So, hi girls.

I must admit - I say many times to myself that I'm going to try to present in a more feminine way, and try new things. But I basically have no courage. Two months ago I shaped my eyebrows but messed them horribly, and now that they're back, I have to courage to do it again.

I want to start experimenting with makeup and feminine accessories, but I have no courage to just go buy them. I'm afraid to ask the store clerks for help and that they'll keep looking at me like I'm some weird species, they would possibly even be clueless to whether I am a boy or a girl physically because of my voice (I have been asked this question).

I already shave my body regularly, though many times with razors because depilatory creams seem not to work they ust get half the job done, and it's horrible. I possibly don't know how to use them correctly. Although I don't have much hair on arms, I want to get rid of it too, and yet no courage for it.

I really don't understand why I am like this, as if I'm afraid of change, or something.

Everybody's afraid of change. It's completely normal. And transitioning and even the little things like plucking your eyebrows, take a lot of courage. I had the same problem, but I just did it. I plucked my eyebrows, started buying women's clothes before I was even on hormones and have worn makeup most of my adult life, though a minimal nude looks, which is what I prefer with just a hint of highlighting and shimmer. Though sometimes, I am much more of a blush slut. Mainly, I'm a total eyeliner girl now, and left the house without yesterday and nearly cried. But I improvised with brown shadow and a small eyeliner brush. A girl's gotta be resourceful.

But don't worry. You'll get there. No need to rush things, just do them when you feel comfortable. Honestly, maybe not. I just kind of started doing it and was so so so so nervous, but never received weird looks and it all worked out. You could wait to you start HRT and started passing, even if minimally if it is too hard. But eventually, you'll have to start tip-toeing into the cold water and then just dunk yourself under and immerse yourself into the waters like a mermaid who just wants to be a regular girl. < *see what I did there! He he he I used to watch that movie non-stop with my two BFFs, Julia and Becky, when we were 13.*

Yea Auro I'm in the exact same position as you. Although I don't think my fear comes from buying makeup and clothes. It's ya know being SEEN in them by family members. Even though my dad knows about it all I just can't comprehend how I'd feel if he walked in and I was trying on makeup and ->-bleeped-<-.

But yea totally just gonna order some ->-bleeped-<- online as soon as I get paid which should be in the next couple of days. Watch some yoooutube vids to get some basic knowledge on what makeup I'll need. Get some uni sex clothes to start with ya know. Small steps, things that I can wear and if I don't look like a female people won't be like OMG! THAT GUY IS WEARING A DRESS!

So yea gonna just start small steps, order stuff, make sure I get to the post first. And try it on when people are out of the house.

As for presenting in public, honestly? I'd rather present in public than in my own house. My fear is my family seeing the change. I would much rather dress up at a friends house, go out to a pub we don't normally go to and things would be fine.

But yea let me know what you decide to do or what you've done cause ya in a similar stage to me. But seriously just buy something. A few things to start with and once you get over the first hump it'll most likely become a snowball. Become much easier to gain momentum.

Mod edit: language

Quote from: Auroramarianna on July 22, 2014, 12:12:51 PM
I want to start experimenting with makeup and feminine accessories, but I have no courage to just go buy them. I'm afraid to ask the store clerks for help and that they'll keep looking at me like I'm some weird species, they would possibly even be clueless to whether I am a boy or a girl physically because of my voice (I have been asked this question).

If you go to a store like Sephora for makeup, DON'T WORRY about it. People in that store see guys there all the time wanting makeup. I've seen lots of super SUPER gay guys working in makeup stores and girl stores and everybody's willing to help you out. If you don't wanna ask for help, test makeup on your wrist to see how it compares with your skin tone before you buy it.

QuoteI already shave my body regularly, though many times with razors because depilatory creams seem not to work they ust get half the job done, and it's horrible. I possibly don't know how to use them correctly. Although I don't have much hair on arms, I want to get rid of it too, and yet no courage for it.

That hair removal cream SUCKS. I gave up on it because it was too expensive, irritating, and got nowhere near close a shave as actually shaving did. Hair removal on arms... my brother does that, and he's straight & cis.

Quote from: Blue Rabbit on July 22, 2014, 01:11:37 PM
comprehend how I'd feel if he walked in and I was trying on makeup and ->-bleeped-<-.

I'd rather present in public than in my own house.

Mod edit: language

Faecal material makes for really bad make-up and putting make-up on whilst copulating is really quite challenging, especially liquid eye-liner. 

I was reasonably terrified WAY back when. Start with something all but invisible - transparent mascara for example.  Then as Blue Rabbit says, add things a little at a time, as you feel comfortable.  Before you know it you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

Rosie

Thanks everyone for the replies

Joanna, I admire that courage, I can't do it myself or bring myself around because I do not have much support in that way, so it's hard, I have to do all by myself. But I will bring myself around it. I guess I could start with accessories? I have tried on makeup, but the makeup case and it doesn't have everything, was old so it's not very useful. Oh, and I love the Little Mermaid and I totally see what you did there, we're totally Ariel

Blue Rabbit - Yes, I also fear that. Obviously people have already caught me with shaved legs, and my mother stated that "it's not a normal thing for boys to do", I am already out to her and I am afraid that my family will reveal their ugliest side to me as I come terms with myself.

Thanks, Honeypot and Hideyoshi! I agree, sometimes it's all in our heads, though this is easier said than done, but I will try

Another idea would be to use my favorite line, "I'm getting some jewelry (or make-up, or clothes, whichever is topical) for my Mom/friend/girlfriend. Can I get some help?" Then insert your own sizes where necessary. The only time this becomes difficult is buying make-up like foundation that has to match your skin tone. I've used that so many times it's not even funny.

My first time buying fingernail polish was later at night. I had something else I had to buy in that area. I started with that and stopped for about 30 seconds to grab something. I didn't even care too much about the color.
then I had a happy accident. Normally I close all the curtains when I'm in full girl mode, but I forgot. I was about to drop everything and close them, but I realized that while a handful of people might be able to see me, I also said I didn't care. This was a huge confidence booster
next day I wore a denim skirt in public thinking people might mistake it for shorts. I don't know if they did or not, but it too was a huge confidence builder. Unfortunately the next day I got spotted by a teenager who did everything possible to invade my privacy. I knew then I had to come out on the neighborhood Facebook page or rumors would get started. I was shocked at how supportive and accepting everyone was. I didn't expect that at all.
I also knew this meant telling my other 2 sisters . Unfortunately they didn't take the news as well, but I think its going to be ok in the end.

Oh, I forgot about buying makeup. Two words: self-checkout counter. Of course, you'll have to peruse the makeup isle, but if you do it at the right time of day, or night, no one's there, and the clerks won't care, especially if it's at night. They just want to get out of there. Just have some stuf fin mind when you get there and grab it. Personally, I'm on a nude kind of glowing look as far foundation/powder is concerned right now, so I'm all about Physician's Formula. Great stuff. But for blush I really lovelovelove FACESTUDIO and those pretty little blush tubes/sticks it sells. I mean who thought about that pretty packaging and in a tube! Pure. Genius. Lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner is all just basic unless your an eyeliner slut, which I am, but I'm also a basic b!tch so yeah. You could get all this stuff in a carry cart at CVS in what five minutes. If not three.

Think of it this way, every day you delay is another day you won't know what it's like to live as the person you know yourself to be.

Start small, start simple.

Although I hate it when people tell me "I'm brave for being trans" I have to admit there is a lot of courage required in the initial transition stages to start acquiring the things we need to start the process. Once you start doing it though you realise what a zero deal it is. I bought some things online, other things, including nail polish, hair accessories, panty hose and even knickers/underpants I just bought in a large supermarket. The checkout person is usually that hassled they don't care what you're buying or who you potentially might be buying it for anyway - besides it's none of their business. Even better if the store has a DIY checkout. If anyone does ask then say it's for your girlfriend.

The trick is to look and act confident, if you look like you're about to commit a major crime then everyone will think you're up to no good.

Going with a friend really helped my courage out. I suggest if you can get some people who support you to come with you while you do stuff initially it will really make it much easier.

I also look to role models who I imagine in those situations, like if you go to this page: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,169690.0.html on my post those are my role models, and I try to imagine them in this scenario, of course they wouldn't be worried at all about doing something as simple as asking to use the changing room, or going to the right bathroom. I try to imagine how strong they would be and hope to emulate even a fraction of that strength.

I started small by buying 1 cosmetic item at a time at the grocery and burying it deep in the other stuff I was buying and hoping that it would just go unnoticed and it did for the most part. At one store a clerk tried to be nasty and she held the item up where everyone in line could see it and asked if the item was mine in a loud voice - I was prepared for that and just answered yes. I also haunted thrift stores and began piecing my wardrobe together. I ordered online for awhile and then got tired of that so i just marched into a big name retail store, took my time, wondered around the women's department until I had an armload of stuff and took it to the cash register where a young female was working. She never said a word.

If you build your courage bit by bit eventually you'll find yourself just shopping for what you need with no concern about what anyone else thinks.

I can confirm this. This was the benefit of going to walmart at night for the first time with this endeavor. The second time was normal hours and many women were there in the makeup area. None seemed to care. A tweenage girl did notice me, but she actually gave me this look of approval.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on July 22, 2014, 05:26:23 PM
Oh, I forgot about buying makeup. Two words: self-checkout counter. Of course, you'll have to peruse the makeup isle, but if you do it at the right time of day, or night, no one's there, and the clerks won't care, especially if it's at night. They just want to get out of there. Just have some stuf fin mind when you get there and grab it. Personally, I'm on a nude kind of glowing look as far foundation/powder is concerned right now, so I'm all about Physician's Formula. Great stuff. But for blush I really lovelovelove FACESTUDIO and those pretty little blush tubes/sticks it sells. I mean who thought about that pretty packaging and in a tube! Pure. Genius. Lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner is all just basic unless your an eyeliner slut, which I am, but I'm also a basic b!tch so yeah. You could get all this stuff in a carry cart at CVS in what five minutes. If not three.

Thanks girls I really wouldn't know how to go if it weren't for your precious advice.

This is what I already: shaving and plucking facial hair. Now I may start as well but I getting my ears pierced or something, and practising with earrings.

And yes, I never agreed with "I am brave for being trans"- I am quite cowardly myself, I think I just do my best possible to get day by day and survive. If I had money and more support, I would have started running things more smoothly, but it's difficult without it. I truly need to come terms with myself, and start leading my life another way.

xxx

Shave your legs and don't hesitate to wear shorts. My therapist suggested this and I had no idea how big of an impact it would make.