Here's something I never thought I'd do in a million years, and that was before I transitioned...give a speech in front of a room of people!

I'm not shy, I've taught evening college (cartooning) and I've done incredibly personal group shares about my life/feelings at self growth workshops. But I haven't done a speech before. I think it's fair to say speeches are a different beast entirely. I was asked to give a speech some ten years ago, about technology and it's social impacts...I agreed initially but then became so $#*^ scared petrified at the prospect I pulled out. I swore never again would I agree to do something like that. Never.

Then somehow I got roped into delivering a speech on behalf of staff about our recently departed boss at her official farewell. For some reason I agreed, but only if I shared the podium with another staff member (the one that suggested the speech in the first place...that'll teach her!!). Long story short, I felt fairly calm up until it was time for speeches to start, I had worked out my part of the speech with my speech partner (who was equally nervous, BTW), run the speech past a colleague who said it was great...but wow, was I getting nervous or what. There were about 70 guests... I think I drank a glass of red wine in about two minutes!

Thing is, I wasn't in the slightest bit nervous about being trans and speaking in front of a room of people, I was just nervous about speaking in front of a room of people!

The speech went great though. It was funny and poignant and short (less than ten minutes between the two of us). I could see my colleague's hands were trembling slightly when she gave her part which made me feel better about my trembling hands! The ex-boss was very touched (as were many others in the room apparently) and I got a lot of compliments afterwards from colleagues and other guests including our organisation's President.

So, whew! What a rush!

Wonder when I can do it again!

Life, the final frontier
This is the voyage of the USS Grace
Her life long mission to explore life and seek out new experiences
To boldly go where the male could not! 

PS-Somebody had to have back pain meds today! 

Congrats in all seriousness Grace! You have just blossomed and become a role model for all here, thanks! 

Well done Grace! 

But .....you are blazing a trail that is becoming very hard to follow!! 

I had another meeting with our HR partner yesterday and the Diversity leader was there too.  I offered to present to the Diversity Champions after I am back from FFS and full time.  We have about 40 of those!! Then I also offered to be there when all the BU HR partners are told that will involve me leading the discussion a bit.  These are the people who advise the executive team.  This will be BEFORE I am full time!  I stopped and actually said "I am sure I won't enjoy it but it will probably be good for me".

What was I thinking???  Guess it show you are never too old to try new things and grow.

Grace, I am interested and a little bit apprehensive about what comes next!

Thanks ladies!

It's hard to know if I would have been giving that speech if I hadn't transitioned. My life has certainly gone off on an interesting, unexpected but not unwelcome tangent since I went full time. I think it's in large part because I feel like I met the challenge of my fear and self doubts months ago, speaking in public is nothing compared to that!

Funny that.  I don't mind giving presentations.  I just hate listening to the recordings after....

Is it weird that now, some days afterwards I'm starting to worry a little bit about what other people were thinking at the time, especially about if I was trans and/or how I presented/passed?? It's not much of a worry but it is nibbling away in the back of my mind. Ugh. Stupid mind nibbling doubt thing!! I know all is good but I hate it when this happens.

Quote from: Ms Grace on August 02, 2014, 07:39:30 PM
Is it weird that now, some days afterwards I'm starting to worry a little bit about what other people were thinking at the time, especially about if I was trans and/or how I presented/passed?? It's not much of a worry but it is nibbling away in the back of my mind. Ugh. Stupid mind nibbling doubt thing!! I know all is good but I hate it when this happens.

I think standing up and presenting is always something that you go over time and again once you've done it. Often there's a bit of a buzz when you've just finished, because you know that not everyone's got the, ummm, chutzpah to get up and talk in front of people and because, well, we know we're just wonderful for getting up there and all that stuff. Then, a bit later, you remember that really "funny" off the cuff thing you said, and you wonder if that smile you got from so and so was perhaps more a look of pity than admiration.....? Aaaagh.....it's just normal, I think

And, in your case Grace, this is all multiplied several times because you were in front of people you know and because you'd not given such a speech before as Grace. I hope that's not too bleurgh!

As you say "it's all good" but it really is, and you'll just do even better next time. Honest!   

Any time I've had to stand up and speak in front of a crowd I've always managed it better than my fears led me to expect I could, and I've always sooner or later replayed any ungraceful or odd parts in my head and worried about how I was seen by the people listening.

Even just not chickening out is an accomplishment, but it sounds like you did really well. Congratulations.

Ms. Grace, I didn't hear your speech, but from your posts on the forum you sound like a fantastic speaker, who can really put words together in a positive, affirming, and kind-hearted way.

I bet everyone left thinking about what a wonderful speech you gave, and how appropriate it was for the occasion.

Quote from: rosinstraya on August 02, 2014, 07:51:48 PM
Then, a bit later, you remember that really "funny" off the cuff thing you said, and you wonder if that smile you got from so and so was perhaps more a look of pity than admiration.....? Aaaagh.....it's just normal, I think

That's right, were they laughing with me or at me??

Quote from: Felix on August 03, 2014, 02:06:41 AM
Any time I've had to stand up and speak in front of a crowd I've always managed it better than my fears led me to expect I could, and I've always sooner or later replayed any ungraceful or odd parts in my head and worried about how I was seen by the people listening.

Even just not chickening out is an accomplishment, but it sounds like you did really well. Congratulations.

Thanks Felix, the doubts have fortunately receded now. And I have to admit I spent the week beforehand really hoping that the company President would veto the idea of staff giving a speech. But life wasn't going to let me get off that easy!

Quote from: pianoforte on August 03, 2014, 04:34:48 PM
Ms. Grace, I didn't hear your speech, but from your posts on the forum you sound like a fantastic speaker, who can really put words together in a positive, affirming, and kind-hearted way.

I bet everyone left thinking about what a wonderful speech you gave, and how appropriate it was for the occasion.

I think it was definitely helped by the fact that I choked up with emotion at "exactly the right moment". I hadn't intended to, I had written the line yet hadn't realised that it could be a bit emotional for me to actually say it out aloud...but it was. I think that's what bought a tear to a few eyes.

as long as your audience weren't visibly bored to death or uncomfortable, the speech went well.
if people actually paid attention, you have reason to celebrate your success.

the only thing that people really wish for on those occasions where speeches seem almost obligatory, is that they won't be bored to death or embarrassed on the speaker's behalf. your speech was good. everybody who listened knows they wouldn't be able to do it better than you. any mistake is long since forgotten (apart from funny ones, those are remembered for eternity).