Quote from: Shana-chan on July 18, 2014, 11:30:51 PM
Perhaps if the video can't be found that you could type up or some way to communicate what the video had in it and what was said, then Susan can give it to his mom?

Very well...

It was not long after I shared my first vlog post here on Susan's, back in January 2013. Nero sent me a private message asking me to view a video he'd made and posted online. He made me swear that I wouldn't share the link with anyone and would delete it after I watched it.

In that short clip, only a handful of minutes in length, I saw a smiling man in a T-shirt. There was nothing to be heard, but he looked as if he was laughing. The smile on his face seemed to have a childlike quality: simultaneously joyous and embarrassed. He kept looking into the camera, laughing, and looking away. His smile and laugh were so charming, I couldn't help but smile and laugh with him.

This is how I will always remember Nero.

He sent me a picture quite awhile ago, been trying to find it

He was sitting in a recliner and looking happy

Nero's obituary was published yesterday:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/starnewsonline/obituary.aspx?n=nero-joseph-walker&pid=171780042
There is a link on that page to a guest book.

It has been a few years since I've visited Susan's, but when I heard that Nero had passed, I felt compelled to pass on my condolences to his family and all the members of Susan's.  He was a mainstay, and tireless, long time member, who helped so many of us us, both past and present.  He will be missed.

Quote from: Daisyboyard on July 20, 2014, 12:06:18 PM
Nero's obituary was published yesterday:
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/starnewsonline/obituary.aspx?n=nero-joseph-walker&pid=171780042
There is a link on that page to a guest book.

Thank you for posting this.  Almost as soon as I tried writing something for the guest book, I found myself weeping.  Still crying now.

From the first time I read his words, I had much respect for Nero's wisdom of experience. 

Being trans is hard. 
There does not seem to be a point where it ever becomes "easy". 
Much as we have sought to care for one another until now,
I, for one, am making a small vow to myself to reach out more. 
We are not alone. 
But I know that sometimes I need to be reminded of this. 
I am not alone.

I can't believe this. I saw it mentioned a couple times and decided it was too big to think about and walled it off into the invisible part of my mind where most really bad things go. But I can't pretend forever that it didn't happen.

I hope his family understands what good work he did and how much he mattered to so many people.

I PM'd this to Cindy but she must not have been online since before I sent it.   This from Nero's family, I assume his mother....

"Cindy from Susans asked for the details but I dont have my computer. Spence Miller Funeral Home Columbus st Grove City OH 43123 at 11:00 am tomorrow I know its too late to do anything from Susans  thanks for your message it meant a lot to me."

Thank you Valerie.

Holy moly. What a shock!

I certainly am no regular member here since I'm still quite in denial. That said, I already realized what huge role he played in here. I'm very sorry for his family and I'm sorry for all of his friends, including this forum.

That said, I'm only slightly sorry for him since I'm absolutely certain that he is fine whereever he is. At least I'm hoping so.

I know that he'll be missed, he already is.

We owe a lot to him.

Rest in peace, brother!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 15, 2014, 12:03:19 PM
I was not home the night he died and when checking my voice mail there was a call from him. The words were unintelligible and short. Upon hearing of his death the next day my blood chilled an I broke down. Not being there will haunt me forever as it was not often he reached out. Maybe I could have helped or it was already too late, but I wish I had been there to pick up his call. Not knowing is hurting me very much. 

Don't blame yourself. His words being unintelligible is a good sign that it was too late already. You should feel honored that he chose you to call when the end was near. That counts for much and is a great acknowledgement.

Quote from: Felix on July 20, 2014, 06:22:17 PM
I hope his family understands what good work he did and how much he mattered to so many people.

I hope so, too!

Goodbye my friend.

You will always be loved and remembered.

Am very saddened by the news of Nero's passing. His words and struggles touched my heart. I don't think I will ever look at the moon again without thinking of him.

Rest now friend and brother,
Rest in Peace

Kate

I remember Nero once jokingly said -after I put a picture of myself- "Sure this isnt the FTM section?"

Made my day...that remark still goes through my mind whenever I come out of the shower and have to see 'boymode' me (for now, my hair was cut short last year). It's been a long road since

I've been away visiting family for several weeks and just heard the sad news of Nero's passing.  I am shocked and saddened by his loss.  He was a good person and will be missed.  May he rest in peace.

Louise

I always loved reading his posts, a lot of insightful stuff. Wish I had gotten to know him better. Rest in peace Nero

I just found this post , but I had heard he passed away. I only interacted with him through posts and considered him a good friend I want to get to know. I'm glad I at least had the short time I had to know him. I am so sorry for this to have happened

There's something that has really been bothering me ever since this happened.

The very last thing that Nero did on this site, at 10:50 pm on the night before he was found dead, 5 minutes before logging off the site for the last time, was give me a rep point for this post, in which I was basically talking about how it's hard for anyone to understand us because they haven't gone through it, and so they're trying to frame it through their own experiences... therefore this is why some women think that trans men are transitioning just to gain male privilege, because they themselves often have frustration with being female due to social problems.

Knowing how many personal demons he had with his past, it's so hard to think that I might have triggered him on that night. I've been feeling so awful about it ever since. I really don't know what else to say, I just needed to get this off of my chest, because it's been weighing pretty heavily on me.

Sweetie, Nero was struggling with a lot of demons. The fact that he gave you a +1 should be seen as what it was, words he thought were worth reading. What you posted wouldn't have been the cause of what happened. Don't let it burden you.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on August 09, 2014, 05:36:38 AM
There's something that has really been bothering me ever since this happened.

The very last thing that Nero did on this site, at 10:50 pm on the night before he was found dead, 5 minutes before logging off the site for the last time, was give me a rep point for this post, in which I was basically talking about how it's hard for anyone to understand us because they haven't gone through it, and so they're trying to frame it through their own experiences... therefore this is why some women think that trans men are transitioning just to gain male privilege, because they themselves often have frustration with being female due to social problems.

Knowing how many personal demons he had with his past, it's so hard to think that I might have triggered him on that night. I've been feeling so awful about it ever since. I really don't know what else to say, I just needed to get this off of my chest, because it's been weighing pretty heavily on me.

It's hard not to do this kind of analysis when a person dies. You aren't responsible for how he was feeling, no matter what you said.

This is really the essence of why I think we have to devote every bit of strength we have to surviving whatever comes our way. Death doesn't erase the experiences of those still alive.

Carrie, I agree with the others. I'm sure your post had nothing to do with what happened to Nero. It's a natural human reaction to go over your interactions with someone after they die and try to figure out if there's something you could have done differently; to wonder if there's something you could have done to prevent it. I've felt that way, too. So many people in this thread have mentioned how they saw Nero's posts and always wanted to PM him. Well, I was one of the ones who did exchange PMs with him. Shortly before the last time he logged off the site. In one of those PMs I asked him if he was okay, to which he didn't respond, but responded to a different PM later. It's easy to look back on that now and feel guilt that I should have pressed harder to make sure he was okay, or let him know that I was there if he needed me, or... something. But the reality is, I don't know what happened to Nero. I don't know why he died. He might not have been trying to avoid answering that PM at all. It might have just slipped his mind, as often does mine, or any number of things. Even the notion that his death was in any way intentional, as far as I can see, is just speculation.

So please don't feel bad. I'm sure your post in no way contributed to what happened that night. If anything, your post probably made him smile, seeing as he gave you a +1 for it. Hold onto that image, instead. The image of him smiling because of something you said.

Just to clear the nature of Nero's death.

He did not suicide.

No one has any responsibility for Nero's death.