I haven't been able to "come out". I don't feel comfortable about it and I don't feel it's the right time to do it because I don't feel I know enough about myself. I'm not sure at which stage I should "come out". I don't know if becoming non-binary or androgyne is "transitioning" in the sense I understand it; I don't feel like it is.

I'm finding a therapist too and found one I think I'll like and can afford to pay. Maybe it's safer to think about it once I've had a chance to speak about it with someone and get a better understanding of myself?

I found it easier to wait until I understood a little more about myself.   Yes, talking to your therapist first might be a good idea.  Not only can they help you to know more about yourself, they should be able to give you suggestions about coming out.

the first few times I had to come out to someone were the worst.  I always had a written letter with me so that if I couldn't say the words I could let them read the letter - and had to use it once.   The last couple of times it ha been easier.

I have found that most people are more accepting that you expect them to be.

Good luck!

I think that's a good idea. I feel like it'll be easier if I can understand myself better. I don't have support or anybody I can speak to. I couldn't be feeling any lonelier. Sometimes I feel I'll never accept myself or I'll never feel comfortable about myself. I worry a lot about that.

I might write a letter. It might help organize my thoughts and how I feel about myself and my gender. Did it help? What are some of the hardest things about telling someone? I know it's personal to everybody. I don't think any of my worries are anything other people haven't felt or thought about.

You are right, writing out a letter helps you to organize your thoughts.   I find that whenever I go to come out to someone my anxiety goes through the ceiling and it gets hard for me to say anything.  Having written a letter (or made a list) I have already decided what I need to say and so can just start outing myself by talking the letter and then, as I relax a little, going into my own words.   It just takes a little of the pressure off.    Also, one time I couldn't bring myself to speak and just handed the letter to a friend - it wasn't the best way, but it broke the ice and things ended well.

Quote from: Alexi on July 31, 2014, 09:55:40 AM
I don't have support or anybody I can speak to. I couldn't be feeling any lonelier. Sometimes I feel I'll never accept myself or I'll never feel comfortable about myself. I worry a lot about that.

I feel the same way.  Even though I have come out to family and one friend, I still find myself very lonely.   While my family is all accepting of my trans status, they just cannot understand and I can tell they feel uncomfortable when I start explaining too much.  That is why a therapist and friends going through the same things you are are so important.   Susan's can help fill some of that need.   See a therapist, and then as you become more accepting of yourself, think about attending a support group to make local friends.

I still have trouble accepting myself.  But being around my therapist and others who accept me as I am unconditionally has made me more willing to accept myself gender weirdness and all.  I still have a long way to go, but I am sure denial would just make it worse.

I think for everyone the hardest thing about coming out to others is that there is always a chanced we won't be accepted - that we will be laughed at or told how wrong we are.   I find that those close to me I usually expect to accept me - but since they are close to me, losing them as a friend would be worse.   Thus telling those close is very hard.   I haven't had the experience of telling friends who are not as close.  My guess is this will be just as hard because I have less expectation of acceptance.

The other hard part of coming out is that those around us will usually have seen nothing about us that made them think we a trans.  They see this as a sudden change in who we are - and in their perception of us it is a big change.   But we have this lifetime history of hidden events that we can look back at and say, ' Look there I was acting out trans.'    And there is no way to really make that clear to other people.

Quote from: Alexi on July 31, 2014, 09:55:40 AM
I don't think any of my worries are anything other people haven't felt or thought about.

While we are all trans in different ways, I think you will find most of your worries have been shared by many of us here at Susan's.   Feel free to ask about anything or send a pm to members you think might be helpful to you.

Going back to your first post, don't feel you need to come out right away.  Learn a bit about yourself first.  Become a bit more accepting of who you are.   It is your life.   If you feel there are others who need to know or would feel better yourself if you aren't keeping this a secret from them, then go ahead.  But don't feel you are required to tell others before you are ready to do so.

My initial coming out was an accident. Normally I closed the windows after 8:00pm which is when I would be in girl mode the rest of the day. This particular day I forgot about it and just as I was about to drop everything to close them, I said screw it. I left the window open the rest of the night. Next day I wore a denim skirt out in the neighborhood. The idea was I thought people might confuse it for shorts. The thought of that made it easier to pull it off. Eventually I got enough confidence to come out for real. I don't regret it so far, however I'm still not out at work. I've contacted HR and they are on my side and we're going to out me soon and I'll be Ashley full time by the end of the month.

Ok not experienced at this really but will offer some advice that may or may not help. I have done it once to my mother that's it so far yet old enough with some wisdom or I hope so that may help.

The big obstacle of coming out really is not the other person but the fear itself.  As stated above do it when you are comfortable to do so and with the for thought  of what you are going to say and to whom.

If it is someone close such as a true friend they will accept they might fight against it for a time due to shock but they will accept. 

Then there are the ones that you are not sure and best method for those type is if you can be patient (which is hard at times) and test waters with some question or not so obvious remark and judge their reaction.  Then later come at them with the truth and they might remember that off comment or question and have less shock thereby more accepting.

The biggest thing to think of is this put yourself in their shoes and think how you would react if you were them.  This is by no means foolproof but it might give you and edge on smoothing the message out with less shock.

For the most part just relaying other posts I have read with a bit of wisdom on fear.  All that being said saying is one thing and doing I another.  If you need to meditate or calm self as much as you can before hand maybe something as simple as some deep breaths:)

When I came out, the most common response was "well duh" I was male fail from birth so very few people were surprised. I have found that the ones who are surprised are the ones who refuse to accept you. It gets easier the more you do it.

The only exception to all of this is "family" I always knew they would refuse me because of their religion cult.

I believe that even very few cis gay people can understand the isolation that we can feel at times.