Just a quick observation here!

But... from what I've found so far, there's a huge pressure on trans* people to conform to some sort of look or lifestyle. Especially if you try to transition down the NHS route, or even if you simply listen to ordinary people. Most of those who are trans* who I know seem to jump into trying to fufill these expectations without question. Often with disastrous results. I find this quite frightening.

For instance - if the NHS just let me take hormones without having to alter my personality, name and presentation to "prove" my status, then I'd find it much easier and just seeing what HRT does (and doesn't) and just rolling with it. However by enforcing on me a female name and presentation, it means I have to run and catch up with other females to ensure I A: actually get treatment, and B: have less likely of being sacked or beaten up. So because of the expectations, I'm more likely to feel the need to obsess over how I look. I'd be happy with keeping my current name and simply being (in the eyes of society) a very androgynous guy who "may or may not be transexual, we're not sure". I'd rather be that then the "female named person who's blatantly a guy over there".

So my general question here is - does anyone else feel that the expectations on being trans* are just as damaging as the situation we're in in the first place?

This is one of the main reasons why I've decided to go private - simply throw money at doctors to just shut the hell up, keep their bullsh*t to themselves and do what I damn well pay them to do, rather than have a bunch of doctors tell me what I'm supposed to be. People underestimate just how much money can often solve most of life's problems, when used wisely.

I was on low dose HRT for years before I decided I actually wanted to transition, and in retrospect I am very glad that I was able to take things slowly. If I had been offered the choice of either not taking HRT at all, or going all the way with everything from the start, I don't think I ever would have started. But I also live in the US, where there are lots of doctors who will treat you without forcing you to conform to any sort of specific program regarding presenting as female. At the University of Minnesota, where I am currently going to see my therapist/endo, their program is completely okay with non-binary transgender people. If I had decided to continue low dose HRT with them, without going through any sort of social transition, they would have been completely okay with that. It sounds like the NHS has some really backwards and outdated policies, to be honest.

Quotedoes anyone else feel that the expectations on being trans* are just as damaging as the situation we're in in the first place?

I'm not comfortable pitting one against the other, but gender-specific roles, expectations, and treatments are terrible.  What makes medical professionals doing it so bad is that they're gatekeepers in a position of trust.  Their importance multiplies the impact of their mistakes, and while some of them look to that danger as a reason to be careful, the lack of imagination coming from their fear means they will fail to recognize and treat new possibilities.

Quote from: "I'm Stella Stanhope, and that's why I drink". on July 30, 2014, 08:24:30 AM
This is one of the main reasons why I've decided to go private - simply throw money at doctors to just shut the hell up, keep their bullsh*t to themselves and do what I damn well pay them to do, rather than have a bunch of doctors tell me what I'm supposed to be. People underestimate just how much money can often solve most of life's problems, when used wisely.

I think that is probably the wisest way to go Stella. As for the other stuff you make some very good points. I am not familiar with NHS but if they are forcing you to conform before you actually transform enough it seems like they are putting you more in harms way than normal.

I don't know how to say this without sounding bad but I disagree, although I give the "getting your feet wet" thing the credit it deserves, there's just way too many people who play around with the idea too much, and playing around with transition isn't the same as  - here I am, transitioning, please just help me and let's get this done and worked out together, it just isn't the same. The difference between many of the places in the states and the NHS here in the UK. Is the NHS is not something you pay for out of pocket, hence the fact that they want to see you have the necessity rather than just the want for transitioning, in the perfect world where money isn't an issue every exploring trans or non binary person would get funding so that they can find the right balance, however, this is the way they have managed to keep only those who really are willing to go through anything to transition because it's a need and those who aren't willing to go through anything to transition from it. I am originally from the states and I now live in the uk, and I can tell you. The NHS is a great health system compared to what I had going on back in the states, they may take their time here, they may do things a little methodically for some but they do take care of people . And if there really is a real need you can still go private while the NHS accepts you into the pathway. My twin who still lives back in Long Beach and works for a multinational company, health insurance which doesn't cover one single gender related issue would agree with me right now. Sorry, I just disagree, presenting as a male but saying you want to be a female doesn't prove anything, and they do need some proof. And that's why they need you to present as female, transgender by definition means crossing genders, not "staying in the same gender but leaning more towards the middle". And I say that with the respect that non binary people deserve cause I think y'all are a brave group of people with strong ideas.

Stella,

Being non-binary it is difficult to deal with medical professionals.  Here I am in the "enlightened" United States and I HAVE to present as female to the doctor who might prescribe hormones.  The further I go the more non-binary I feel.  The last three times I have dressed have been purely to see that doctor and it does get a bit perplexing.  I am not all that sure the female part of me wants to "take over," she just wants to be acknowledged for herself.  So, I am exploring and that is clearly not something the NHS would tolerate.  I am doing this on my own funding, so much as you have said you need to do, it really shouldn't matter to anyone.

Just my $0.02...


Erin