Oh dear, I would recommend that you get rid of every drug you have left and start exercising a lot more, my sister suffers from borderline disorder, she has tried to kill herself numerous times in the past but she is making progress finally. It always gets really bad before it gets better. I'm telling you because of her and my experience, exercise is such a life saver when it comes to anxiety and depression, you always feel like you've accomplished something really big after a good workout, and you have! also I would recommend that you keep a journal where you write how you feel everyday and read it whenever you feel good, it might give you a different perspective towards it. And last but not least, remember to rely on the people you love, it might seem like you're alone, but the thing is after a long period of feeling lonely and depressed you get used to playing the victim, even when there's people that want to help you and love you no matter what. Open yourself to those people, you'll see what a difference it makes and whenever you feel like you're about to have a crisis tell someone immediately, if you're alone go out for a walk and take deep breaths, listen to music that fills your head with positive thoughts.
I hope everything goes well for you.
