Hi,

Why don't these trans feeling just go away???




Im not sure were to start, back 2 years ago I came out to my Mum and Dad and most of my family.

Everybody was really supportive when I told them and for about 1 week after, once the idea set in that all changed!

Mum and I started fighting everyday and she started to get depressed and not sleeping at night. The rest of my family would not stop quizzing me and telling me how this would never work and trying to changed my mind.

After about 6 months I just stopped talking about it, and acted as if it never happened, now 2 years latter everything is back to normal.

As much as I was hoping, these trans feelings have never dissipeared I did manage to suppress them for a little while, but its gotten to the point were I now feel trapped, stressed and lost.

I still live at home (Aged 22) considering moving out, because I feel it's my only option to work. But if I do that it will destroy my mum.



When I came out to my I went and seen a Gender Therapist, I was diagnosed as an MTF and HRT was recommended. When the happened things really got bad with my family and I just stopped going.

So long story short, I never started HRT and never went anywhere.... I'm still at square one and I feel trapped and ashamed this will never change!




Any advice would be great! I really just needed to vent and get this off my chest.

Hi Honey,

Well my advice is that you are 22, have a therapist can go on HRT and live your life.

It is all your choice! Find your own place and start being you.

MMM

Many of us have spent too many years living our life to suit others rather than looking after ourselves.  I don't know of any case where dysphoria disappeared without hrt.  Dysphoria has a habit of returning more strongly as the years pass by.  Plenty of thinking required. Your therapist will be invaluable as will be support groups.  There are many folk on Susans who will listen and share their experience, perspectives and advice.  This is really all about determining what sort of life you wish to lead and then implementing your plan.

Safe travels

Aisla

Firstly, I think I should warn that my perspective could be, and probably is, heavily biased by projection of my life since I also initially came out to family at a slightly younger age and experienced a roughly similar process of it being totally erased as time passed. Also, obviously only you can ultimately judge what you need and what the best outcome will be but, based on your description, I don't think simply trying to ignore or suppress the dysphoria will work well in the long-term. As said above, it commonly consumes people and intensifies as time passes until there's a mountain of toxic emotions and life regrets. In my view, you deserve better than that and it isn't selfish to seek therapy or transition when you require it for your fundamental ability to experience happiness or to even exist in the world. For me, it's arbitrary social ideas and how they're instilled in everyone that's the problem, it's utterly wrong to expect you to suffer to preserve arbitrary gender and sex designations. While I think your empathy for those you love is admirable, you're deeply entitled to empathy too. People can change their ideas if they're not stubborn, you're very unlikely to be able to change your experience of a deeply-rooted gender. Good luck with whatever path you choose to pursue and I hope it brings you joy.

As an aside, may I ask if where you live has social housing that can be applied for? And, if so, do they give priority to people with vulnerable statuses? If that's the case then you can at least perhaps plan to leave quickly if needed and your income is relatively low.

Harsh reality is that everything we do is a choice. So choose to live your life for yourself first since, you have to live with yourself all the time. A place of your own would go a long way toward giving you some peace while your family adapts.

Hi Magic, sorry to hear how you feel. I don't think it's possible for these feelings to go away, it's who you are and who you need to be. Yes, you can suppress it but will you live a happy life? It sucks to hear that, I think as they saw just exactly what you were talking about it scared them. No one can change this and it can work. Don't listen to anyone else, you can be the person you're supposed to be. Please stay strong and don't let anyone get in your way. If you need to move out and start working then that would be a good start if you plan on transitioning.

You've seen a gender therapist and you've been diagnosed, are you able to see one again? They're very helpful when it comes to transition. Things will change and they can change for the better! Feel free to vent whenever you need, we're all here to help. Good luck with everything.