I told my mom that I was transitioning right before I started HRT, and she told all of my siblings without asking me first.  I had a lot of initial resistance from my family, so much so, that I didn't tell any of them that I was having FFS until after the surgery. And believe it or not, I got a lot of grief from them, when I made the *mistake* of telling my mom that I was having a BA beforehand. I really don't get it, it seems like they would have accepted the fact that I'm not going to have a change of heart after finding out that I had FFS; I guess it's easier for some people to live in denial than to face the reality of a situation they don't agree with.  And now, my family is accepting of me...

I want to wait until I am further along before I come out to my parents or any of the rest of my family.  There are a few people that know, the ones that can have an actual conversation not just "WTF" or "why?" As mentioned in earlier posts I don't want to deal with trying to be talked out of it.  My family and most of my coworkers ( i dont have many close friends) are pretty narrow minded and everything gets fit into a box.  I want to good grasp of what all that " box" is before I hand it out to them, otherwise I will be supplied a box in which will become the perception based truth for them.  I don't think I need to be "passing" just far enough along that there is no doubt that can be gathered from my status.  Just yesterday my dad was lecturing about how much muscle mass I have lost (in my mind not fast enough!) and I should eat the rest of the half pound burger they invited me over for.  I had to contain myself, I was getting pissed.  My S.O. asked me about it as soon as we got into the car knowing I would be upset.

Hopefully this is a couple months away.  I am getting tired of hiding myself.  My therapist is good with me going on HRT I just need to figure out from where ( insurance doesn't cover hrt). 

One thing we have to remember is that we've had years to come to terms with who we are.  And we've usually labored over the decision to transition for quite some time.  We then spring this on people who care about us and we expect them to come around pretty quickly.  They're simply not prepared for it, and are often completely uneducated on the matter.

Hi, I came out to my mother around the time I started therapy.  She passed it on to my sisters, an aunt and uncle, and of course my step-father.  I was dressing when I had the opportunity to do so, which wasn't often, had not yet started electrolysis (which I've since discontinued for the time being), and was not on hormones.  I did it because I was in a bad place emotionally and I needed someone close to know what was happening to me.  I already knew I was female and didn't feel I needed to be in any particular phase of transition before coming out to them.  I don't see a reason to wait, in my opinion.  We are who and what we are, if not physically, then mentally.  I think the sooner they are aware of your true gender, regardless of your appearance, the sooner you may attain their support which you will want as you journey through transition.  Again, just my opinion.  Also, I am by no means suggesting that they will be supportive.  That varies with us.  I was fortunate enough to have a very supportive family (took my step-father a little longer), but I know not everyone will have the same kind of support I experienced.

Katiej does bring up a valid point regarding family being educated on this.  After coming out to my mother, I sent her a book regarding transsexualism, what it is, etc.  A few weeks later she sent it back to me with writing in the margins and highlighted sections.  She made a point of highlighting and commenting on sections that dealt with being supportive, which really touched me.  As I mentioned previously, not all family members may be supportive and I don't think it matters what phase of transition you are in.  Showing up at home with makeup, your best dress, and nice little breasts won't make it any easier than telling them about it before transition.  Again, just my opinion.

I guess it depends on who you are telling and what their personal relationship is like with you. I'm pre-everything and I've already told my brother, but we've always told each other everything. I'll probably wait for the moment when I just can't hide it anymore before I tell my parents, though. They're another story altogether.

The only family member I have told is an uncle, who is supportive. He is of the opinion that while my mother would be ok with it (after the initial shock), my father may not be. He also suggested I hold off telling my sisters, because even though I am somewhat close to one of them, they can both be a bit stuck up. My wife wont be finding out until after she gives birth, and her hormones have settled down.

My sister knew about my transition before I even started. She has been totally accepting and doesn't mind the fact that her brother is now becoming her sister.

I told my brother about the transition about a month after starting HRT, he seemed a little distant after I told him. I ultimately figured I would tell him sooner or later, and I feel it was just easier to do it at the beginning.  He doesn't seem to really understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, he called my transition a "lifestyle choice". I tried to explain that it's not really a  choice, but he didn't seem convinced. I imagine he just needs some time and I figure I'll throw a few educational articles his way to help him out. I believe since he lives in the same city as me, I'll drag him to one of my support group meetings so he can meet other trans people. He didn't seem to object going when I mentioned it to him, so the more the merrier I suppose.

After I told my brother, I just came out to everyone. I now post regular updates about my progress on Facebook which has been meet with a lot of support, which was really surprising for me. I figured a lot of people wouldn't understand or would be against the idea, I guess it just goes to show you that you never really know how someone thinks until you actually tell them, a proverbial trial by fire.

I've actually pondered the idea of not even coming out... Just letting people think what they may

I haven't told any of my siblings. They live so far away that there is minimal chance of them catching a glimpse of me (I moved away from the family). However I recently learnt from a phone call with my parents that one of them will be moving very close to me in the next few months, so a meet up may be in order and the penny might drop when they see me for the first time in years.

I intended to wait, but didn't even make 4 months before mom noticed, freaked out, and called my sister to try to figure out what was going  on. My sister been supportive, and mom has come around  after being shell shocked at first.

So then which is better?  Tell them early and endure being talked out of it...or let them figure it out and them being SHOCKED or hurt! 

I favor the early approach, but I can see the other side too...especially is you don't have a close relationship.

While my Adopted Mom knows I'm transitioning, she doesn't know how far along I am. She's known about my IS/Trans condition for years since I was adopted as a kid, but hasn't been very supportive. She let's her religion dictate how she feels about me and my transition, and feels because I was made this way I should accept it and just live with incomplete genitals and my dysphoria, because "God Don't Make No Mistakes." She's nearing 80 now though and not healthy enough to come visit me. We communicate via letters and she sends me boxes of goodies a few times per month. She hasn't seen a recent photo of me with my new booby's nor facial and body changes. Her religious beliefs and weird husband have also isolated her from other younger family including her grandchildren. Anyhoo, I never have to worry about her coming to visit so I just let her see me in her mind and old photos how she wants to see me. Quite frankly, I doubt she'd recognize me if I knocked on her front door.

When I came back to Florida I had high hopes of establishing a strong mother-daughter relationship with her, but after nearly 10 years now I doubt my dream of that will ever happen. So I take what I have as it is something, and better than no relationship or contact with her at all. Recently I've finally gotten her to stop sending me products made for men so, little baby steps I suppose is all I can hope for.

Ali

Quote from: katiej on August 04, 2014, 09:36:49 PM
So then which is better?  Tell them early and endure being talked out of it...or let them figure it out and them being SHOCKED or hurt! 

I favor the early approach, but I can see the other side too...especially is you don't have a close relationship.

I chose the early approach as well. I myself would prefer smaller "shock" at start from someone telling me early then knocking on my door months later and I couldn't recognize the person anymore. That and I didn't want to play a male anymore. The same went for my friends and work.

The only people I delayed my coming out was:
- My younger sister until she was done with her winter semester exams
- My grandma as she was in poor depressive state at that moment

I currently reside in California, my family lives in New York. I hadn't been back there since my father's funeral in August of 2012. No one has come to visit me in the 16 years I've lived on California.

I started living full time September 21, 2013. On New Year's Eve 2013 I posted my coming out statement on Facebook complete with pictures. My brother was surprisingly supportive. He called me, asked a bunch of questions keeping them all appropriate. He has seen pictures of me but has not seen me in person yet. I'm not sure what will happen when that day comes.