Hello,
My name is Rexy and I'm a 47 year old male who is infatuated by the idea of cross dressing and being submissive. It has been occupying all my free time and even the time I spend at work. I've registered here on Susans to maybe get some of my questions answered.
So far my search has only been other peoples post to find my answers. I thought the introductions would be a good place to start and outlining my history and sexual experiance would help for anyone wanting to see who I am without to much verbage to read. I know I've missed many
things in this list. Some not worth mentioning others I've forgot completely or maybe some I've just refused to remember.




06 years old My male babysitter molested me. I only remember his finger in my ass tring to prepare it which he did not succeed in doing anything else. He stopped and I never told.
09 years old I saw my older brother kissing my younger brother and groping him and was asked to join which I did not. He stopped and know body knows.
10 years old I started masterbating
11 years old I stole a adult book from my visiting uncles car about house full of dominate women who took the paper boy and turned him into a transexual slave illistrated by Stan Freeman. I wore it out masterbating to it
12 years old I found a junk store that sold books. In my search for more adult litature I found books published by Blue Moon, which centered on victorian novals about domination and caneing young girls. I bought and read and masterbated to all I found.
12 years old I lost my virgintiy
13 years old I started spanking myself and even tried on one of my mothers painties
13 years old I was caught masterbating by my Dad. Nothing strange but he was mad and embaressed me infront of all my family at dinner humilating me more than I ever have.
13 years old I was stopped by a man in a car on my bike who offered to suck me. I got scared and speed off.
13 years old I got drunk with friends and the man who bought it for us. I was tied to a bed and having a hole in my jeans below my front pocket I can remember the man putting his finger in there trying to touch me.
14 years old I had sex with a few other girls one was even married.
15 years old I bought my first case of beer (Bought for my older brother while I drove him and his friends around with my permit to drive)
15 years old I went to my frist adult book store which I frequent often. Masterbate there but thats all. Nobody bothered me.
16 years old my Mother died of a heart attach at age 42
17 years old I join the US Navy. The night I was to be sent to Boot camp I shared a room with a guy. I woke up with him masassing my penis. I got mad and told him to stop and nothing more came of it.
17 through 21 was a blur of drinking, drugs and sex with various prosittutes (normal stuff)
24 years old I met my first wife
27 years old I married her. She was somewhat vanilla but I real wanted more and asked her to do kinky stuff with me. Mostly spankings
30 Years old I had my first Son.
34 years old I had my Second Son.
35 years old I talked online to a man who wanted me to be his slave and I liked the idea.
37 years old my wife wanted to live a lesbian lifestlye and left me getting custody of my sons.
39 years old I dated a girl who loved to be spanked
39 years old found my secound wife on CollerMe who was submissive and wanted to live as a submissive.
43 years old my dominate side tapered down to nothing and my submissive side grew
44 years old I was meserized by cuckolding, chastity devices and humilation
45 years old I my submissive needs were growing. Watching sissy porn and Femdo videos and stories.
45 years old My now more dominate wife used a strap on me for the first time and I havent been the same since.
46 years old I watched my older brother die of ALS tramtizing me so bad I had a mental brake down. I sought help from a psychiatrist and confessed all my sins and sick desires. I told him everything. I was placed on a drug called prozac at 80 mg a day.
46 years old After a year of Prozac I can't take it anymore. I stopped cold turkey. Have takin any since. I'm just now getting over the withdraw symptoms.
47 years old as of Last May. I'm now more into wanting to be submissive and sissyifed more than ever. I'm even thinking of hrt.



I was tested for low testostorne and found my score to be a low 43 where normal is around 700-1000. I've refused to take these injections because I want to stop any male traits so I can become more feminine.
I'm overwieght by about 60 pounds and I've read that hrt does not reposition the wieght you already have so I've been walking close to 4 miles a day on a low protien diet (I want to lose muscle as well as wieght). I'm excited about losing my wieght and becoming more feminine
I don't want to be a girl but I do want a more feminine physic, a larger butt and some small breast. I want to feel and think more like a women. I love anal sex with my wife so much that I want to try the real thing.
I am attracted to men I've just never allowed myself to show it or even to know it.

I'm freaking 47!!! Is it to late for me?
To late to start all this?
I get so depressed thinking about it.
Am I just freaking CONFUSED?
Right now I think I'm crazy.


Thats it guys. I hope I have the moxie to write more post.


I look like a man now .. but I hope one day you can call me Sexy Rexy

it's so hard to press the POST button.

Hi Rexy 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

It sounds like you may need to talk to someone who has a handle on gender and sexual counselling to unpick what is going on for you. If you have a fetishistic desire to be femaile that doesn't necessarily make you trans gender, however without the fetish the feeling of being the wrong gender may still be there in which case deciding on what you want to do to relieve your dysphoria would be the next step. We have a cross dressing section here on the forum so try chatting with the other members there as they may share similar experiences.

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Hi Rexy,  I agree with Grace that you will need to explore more whether you are a crossdresser or a female.  Lots of help with this with first-hand experiences here.

47 isn't too late.  I started HRT (female hormones estradiol valerate and micronized progesterone) just 6 plus weeks ago, and I am 56, and I have small female breasts, smooth skin on the palms of my hands like a 25 year old genetic (cis) girl, my former body odor problem disappeared 3 weeks in, I have constantly protruding nipples that are very obvious under my button-down shirt, a smaller neck like a girl's that is soft and smooth, more feminine eyes, my facial acne has disappeared almost totally, I have an intuitive FEEL to undersand and FEEL what genetic girls feel, and many other changes I have posted in details elsewhere on this website.

Please note that if you are getting a sexual thrill out of women's clothes, and if you start strong doses of strong female hormones, you probably won't get many more erections.  Most of my erections stopped about 3 or 4 weeks in.  This is great for ME, but you will need to determine how this might make you FEEL.

If losing the ability to have many erections is troubling to you, you may be a crossdresser, but not necessarily female.  I think females feel very comfortable with the loss of erections ability, since this is not a female thing.

If you take strong female hormones, your sex drive is likely to go WAY down.

At to age, well, just 6 plus weeks in, and a few days ago, both males and females, strangers and people I know, are beginning to stare at my small breasts and protruding nipples.  So if you are indeed female, 47 shouldn't be too late probably.  For me, age 56 to start HRT is proving to be one of the greatest decisions of my life.

Hugs,
Johanna.

Hi Rexy! I started myself at 47. I will third or forth the previous comment. Find a good Therapist with gender experience before jumping to any conclusions. Most of the time you need letters from one for HRT anyway, two if considering SRS.