I'm lucky enough to have supportive parents, but they want me to wait until college to come out. I'm about to start my first year of high school, I'm young, I know. My parents don't want me to come out because it would have negative repercussions on my siblings (they might get bullied), they think I might change my mind, they believe that all I'm doing is changing my pronouns and "presenting" as a guy, and because we might lose some of our family. I can respect their argument, but as selfish as it sounds, I still believe I should be able to come out next year. I'm not really worried about lack of friends, there is this one girl that I know of that is 100% supportive of trans people so at least I won't be rejected by the whole school. You see though, my depression gets worse and worse every day that I'm called a girl and with she/her pronouns. Four years is a long time, and I simply cannot wait that long without suicide slowly becoming an option: its impossible. Whatever I tell my parents they completely ignore, and I'm really scared that it will be four years until I can transition. Does anyone have any useful advice? Either a way to convince my parents or to cope with dysphoria for another four years.

 its YOUR choice to come out NOT your parents. If your siblings get bullied there are always adults to talk to about it as most schools are adopting zero tolerance policies and also new trans* public school laws. Please dont let your parents hold you back if you really want to come out because repressing it makes it all the worse.

Also getting a binder+haircut will probably make you feel better in coping if you can't start testosterone.

Be strong be brave be trans* \o/

I would look at ways to get your parents to come up with solutions to their fears and concerns. Are you seeing a therapist because maybe they should do a session with the three of you to find an outcome that will work for all of you.

Is there a school counselor or someone from a LGBT friendly group that can talk to them? Is there a PFLAG chapter near you?

Is there a family member you can confide in?

It really helps to have another adult on your side.

My advice is to tell your parents how you feel, and tell them often. Remind them daily how awful gender dysphoria is. Find stories of people who were so miserable it was transition or die, and show them to your parents.

The more they hear how unhappy you are, the more quickly they'll start seeing things your way.

Do not listen to them if they say "that's already been decided" or "the subject is closed." Decisions can be changed. Subjects can be reopened. It's not closed or decided until YOU say it it.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

I know that it will ultimately be my choice whether to come out or not, but I don't want to lose the trust of my parents. My parents are the only people I'm out to and there is no one else I can think of that can help me with this.

I actually am lucky enough to live in a supportive area, I can always go to my school's GSA if anything happens. There are always a few bad people everywhere, but I'm not expecting that I'll be completely alone.

I already have a binder, and I'm hoping that I can get a haircut sometime this summer. I've been wearing "boy's" clothes since kindergarten so if I get a haircut people will probably just think of me as a butch lesbian or something, I doubt it would surprise them.

I'm seeing a therapist right now, and I believe she's on my side. But knowing my dad it will take a lot to convince him. I do constantly remind them about how life is hard being trans and it would get better if I come out but they seem to never listen. I think its because they don't have first-hand experience and they'll never understand how hard it truly is.

One of their reasons is that some of my relatives are really conservative and religious and that there's a chance that they will start hating my family and we'll never see them again. I feel really guilty about that even though I know it isn't my fault.

I hope I can eventually convince them. I've considered just doing it without their consent, but I would be all alone in trying to figure it out.

You can have your therapist talk to them, mine has done that with both of my parents. It seems to have worked and better educated them. Also my dad ordered three books about being transgender which my mom is currently in the process of reading one. Literature can really help, I recommend the book the Transgender Child for them. Its great you are living in a supportive area which i very much lack and have a dieing urge to come out at school (im out to family and friends) however the repercussion for me isn't worth it as i only have 5 months left.

On another note though. Please remember you are never alone in this. Most of us are a text, phone call, message, email away.




be strong be brave \o/
~Sky