I was taking my 5th weekly injection (4 months of pills before) and there it goes again that euphoria of another painless success.

My shirt was off and my hair swept to the side around my left shoulder. I looked up in the mirror and just thought, "gee, if they could only see me now..."

Wouldn't it better this way? To surprise loved ones? Wouldn't it pretty much get it over right then-and-there without any room for angst about what you where planning to do to stew from all the uncertainty?

I am going thru this dilemma. I was suggested that I wait and be way advanced before telling my sisters. They are very different - one is a very conservative socialite, one is from my mothers previous marriage and much older but has a gay son,  and the other is an artist and yoga instructor. I told the older and the artist but I know that the socialite will have major issues with this. I will only tell her when I'm RLE. So I guess its choose whom you trust and can support you as you don't need animosity - its already tough.

Evelyn,
As I don't live in the same country as my siblings, that is exactly what I did. I waited until I had all of my FFS surgery completed before informing them about my transition. That way all sterile discussions/arguments were avoided.
As it happens, that's the approach I took with most people, even most of my friends, as I saw little point in talking about transitioning until some facts were established on the ground.
Wishing you all the best!
Donna

2 of my sisters are not handling it well. I think it would be worse if I was already on HRT.

Quote from: awilliams1701 on July 29, 2014, 12:38:37 AM
2 of my sisters are not handling it well. I think it would be worse if I was already on HRT.

When are you starting?

That's the thing about uncertainty. It isn't constructive and lends itself to pessimism all around.

I'd totally rather just dive into the deep end of the pool and give myself the best shot and deal with any fallout afterwards. Not during. Ya knoa?

On one hand I can see people close to you being hurt that they weren't involved (even if only minimally) in the process.  But at the same time, it would save you from the part where they're in denial, don't believe you, and try to talk you out of it.

I suppose it comes down to the person.  My wife knows pre-everything.  But I don't plan to come out to any other family until I'm at least post diagnosis and have started HRT.

^^ That is an interesting take. Loved ones who truly are supportive might be left out of the feedback loop.

But sussing out or predicting who will be truly supportive is a crap shoot.

I really don't know.

It took my sister a bit to accept.  Had I surprised her and sort of forced her to quickly accept it, I don't think it would have gone as well.

Evelyn

For me I think that there is no right answer and no wrong answer.  I suspect that it depends upon your relationship with your siblings.  I will probably tell mine when it feels right, so it could be based on the right occasion or opportunity,  because physical changes are becoming a little obvious or even because the conversation presents an ideal opening to 'share'.

Aisla

It sounds like it'll be better for *you,* for sure!

I told my sister right away and she ended up being my biggest supporter - no uncertainty, no hesitation, and she went to bat for me big time with our parents. (Even my wife wasn't 100% on board from day 1, but she was a lot more personally affected by the whole transition thing.) My sis was also thrilled to get to see me change and develop from puberty 2.0.

Everyone in my family thought I was going crazy when I came out, and were disbelieving to the extent that I let them think I was abandoning the decision (just as they predicted) then and moving away to take a job.  I talked to them next from the hospital after surgery was complete and once they realized it was a done deal, they came around quickly!  My sister picked me up from the hospital and my parents visited me (together after a tough divorce) to say they would always love me.

It took another 10 years before we regained any sense of family

Evelyn,

Surprising people can be a really mixed bag.  The reaction may be more negative than had you prepared them for the change in some manner.  You are talking family here, and if you are close at all they deserve a bit of consideration.  Yes, this may take a bit of undercover work to see how they might react.  I have been doing a bit of that with my daughters, and thought I was being really stealth.  Yesterday an email from my oldest asked point blank "Has Erin taken over and you are afraid to tell us?"  That still doesn't tell me how they would react, but I am pretty sure I can work with it.  If I were to show up out of the blue with a blonde wig, makeup, feminine top, denim skirt, and feminine sandals it might be too much (I sort of shocked my therapist that way...)

You need to do what suits you and your best read of your family.

HTH


Erin

I told my brother right around the time I started HRT, I hadn't told my 4 sisters. I don't know them really, I mean I look pretty femme these days, so I think it is obvious that something different is going on here.

I have been of the mind that I need to go slow and give everyone in my life time to adjust. I mean it isn't so easy to think your friend/family member is going to be a different gender, that doesn't happen everyday I needed them to see I am still me, just I am a woman, that is part of who I am, even though they hadn't realized that before.

Evelyn,

I don't think there's a right or wrong on this one. Either way there are going to be repercussions. Holding off until transition is under way will show that you are committed to this course of action and there is less likelihood of people trying to talk you out of it. On the other hand, informing family before you begin would show more consideration and give them time to try and understand, though more likely they will try to talk you out of it.

It also depends on family relations and how open-minded they are. Each situation is going to be unique.

In my case, I've got a letter recommending HRT but I know as soon as I even go see a doctor about beginning, my wife is gone,taking our son,  the marriage is over and there will be a lot of explaining to do. So the question to myself is do I blow up the marriage first and have everybody asking why, or do I inform them even before I pull the pin on the T-Grenade?

Best wishes to all struggling with this question.

I have to agree that there is no right or wrong method.
Everyone's family has a different dynamic and I think playing by ear is the best way for everyone.

I have already told everyone near and dear to me, even though I'm yet to start HRT.
Even though I didn't have a clue how they would react, I felt compelled to come out to people around me, after so many years of leading a double life.

The positive thing is I now have the support to continue on the path I've always longed to take, which to me is a great relief.

I've been on HRT for years and the changes to my face have become unmistakable. I should have come out to my sister a looooong time ago, but have yet to mention anything. I've already made the decision not to go full time until I have my FFS. My sister is one of those people who is very for or against an idea; pink is strictly for girls and action movies are only for boys type of thinking. And my brother in law is one of those idiot cavemen who says "that's gay" when he doesn't like something.    So, I'm reluctant to say anything until I'm ready for full time.

I've also made the decision never to speak to my family again if they don't support me. I'm ready to go forward and don't need their bull->-bleeped-<- trying to keep me down longer than they already have.

I told my mom about what I might doing during an ongoing conversation over the phone. After the conversation, and I had hung up, I howled with laughter - not because it was funny, but because it was so embarrassing. But what can ANYone else say or do? It's my life, and I'm in control of it (as much as possible).

For me, it was better to tell her and a sibling before the fact. I think it's because none of us are close-minded, and we are an unusually close and loving family.

I have no idea. My therapist was concerned that I had only accepted myself for a month when I first saw her. That was a month ago and even she was impressed with my progress. Originally I didn't think it was going to happen this year, but maybe I can now. I intend to bring it up with her next session.

My sisters' reactions are its ok as long as we don't see you dressed as a girl. We don't want to tell our little kids. I told one I have no intention of abiding by that. I also asked her what about when I grow breasts? I don't think that occurred to her. She also blamed my therapist for pushing her agenda on me. "you know how they are!" again really?!?!

Quote from: Evelyn K on July 29, 2014, 12:43:54 AM
When are you starting?

That's the thing about uncertainty. It isn't constructive and lends itself to pessimism all around.

I'd totally rather just dive into the deep end of the pool and give myself the best shot and deal with any fallout afterwards. Not during. Ya knoa?

Didn't tell my sister until a day before I transitioned. Still haven't told my brother - but we rarely talk and only see each other for about three hours once a year so it's not like we're close.

I have another brother who I've not yet told. I think this one needs the right timing.