Hi,

I'm a 23-year-old male and I'm not sure where to begin. I've come to realise that I might be genderqueer. I'm physically male and present as male. I sometimes have occasional feminine or effeminate behaviours but I don't feel physically or emotionally female. I feel deeply I'm androgyne but I don't dress how I feel.

I'm really scared of trying to dress androgyne and I don't know where to begin but I've felt for years that I've wanted to be as I feel but I've never had the courage to do anything to change it. I haven't done it before and I'm scared I'll get it wrong.

The wonderful thing about us here is that there is no wrong way to dress.

Keep sharing, others will chime in, and don't be afraid, the answers are here and will come....

Give yourself a hug dear your just took your first step and we are with you.

Satinjoy,

It's a big step and I know it isn't going to be easy. I'm don't know what I'm most afraid of. I've tried to dress how I feel at others times but I got too afraid and stopped. I see a lot of androgynous style clothes in shops but I don't want to be a trend. It's very female-orientated too and I couldn't see myself wearing it.

Alexi, if it feels to big, the break it down some more, maybe one thing until you feel comfortable then more  or adding another piece.
There are a lot of little things that only you will notice that is different, just getting the feel for it.
If you're androgyn, then really what you are wearing is androgyn, as opposed to an androgynous look or fashion.
But the look, the fashion sense has many different elements to it, there isn't a strict look to it.
It's pretty flexible, so pick up on the things you like that have less impact on those around you.
It's a way for you to get used to how you want to look and not have to be worried about what someone might think.
It's a difficult thing to do sometimes, I make hardly any effort towards looking a part and look the way I feel like, which is really pretty tame.
It isn't the clothes, the look that defines you, it's how you, yourself, the way you want to do it that defines you.
You are you and who you are depends on who you want to be. Stuck for ideas? Invent yourself.
You already pretty much know yourself, just expand on it in ways that are comfortable for you, right now.
A shirt of pants, maybe a hat you like or some jewelry that appeals to you.
Also be aware that it isn't necessarily the style as it is the fit, or cut of the clothes.
Look for the cut that suites your body, the one that gives you the look without yelling at the world to look at you.
Good fitting clothes go a long ways in getting the look, more so than any particular style.
Have fun shopping! I did today.
I didn't buy anything, but I did look at some clothes that have no particular look to them, but they would fit me well.
That I didn't care for the style, is the reason I didn't buy them.
I also passed on some that I like the look of, but they just wouldn't fit me well.
If you're looking at fashion magazines , ads and just seeing something you like on the Internet where aver you go, look at how the fit looks first.
If it's professional shots of something, you can be sure that they are very fitted to the person to make them look better.
Some people can wear just about anything, so long as it fits them nicely. If it looks good, it fits properly.
Ativan

I couldn't have asked for better advice. I recognised a lot of the things I feel desperate for. I feel like I should look androgyne to make me feel better about myself emotionally. I don't pay attention to fashion magazines. I know photographs are heavily modified to sell products and lifestyles and like I said I don't want to look like a phase or a trend.

It's a good idea to make everything smaller and make small changes but I don't know where to start. Are there things you do in your life? Are there lifestyle choices you make that reflect who you are?

Alexi

Fashion and dress are one element.  Andro expression or cues can also include hair (removal re body/face and growing longer hair or changing your cut).  Brow grooming/shaping and manicured nails may also help.

Shirts with buttons on the left, more vibrant color or pattern, boots with a heel, size of watch, choice of belt and bag are just a few specific examples of choices that can help your expression without screaming GQ.

As Ativan says, try something, if it works, play with it.

Safe travels

Aisla

I could do something to my hair and shave. It might make me look more youthful if I shave. I know makeup can have a dramatic effect too but I've never tried it. Is it better to make my face look softer? What about my eyes or jawline?

Shaving, laser or electro all help.  Moisturiser will soften and freshen your complexion.  Slight shaping of the eyebrow and tint on upper eye lash can also help.  Hard to soften the jaw without makeup, hrt or ffs

Aisla

I'll shave and moisturize. Trimming and shaping my eyebrows is going to really help too. Is there anything else I should think about?

Thank God Ativan and Aisla got into this one, I am in way over my head!  I am more similar to Alexi than I thought

Now I want to buy some boots and head for the thrift store too....

For those that know me, by the way, my mind has accepted the short hair and once again I can see both male or female in the mirror neck up, which is a great gift...

Alexi I am GQMTF transsexual, its a bit different for me....

Love to all

The girls out in me again, the guy came out in another thread.... it is so interesting how this works

But Alexi you are getting good advice here from some really great people.  I need to just watch and listen on this one, I too am scared to push social envelopes.

I like looking male but there's an appeal about almost looking female that I like too. It's trying to find the clothes and the comfort and finding a style which works for me emotionally and physically. It's trying to find a style which works and allows me to express myself as I feel but not doing too much or overdoing it.

I'm going to find some shirts and shoes and try different things with my hair. I can always change my hair whenever I want.

Just be you. When I went to my therapist I was like I hate myself and what I look like. She said so change it and I did. Much happier now...no one can tell you what to change because they aren't you. Just be you.

Quote from: StevieAK on July 26, 2014, 10:14:39 AM
Just be you. When I went to my therapist I was like I hate myself and what I look like. She said so change it and I did. Much happier now...no one can tell you what to change because they aren't you. Just be you.

I hate looking in a mirror because I don't like anything I see. I can change it but it's the change which feels like too much and I haven't got anyone I can speak to about it. Who can I speak to?

Get thee to a therapist!  I know it sounds simplistic but having someone sitting there you can bounce things off that doesnt have an agenda and or their perspective, that is trained to help you figure out what is happening will be very helpful.. Been there done that and glad I went.

Quote from: StevieAK on July 26, 2014, 04:35:14 PM
Get thee to a therapist!  I know it sounds simplistic but having someone sitting there you can bounce things off that doesnt have an agenda and or their perspective, that is trained to help you figure out what is happening will be very helpful.. Been there done that and glad I went.

Can I book an appointment with someone or do I need to ask for a referral from my MD?

Quote from: Alexi on July 27, 2014, 10:36:45 AM
Can I book an appointment with someone or do I need to ask for a referral from my MD?

Google it for your area. Look for reviews from others if possible. Physiology today I think it's called and should come up has an interactive Web site that directs to practitioner's in water one has issues with, best wishrs.

Oh and idk but if people knew where you were they may have person experience. 

Being androgynous enables one to be free of the constraints imposed by either gender model in terms of preferences whether it be speech, expressions, dress mode and general appearance, it doesn't have to be a radical transition. I came to the place and decided that I hated shirts with collars, probably because of my short neck and find them irritating and decided that the usual collection of men's shirts were boring and drab, and I wanted color. Then the usual loose fitting jeans didn't fit my body style so I bought several pairs of different Levi slim-fit and skinny jeans. My feet were always miserable in men's shoes and sandals that were always too wide with big clumpy Neanderthal soles and truck-like treads usually starting at D width and going wider, having narrow feet requiring a C width if I'm not to be skating around in my shoes, c widths if available are usually another $100 so I found some rather unisex women's medium width shoes and sandals that are extremely comfortable to wear. I started collecting and adding these and other things to my wardrobe piecemeal a little at a time and now have a drawer full of women's cotton tank tops, and various tops from Victoria's Secret that are colorful and clingy. I recently purchased several colorful long sleeved women's cotton Henley T's from Duluth Trading of all places, you know they are a little longer so that you don't show your butt crack.  Their commercials are hilarious! Mixing typically male and female clothing and styles is a lot of fun and allows one to express themselves outwardly rather than feel like just another one of the drones. This selfie gives you and idea of how subtly you can be if you want to get started adding a few things in to express your inner self through your physical appearance. This is a collarless cotton Henley T shirt over a white Coobie bra with the cookies removed so that the girls don't aren't overstated, kind of a crappy photo but you get the idea.

I'm feeling scared and trapped. I don't have anybody to speak to about my feelings.

Talk to me...
I'll leave my email on till around midnight cental time, US, so even if it looks like I'm not here, I'll keep an eye out.
Ativan

Quote from: Alexi on July 28, 2014, 07:22:59 PM
I'm feeling scared and trapped. I don't have anybody to speak to about my feelings.

Do an online search of your geographic area for a transgender support group or a GLBT organization and contact them. They will have knowledge of all the local resources including counselors some of which may offer counseling on a sliding scale based on your income and ability to pay. You're always welcome to PM myself and other's here once you have made, I think fifteen posts.