I caught up with a few male friends over dinner recently.
Having been on low dose HRT for a while, it was a bit strange.  I found that I could appreciate their interests, understood them, but didn't fully connect whereas I did previously.

Then on the other hand, I also feel uncomfortable around women.  Presenting as I do, I can't participate in conversation with women the way that I really want to.

It's not that I don't have friends or can't talk to people.  It's just one of the little quandaries I live with living as I am - there is this whole side of myself that I don't show to the world at large.

Like you I can still talk with my male friends but I now relate better to women and, in general,  I prefer their company.   The conversation and energy just seems more compelling.  Male conversations are becoming a little predictable and bland.  I no longer feel the need to pretend to be a binary male so am not making as much effort.

I found I fell through the cracks long ago. While men's conversation revolved around football, meat pies, kangaroos and Holden cars. I was usually excluded from the women's conversations, as I presented male. I would drift between world's and pipe up when a topic came up that interested me or I knew something about it.

Even thou now I connect with women more nowadays I still do this, gives me a quiet appearance and you know what the say about the quite ones

Growing up with mostly female friends, I find it much more easy to connect to females than males. I've found that, even transitioning to male, I don't know what to talk about with men other than tastes in movies/tv shows or music. At my previous workplace, the guys all seemed to comment on the female customers who come in wearing gym clothes (e.g. form-fitting yoga pants) and it's weird because I look at a person's face, eyes or hair - not even registering their body.

I have had bad experiences with some guys who like to "one-up" others in conversation, to correct others constantly or interrupt me to say the story when I was about to say. I find it rude and annoying - what's wrong with just chatting and not trying to turn everything into a competition or about what's "right"? I've noticed the guys who exhibit these traits are deeply insecure but hide behind the pretense that they're intelligent to boost their self-esteem, even if it means coming across as egotistical. 

It was after I talked to this guy, he introduced me to his female friend who was very kind and completely unlike him in terms of bragging and one-upping. It surprised me how much I relaxed and we chatted about many topics casually - something I wouldn't been able to do with guys in general. I think it's to be said if people are super serious about topics and being correct, I won't be able to connect with them easily as someone who is easy-going and doesn't force their opinion on others.

I've never connected with males. My satisfying connections have all been with females.

That's what got me to question my gender in the first place.

Quote from: EchelonHunt on July 27, 2014, 07:37:26 AM
Growing up with mostly female friends, I find it much more easy to connect to females than males. I've found that, even transitioning to male, I don't know what to talk about with men other than tastes in movies/tv shows or music. At my previous workplace, the guys all seemed to comment on the female customers who come in wearing gym clothes (e.g. form-fitting yoga pants) and it's weird because I look at a person's face, eyes or hair - not even registering their body.

I have had bad experiences with some guys who like to "one-up" others in conversation, to correct others constantly or interrupt me to say the story when I was about to say. I find it rude and annoying - what's wrong with just chatting and not trying to turn everything into a competition or about what's "right"? I've noticed the guys who exhibit these traits are deeply insecure but hide behind the pretense that they're intelligent to boost their self-esteem, even if it means coming across as egotistical. 

It was after I talked to this guy, he introduced me to his female friend who was very kind and completely unlike him in terms of bragging and one-upping. It surprised me how much I relaxed and we chatted about many topics casually - something I wouldn't been able to do with guys in general. I think it's to be said if people are super serious about topics and being correct, I won't be able to connect with them easily as someone who is easy-going and doesn't force their opinion on others.

I was all male physically, mentally and spiritually for my first 45 or so years. Was a HS football fullback, fought in a war as a US paratroop and was fully male socialized to every extent imaginable. There came a time over 20 years ago that I tired of the exact kind of BS that you are referring to here and I jumped the fence hormonally and had my lower end modified and got rid of the family jewels. So now after 20 years on feminizing hormones coupled with my naturally outgoing chatty personality I have developed quite a number of cis female friends whose company I enjoy. The interesting part of it is that they realize that I am simply an androgynous male who can think and converse with both sides of my brain about anything, I suppose that they accept my appearance as simply a little eccentricity, but I find that women tend to connect more with the inner persona rather than with the physical. In other words they appreciate someone who is emotionally connected and conversant over the visual aspects of one's anatomy. I think I tired of the usual BS hanging with the fellas, "Oh check that chick out, nice ass huh? Oh and those tits, holy ->-bleeped-<-!" It was a kind of mind numbing routine and one had to wonder if they noticed whether or not she even had a face. I found it embarrassing to be around but still have one or two long term male friends, the rest have gone by the wayside as we have little or nothing in common anymore.

Always had made more female friends in school then male friends. 

Now to think of it I had 2 male friends my high schools year vs around 9 female.

Quote from: jamienicoled on July 27, 2014, 10:53:38 AM
I never connected with males in the sense of I felt like one of them. However, short of sports... I'm very knowledgeable and can relate to many of the topics guys discus (building & remodeling, cars, guns etc), considering... I grew up in that environment. However, that doesn't "out" me for my past. Guys see me as a woman and simply enjoy a girl who can hang with the boys in conversation. However, I'm truly feminine on the outside and mix great with girls in conversation too, soo...lol Guess the end result is exactly what one would want from a person who felt very uncomfortable around ...and almost NEVER successfully communicated with either sex. Today, I live life extremely comfortable around everyone, as it should be! 

Good post grandma! I have a granddaughter who is 14 going on 19, aren't they fun though?

Quote from: jamienicoled on July 27, 2014, 11:30:45 AM
My oldest is 5... my youngest is almost 1. I had the joy of keeping my 2yo grandson for a week here at our home...(I'm a SAHM)  What a workout!!  We gave him back on Friday...I'm still recuperating.   

  Don't I know! 

I've always had a very small group of female friends, I could always talk about really important things with them and could tell very quickly if they were listening.

But interest-wise I connected more with males, I loved sports and other typically 'male' oriented things and I was pretty well accepted as I could physically keep up with them, I can be a bit over the top competitive as well so that helps.

Now if I could only figure out how to tell if a guy is actually listening or not!

I've always connected more with, and had many more female friends than male.  esp now..  Being on E almost 10months now, I am never seen in male predator mode, or as a threat, with the girls I work with daily.  They don't smell the male pheromones.. It's interesting.. Like you see gay male flt attendants palling with the female FA's, I'm right there with them, totally accepted, and I am not out to any of them, I'm just accepted..

Well, I only connect well with either sober alcoholics, a few trusted Christian friends and prayer partners, and the members of this board.  Everything else other than with my immediate family just seems like posturing and bull crap, and there is always an undercurrent of tension there.   But not in here, this is where I can really let it out and be me and chatty.

There are also one or two special TS people I talk frequently with on the phone, and it is amazing to me how it is so relaxed and natural, where someone actually gets it, and where their support strengthens me to be able to continue to be brave enough to get through another day without the enormity of who I am and am becoming completely overcoming me.

On the male and female side... no, I have always been the odd person out, I identify as neither and have components of both.

Blessings and love to all here.  Really.

--Satinjoy

I connect with people whose yin and yang energies are balanced. So, I guess you could say "androgynous", but that doesn't have to be in appearance. Guys who don't make a big deal about "being a man" and conforming to social standards of masculinity, girls who don't make a big deal out of "being a woman" and conforming to social standards of femininity, non-binary people who allow themselves to fluctuate or sit in whichever part of the spectrum without focusing on it excessively. Because I have no interest in traditional "masculine" activities or traditional "feminine" activities, nor do I have any interest in theorizing about gender, so people who make any of those things a significant part of their lives would probably have little to talk about with me.

I tend to be drawn to other people with relatively-low attachment to gender stereotypes, and that tends to bring me to people of whichever gender.  There's probably a male-bias (over female) due to certain life experiences, but it has less of a hold now as my knowledge and activities have broadened.

For me I don't think it's as much a matter of gender as the degree to which their gender is expressed in the relationship. I've never been comfortable befriending males who do the overly masculine stuff, nor have I really ever hung out with women who do the totally girly thing. Luckily I've never had much difficulty in finding people whose personalities are not strongly gender influenced.

~ Lyric ~

Personally, I'm drawn to anyone with a worldview similar to mine-so radical queer socialists, usually

I tend not to get on with women so much.  I can have much of a heart to heart and connection with educated men.  I don't really associate with men who are only into sports and all that.  The men I do talk to are very open to discussion of the topics I enjoy such as philosophy, history, art, sex, etc. on a very intellectual basis.  They are also not afraid to discuss their feelings.  I enjoy how men are straightforward and don't try to read too much into what I say.

Males. Definitely. Mainly because I've never experience a male making something ABOUT his sex, unless it was a joke(i.e. overly manly man), which I honestly find funny. My longest lasting friendship at the moment is with a female, but that's only because she rarely if ever has turned a subject into about her being female.

It's also just easier to talk to guys in general. I rarely feel like I have to worry about offending men, whereas with women it's always a concern. Example, making perverted, suggestive flirts to a guy is generally something I don't sweat, but with a girl there are serious repercussions. It's just been drilled into my head since I was young, I can't even tell a girl she has a cute handbag or something without feeling like a creep.

Oddly enough, I've never connected with other androgynous people that well either. No particular reason other than I just don't know what to say, and I've never met another androgynous person with whom I've had anything else in common.

QuoteI don't really associate with men who are only into sports and all that.  The men I do talk to are very open to discussion of the topics I enjoy such as philosophy, history, art, sex, etc. on a very intellectual basis.

As a fencer, I take issue with you implying that sports are not on an intellectual basis.

I connect with both males and females. But with the males it feels more forced and fake. With females more genuine and real. Hard to explain really but most stuff guys seem to talk about more the crap out of me.

Quote from: Justfornow on July 29, 2014, 02:22:02 PM

As a fencer, I take issue with you implying that sports are not on an intellectual basis.

But you only have to poke the pointy end at someone right?  And afterwards you use the foil as a skewer for grilling meat?