (I often feel like I'm gushing) and thereby help shape our views of ourselves and how we fit in community--real time and right here.  You, dear friends, are a wealth and treasure of knowledge and experience.  Thank you!

Tessa,
Once again girlfriend you have taken the words out of my mouth.  Maybe it is because I'll be two years on HRT in a week, but there is some pretty serious reflection and obsessing going on.  I'm afraid I'm a bit of a bore - or at least would be if most of my friends both here and in the real world weren't either candidates for beatification or trans chicks who yack almost as much as I do.  I come and go from Susan's, but here I find inspiration and fellowship, knowledge and beauty.  I'm not sure what I would have done if these forums did not exist.  Here I have found friendship, understanding and love.  Here I have found a niche where I can talk about existential thoughts and feelings and where I am not only welcomed but accepted.  Here I can occasionally even change a life (sometimes just my own).  For these and a thousand other things, I give thanks.
j

SJ,
I was going to quote a post of yours here, then another, then I got confused, then I got overwhelmed.  You are amazing my sister, ideas flow from you like an irrepressible waterfall.  May It always be so.  I love you.
j

Aisla,
Thank you for your thoughts, you amaze me. Sometimes I am teary after reading your reflections.  You know, it is a good thing you live in OZ or I would just follow you around like a star struck groupie.  I might jump on a jet and do just that if I can find my damn passport.
j

Something struck me this morning, thinking about some of what had been going on lately in this section.
There is a reason I do post, not always, but one that is important to me.
It's raising the possibilities for some who may need a more broader look at just what's out there.
For some people it's difficult at times, just plain near impossible sometimes.
Things are going wrong, things aren't going as planned, just not right sometimes.
We most always have suggestions, there is usually a pretty good supply.
I sometimes am concerned that someone may not be able to realize that there is always another possibility.
Not that all of them are going to be better or simply another version of the usual.
It's important to be able to know they are there, whether you need them right now or not.
Being marginalized can have a way of stunting the outward look that there are other possible solutions than we might see.
That's different than a suggestion of something that may work. It's being able to utilize what is there.
The ability to be able to look at things and find those possible answers and know they can be found.
Depression and such limits this in many ways as does a lot of different things at different times in our lives.
The bottom line of the question I asked of what are you going to do today?
It's an important question to ask ourselves when things seem bogged down.
It not one to be answered so much as it is one to ask, to know if there is something you can be doing for yourself, and for others.
It's one that begs for the next question, what can I do today? Think of the possibilities.

Possibilities. They revolve around us all the time, sometimes invisibly or so it may seem.
Just to be able to understand that there is always a way, whether good or hard to do, even a bad way to get moving again, that they exist.
We come up with a lot of suggestions, but if they don't seem to fit who they are for, then what? Possibilities.
I post while thinking this at times I suppose and fail to make that distinction clear. A missed opportunity.
I may not have the right answer, I just can't think of one. But I always know that one exists, whether I can see it right now or not.
I have my own strategies that work for me most of the time.
It's important for each of us to have these kinds of things, our strategies that do work.

I said the other day something about it not being what you do or even how you do it, it the way you do it.
It's not enough to know there are going to be suggestions, even the ones on how to do something.
It's important to know that there is a way to do it. What good is a suggestion if there isn't a way to do it?
Not that the suggestions are out of place, not by any means, you need to know there are also ones that will be a way for you.
Sometimes the best suggestions are just that. Not the answer to your problem, but a way to go about fixing that problem.
To be able to fix them yourself. Reading the comments and finding one that works for you is a start.
To be able to continue that is even better. A way that is going to work most of the time for you is an achievement that is for you to find.

Possibilities, I post sometimes in the hope that is all someone might need. Simply a way.
Because the rewards for that person are greater than any suggestion on how to do it.
Ativan

Quote from: JulieBlair on July 24, 2014, 01:55:05 PM
Aisla,
Thank you for your thoughts, you amaze me. Sometimes I am teary after reading your reflections.  You know, it is a good thing you live in OZ or I would just follow you around like a star struck groupie.  I might jump on a jet and do just that if I can find my damn passport.
j

Julie

Blushing furiously.  What can I say?   When I join these threads, my heart sings and my soul soars.  I think it is meeting with kindred spirits.  There are many wise and generous souls who tarry a while and bring much delight and learning.  It  is as though their vibration causes me to reach a similar pitch.  There is celebration in our meeting and merging.  I always feel enriched and growth from these encounters.  I suspect that I am the groupie, and you are the teacher.  I confess that I am often struck in awe of your courage, insight and learning.

While I like and am fascinated by folk in general, this community is indeed a very special place.  Perhaps it is the pain and the difficulties we have faced, in finding ourselves and in unburdening our spirits, but like recognises like.   We have found Susans and we have found each other.   Perhaps this isn't by chance.   Perhaps this is pre destined and a renewal of past connection. Either way we turn to each other as flowers turn towards the sun.   It really does feel that we nourish, sustain, protect and cherish each other.

Julie, you and so many others have brought so much to me and I suspect, to so many others.  We are blessed indeed and this is a very good thing.

I do need to return to the great NW.  It has been a while and indeed far too long since I last visited the Emerald State.  So from one Susans groupie to another

Safe travels

Aisla