the pastor just called my mom asking if we will be home tomorrow night because he is doing house visits but actually wants to talk to the "young people" meaning me and my sister.

I don't waaaant to!!! Ever sincE my dad sent me to a priest to "fix" me I haven't gone to church or read the Bible although I still pray.

Does anyone think the church people saw me around the neighborhood in girl mode and now want to address me ?? Or am I being paranoid?

If that is the case or not, I still don't want to see him or hear him, seeing church people make me feel very uncomfortable now and I feel like they hate me.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
-FDR

In other words, the pastor himself isn't anyone you need to fear. If he does intend to address how you're different, try to turn it into a conversation instead of letting him preach to you. I do this all the time with people of faith, which helps both sides learn from the experience as long as they are willing to listen. I'm not religious myself, but I've learned a lot about the perspectives of religious people, just like many of them have learned a lot about my perspective. Give it a try. Other people do have good in them, even if you are afraid of them at first.

First off, calm down. Do you know if he is doing this with everyone, or just you and your family?

Church people are just people. Does you mom know about you?

Your dad sent you to a priest to get fixed? Was you broken? I hope it's not in the context of sending a dog or a cat to a vet to get fixed. If so he sent you to the wrong person, it should have been a surgeon for SRS.

I would feel really uncomfortable with a priest, pastor or minister coming into my home or rather I think they would be uncomfortable maybe even scared.

Personally melanie and this is just me and my attitude. Try to find out what he wants if your mom doesn't know your trans and if that is what it is about give him a rock and ask him if he can legitimately perfect enough cast it at you. And if it is about someone seeing you dressed and about, just calmly and nicely tell him to mind his own business. But depending upon how old you are they may get you in trouble.

Plese let us know because you got me interested.

Since you live in your parents house you need to go along with what they ask.  I know that stinks.  You say "Pastor" rather than "Priest" so I assume this is no longer the Catholic Church.  What sort of church is this?  Are they in any way tolerant of LGBT?  You will need to go along with things and not be confrontational - yes this is advice from Old Erin who would rather sweep as much under the rug as possible than get into a fight you may not win.

If the Pastor gets confrontational then he has utterly failed his calling.  If he does that and you parents don't call him on it or ask him to leave they also have failed.  In that case you will need to be the adult and not escalate things.  That can be really hard.  Remember, these are human failings and not God's failing.

As the others have posted as I typed slowly, hopefully he doesn't have any agenda other than to invite you to church.  I know if a pastor from my church were to go on a visit like you describe he would keep it low key and try to convince you to come to the appropraite youth group.  I am hoping this is what the meeting is...

Pulling for you!


Erin

both my parents know  I'm trans he said nothing about me in particular, just the "young people" thing. Sorry for freaking out like this, I feel stupid now.

I'm 20, so I'm not a teen anymore, how can they get me into trouble though? I can't talk to him though, it will be too difficult for me and I even started to cry now just thinking of ot so it's a very bad idea. I'll just sit in my room and tell my mom to tell him I'm not at home.

Quote from: melanie maritz on July 30, 2014, 02:27:22 PM
both my parents know  I'm trans he said nothing about me in particular, just the "young people" thing. Sorry for freaking out like this, I feel stupid now.

I'm 20, so I'm not a teen anymore, how can they get me into trouble though? I can't talk to him though, it will be too difficult for me and I even started to cry now just thinking of ot so it's a very bad idea. I'll just sit in my room and tell my mom to tell him I'm not at home.

Well, don't seem like much of a problem to me other than the trying to fix you part when you weren't broken leaving a bad taste in your mouth. SInce your parents know you are trans and you are twenty and legally able to choose to do what you want then I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Quote from: melanie maritz on July 30, 2014, 02:27:22 PM
both my parents know  I'm trans he said nothing about me in particular, just the "young people" thing. Sorry for freaking out like this, I feel stupid now.

I'm 20, so I'm not a teen anymore, how can they get me into trouble though? I can't talk to him though, it will be too difficult for me and I even started to cry now just thinking of ot so it's a very bad idea. I'll just sit in my room and tell my mom to tell him I'm not at home.

*hugs* There's nothing wrong with crying, but try not to hide from everything that frightens you. You'll be hiding your whole life if you do that, and that's no way to live. You're 20, so you are an adult. Tell the pastor himself that you'd rather not talk. Your parents won't always be there to cover for you. If this pastor is a reasonable adult, he will understand. Pastors are people just like you and I. They aren't monsters.

I hope it all goes well. Hang in there! I'm rooting for you.

Melanie,

You have good advice here.  Since you are 20 it is OK for you to say you woud rather not talk with the Pastor.  I also agree with you saying this to him yourself - you need to stand up for you.

Don't worry about this.


Erin

Thanx everyone, yes you're all right, I should say this to him myself. I guess I have a pobia now of all things churchy, I don't know.

I feel now like maybe I should just be andro mode when he comes and then maybe I'll listen to what he has to say. Maybe it's nothing bad at all

Quote from: melanie maritz on July 30, 2014, 02:59:03 PM
Thanx everyone, yes you're all right, I should say this to him myself. I guess I have a pobia now of all things churchy, I don't know.

I feel now like maybe I should just be andro mode when he comes and then maybe I'll listen to what he has to say. Maybe it's nothing bad at all

Good for you Hon. I wouldn't change anything on his account. If he invites you to the youth services all you have to say is your beliefs aren't inline with yours. May be he is a nice person and baybe he does know you are trans and he may just visiting to invite you to join them.

A phobia about all things churchy, that is a good one. I think a lot of us have that same phobia. But i seriously doubt it is anything bad.

I don't want to join a youth group though, at least not at that church where everyone knows me. I didn't even feel comfortable with the other young people there when I was still presenting as a guy, I felt so awkward

it sucks that I had to go to that priest to prove to my dad that I cannot be "fixed", it really messed me up. He told me a lot of stuff like God won't love me if I'm like this and I'll go to hell.

As far as I'm concerned, God only exists to those who want to have faith. If you don't believe in him, he has no power over you at all. They can tell you that you're going to go here and there, but that's their own belief. They cannot know for sure, and it's up to you what you want to believe.

I'll have to disagree with going to a youth group that you want nothing to do with, though. It won't do you any good if the group's goal isn't your own goal. Outside of the group, on the other hand, they have no more power over you than a God I doubt you even believe in. Just politely decline anything they try to invite you to try, and you shouldn't have any problem. Just don't react strongly, or they will suddenly have power over you.

Quote from: melanie maritz on July 30, 2014, 03:27:34 PMHe told me a lot of stuff like God won't love me if I'm like this and I'll go to hell.

This stuff is BOGUS.  There have been discussions on this very topic on this board.  I am making my first attempt at insertng a link to one of them:

Susan's Place Transgender Resources » General Discussions » Spirituality » Christianity » Topic: Am I going to hell?

God does not condemn anyone for being trans*  Don't buy that sorry line...


Erin

And I flunked at getting a link to work.  At least it shows where the discussion is.

Thank you Eevee and Erin I feel better now .  I don't believe that God hates me for being who I am, and I hope there will come a day where it will be 100% scietifically proven that we are born this way to stop this from happening.

But back then (I was 17 when I went to the priest) I was very confused about how all this relates to my religion and I left crying every time our meetings ended because I really thought I was going to hell if I didn't try to change who I am.

Quote from: ErinWDK on July 30, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
This stuff is BOGUS.  There have been discussions on this very topic on this board.  I am making my first attempt at insertng a link to one of them:

God does not condemn anyone for being trans*  Don't buy that sorry line...


Erin

And I flunked at getting a link to work.  At least it shows where the discussion is.

Yeah that is a bunch of BS. I've had an argument in a bookstore with a Preist one time because I was looking into the Devil's section about UFO's, Paranorma Research, and reincarnation and pretty much anything considered New Age. It ended up being a pretty heated and loud argument in which he was kicked out of the bookstore. So I guess I'm going to hell to 'cause I am trans and cussed a preist out. Oh well i would rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.

Just don't worry about that BS  'Cause if you are going to Hell look for me. I'll be the one with the cooler of beer. But I can't count that high as to how many times someone has told me I'm going to hell. I tell them we'll just keep each other company then. It gets 'em to shut up.

Hi Melanie,

I hope things went ok for you when your pastor visited.

Depending on the church, it's not an uncommon thing, particularly if your family is relatively new to the church.  Some pastors are keen on getting to know the members of a congregation on a personal basis, particularly in a small family sized church.

Now for your concerns:
1.  Regardless of what brand of Christianity, they will all agree that God is a loving God.  He loves us all - look to Jesus, and see how he associated with the dregs of society - prostitutes, tax collectors, etc.
2.  You seem worried about rejection by others from church, and avoid it these days.  That is totally understandable.  Remember that ultimately, it is your relationship with God that comes first, and that the way others treat you does not reflect what He thinks of you.  Jesus himself was despised, rejected, and was nailed to a tree.
3.  It is not for us to judge and condemn.  Theologically speaking, in the eyes of God, one sin is no worse than another.
4.  As far as being trans is concerned, the issue at hand is what is male and what is female theologically.  You can debate that one till the cows come home.

Feel free to PM me questions regarding this.  I don't claim to have all the answers, but I can certainly give you my perspective with living as a transgender Christian.

No god who would punish you just for being yourself would be deserving of worship.

Quote from: melanie maritz on July 30, 2014, 02:05:38 PM
the pastor just called my mom asking if we will be home tomorrow night because he is doing house visits but actually wants to talk to the "young people" meaning me and my sister.

I don't waaaant to!!! Ever sincE my dad sent me to a priest to "fix" me I haven't gone to church or read the Bible although I still pray.

Does anyone think the church people saw me around the neighborhood in girl mode and now want to address me ?? Or am I being paranoid?

If that is the case or not, I still don't want to see him or hear him, seeing church people make me feel very uncomfortable now and I feel like they hate me.

you should not stay away from Church, because God loves you, and He wants you there. I don't know what religion you are, but you should give him a minute. As soon as he says something negative about transgender end it right there. If you definitely know he's anti trans say no. You have enough trouble in your life to deal with him. Although, many Christians don't support you, you must know God does, you are precious in His eyes, and he wants you to be the best trans Christian you can be. God bless you sweety.

Thank you all  I never saw him, my mom said he should come when my sister was also home since he wanted to speak with both of us.

You're all right, I'm not going to hell for being trans and God loves all of us regardless if we're trans or not

It sounds as though he just intends on a routine house call if he's not pressing. Some like to do that as they find it very hard to know people just from Sunday contact.

If you don't mind me asking, what denomination do your family and you belong to?  It'd be useful to know for later.