Background. I work in two TAB agencies, these are places where people come in to gamble on anything and everything. We deal in cash mostly you pay in cash no cheques or credit allowed and all monies must be accounted for, (if you are over or under there is an entry you enter so head office can track how much your venue has).

Now for the past few weeks at one venue there has been money missing and it is down to the two people who who work there on this one particular day. Now tonight my boss there texted me and mentioned I might soon be working 40hrs there, (good for me as its closer to home, punters like me and where connected to a pub where the drinkers there accept me and there is a security guard and big bar manager at night if needed. Downside I will miss working in the city so no shopping before and after work)

Question.If he does offer me the extra hours there I will want to come out to him a lot sooner then I have expected or am ready for as this will become my sole income and I don't want to risk losing my job in the future. (I know he likes me my work is beyond reproach and my punters love me, but still I am cautious by nature). Now should I swing the hockey stick of truth at him and be as blunt as I can be. Or is some other approach recommend and if so what. 

Earlier some of you mentioned to me I could be only fooling myself,  and when I do come out to him I will probably get an about time. He has used the feminine version of my name when with his 3yr old (think Samantha instead of Sam), and laughed about how the girls polo fits me better then the men's.  But it's one thing when you're joking with an employee and another when you're being slapped in the face with the truth.

I'd say,  that is they don't all know already,  then then have a pretty strong feeling.   And it sound like they are taking it as business as usual.   You can tell them.    it will go fine. As to the how,  be casual.   "I'm really glad I'll be getting more hours. But I do want to tell you something.   (He'll get really apprehensive)  Its not a big deal, but I am transgender.  I wanted to let you know because we will be spending more time together and,  I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hide it from you."

At that point he'll be so relieved that is not one of the Boss problems he worries about that help have a hard time feeling anything but happy about it.   Cause his mind will go to something like, you caught some one stealing. 

This should be guided by your transition timeline. When do you expect you will want to go full time? If it's still a while away I don't see a need for it now. If it's imminent then yeah, time to be open and frank about it and discuss how you want to transition on the job.

It would seem a good idea to tell if he offers as then, if it goes badly, you still have the other job to rely on. If not, you know you are in a truly good work place.

Telling him directly would probably be best but soften the blow by reassuring him that your work will remain up to the same standards and that you would like to include him in the timing of name change on the job, etc.

Hiya,

I think it comes down to how you feel about the situation. If you think it's going to eat you up by not telling him, then maybe you do need to be clear at this "new stage" of work. On the other hand if you're not certain, and are happy to keep going as you are, then do that. Maybe the question is: how will it be if you tell him now or, say, in six months - any better, worse or the same?

All the best with it, whatever you decide to do...!

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 16, 2014, 06:55:24 AM
This should be guided by your transition timeline. When do you expect you will want to go full time? If it's still a while away I don't see a need for it now. If it's imminent then yeah, time to be open and frank about it and discuss how you want to transition on the job.

Full time is planned around April, need a dead period in the racing calendar to get all my paperwork together. (However we all know about the best laid schemes of mice and men.  (Lord Kat this is an expression of speech not a dinner menu ).
Transitioning on the job shouldn't be too hard on the work side. We only have one bathroom and all but one day at that location do I work with somebody.  (Grace, Ros step into a TAB one day and you will see we don't have a lot of actual work space our area can be quite small)

Quote from: LordKAT on July 16, 2014, 06:59:23 AM
Telling him directly would probably be best but soften the blow by reassuring him that your work will remain up to the same standards and that you would like to include him in the timing of name change on the job, etc.

He should know (I hope) my work standard won't drop, it is sort of a running gag that the auditors target me because they know everything will be correct so they can be in and out in a few minutes, and he has recommended that I apply for an agency that came up close to where I lived earlier this year.

Quote from: Jennifer.L on July 16, 2014, 06:49:33 AM
I'd say,  that is they don't all know already,  then then have a pretty strong feeling.   And it sound like they are taking it as business as usual.   You can tell them.    it will go fine. As to the how,  be casual.   "I'm really glad I'll be getting more hours. But I do want to tell you something.   (He'll get really apprehensive)  Its not a big deal, but I am transgender.  I wanted to let you know because we will be spending more time together and,  I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hide it from you."

At that point he'll be so relieved that is not one of the Boss problems he worries about that help have a hard time feeling anything but happy about it.   Cause his mind will go to something like, you caught some one stealing. 

Those problems soon become mine as I come in the day after them or he has me checking the tapes with him to find out what went wrong. (Part trust of me on his part and when your dealing with lots of money you need to account for everything)

Quote from: rosinstraya on July 16, 2014, 07:16:08 AM
I think Maybe the question is: how will it be if you tell him now or, say, in six months - any better, worse or the same?

This is a question I have been burnt earlier this year by a family member, and the fact that I do a lot of solo hours gives me plenty of opportunities to hide but I will probably have to come out and if this is my solo income at that stage well I do have contacts but they are not looking for staff right now.

Okay tomorrow I will probably be giving my boss a heads up that I am on hormones and will transition next year (probably may be sooner). We have a very casual and easy relationship how does this sound as a opener.
"Umm <boss name> you know how you joked about how the girls polo fits me so much better, and how some of our punters call me sweetheart and darling ect. Well there is a good reason for that"

Yes it is very flippant and not something I would suggest for anyone else. It is me then him at work and this will become my main income so tell him now and find where I stand or wait until I can't hide anymore.

Oh and if you have any other suggestions on how I should open please let me know

You know your relationship with your boss better than anyone.  I was a bit more formal but that reflects the head office environment.  I gave them about 6 months notice of FTE and it seems long (after the fact - was still crapping myself) but its just I want the time.  They really don't have much to do as it turns out (and I am the first).  I thought it would be good for them to know so that if someone notices, my boss and HR are prepared.  In your case, it may just give your boss the answer he might be missing.  It also helps if you have the more mundane transition on the job issues solved in draft.

Good luck tomorrow.

Emma

How did it go?

 

Quote from: immortal gypsy on July 27, 2014, 03:35:36 AM

Excellent! Hats off and all that kind of stuff! 

Gratz girl!     hugggggs  I love it when it goes well for one of my girls!  I was worrying about you, you know?