Quote from: Monkeymel on July 31, 2014, 04:56:05 AM
The date was organized around the end of march - so 4 months is about right. Getting the international payments sorted took a while (my bank used an intermediary bank). But obviously all good.

-SQUEEE- That's good ^^ I was a bit worried about that as it's difficult to get solid info sometimes

You are the best Thailand SRS scout

Hi Melissa

Glad to hear that the recovery is coming along.  Love your writing and how you express just how it feels and what's going on.  It's almost like I'm there in the recovery room myself, and this is a really valuable insight.  Keep the posts coming when you feel up to it and the angel delight fairies leave you alone.

I'm thinking Thailand too as it's fairly close, so this thread is doubly golden.

And keep getting enough rest

A night not to remember

Yesterday was another busy day filled with strenuous activities such as sleeping; talking; sipping Ovaltine Soy Milk (tastes like porridge) and more sleeping. Some good highlights rolling onto the side for a bed wash - so refreshing for the back. And itches you cannot scratch... Ooooh nice.

I was looking forward to a nice soporific evening of sleep but somehow reality and delerium intermixed. Once I forced myself to be awake it was fine; but the half sleep was really weird - the boundaries between dreams and reality blurring. Sweating I thought i might be feverish but the night nurse confrmed 36.1 so not too bad. A long night - one I hopefully won't have to repeat for a while.

Coming on line... Looking good. A phrase from ISDN... Well that seems to be the sensation of the clitoris - or at least something is alive down there. Strange feelings from the stretched neovagina and more itches which cannot be scratched. Relearning what they mean will be interesting - but patience must be at the front. I don't want to damage what I have.

Soon the head nurse will arrive to remove the bandages and drains. Apparently not the most comfortable of experience but I'll update once I have climbed down from the ceiling.

One other nice thing was getting to see my official gender change certificate describing roughly the procedures undertaken. It has been five days since I last saw my crotch and it certainly will have changed a lot since then. The anticipation is there. Along with - what have I done? And wow. As I'm pretty sure most patients feel - nervous with the outcome and looking forward to the future

I have been provided a long list of medications and schedule - this will be interesting. But at least I will be allowed to stand and walk today. And empty my catheter hourly. Seems I'm drinking a lot which is good. I can't wait for the catheter to be removed - probably Monday - as then I can shower (hopefully). Until then delicate bed washes and lots of pads.

SRS is amazing surgery but one definitely not to be taken lightly.

The first reveal

This is probably the dream of every MTF - the first unpacking to see the results of the doctors work. I have to say I was very impressed. There is a lot of skin; a clitoris which I had felt for a while, a slight sting on the cotton wool bud scale. And a catheterized uretha.

No this is not a porn star vagina - but the requested zebra fish implants could be clearly seen flashing in the light. Petzel head lamps have a new meaning now. The good doctor did say the teeth will slowly mature in the next months and that the muscle loop for hooking up a kettlebell should be ready soon. Need to practice those pelvic floor exercises

One of the really nice things of having the packaging removed is to scratch. Really scratch. Most unladylike like but the back bum and legs really needed it. I could write an ode to scratching - lightly of course - don't want claw marks just yet.

Removing the two pubic drains was nowhere near as painful as others have claimed. Or maybe I was just lucky. But it is strange feeling them carefully removed from the body. The thick wads between the legs also go - meaning things are slightly more comfortable for laying and relaxing. No more giant diaper.
Again nothing really painful in this process - just taking each step as it comes.

So packaging removed; everyone agreeing it all looks good including my hello kitty mirror (I'm proud of that) and it was time to sit up and get dressed. Now put your hand up if you have laid down in a bed for 5 days and not sitting upright. If your hand isn't raised then be prepared. The first time you stand up you will probably fall over. Then the nausea will hit. And if you are really well prepared you can sit back down and relax. Yes that's right. You are a little old lady now and be thankful for the help of the staff. Super girls don't fly... They crash on the floor. Fortunately I chose the little old lady approach; was helped to get dressed and moved very slowly to the car back to the hotel. And wheelchair back to room.

I really admire those traveling on their own. I'm a regular gym bunny and this experience really knocked me for six. So now I'm in the next stage of recovery - relaxing at the hotel and being pampered. Packing and dilation schedule will start on Monday. Until then regularly drinking lots and lots of water and emptying bags and healing healing healing.

And those who have been before will understand
"Yay I'm whole; I've done it!"
Thank you to all those who have been before and made it so easy now

Hi Melissa,
Again very graphic descriptions, leaving little room to imagine that the first days post-op are anything other than very unpleasant. It must be a huge relief to you to be finally "up and about", even if in little old lady mode... 

Much better to know all of that in advance though, especially when adding BA surgery to the mix. I'm beginning to think this little adventure will be right up there with 6 weeks commando training I did in the Pyrenees in Nov-Dec 1979 ie. brutal!

In another way, it's still very encouraging though as your operation was only four days ago and four days is not huge in the greater scheme of things.  I'll be curious to know how much you are capable of moving over the days ahead, expecting it will improve very significantly when the catheter comes out (Monday or Tuesday?).

Also delighted to know that you actually liked what you saw when all the bandages etc. were removed. You can no doubt expect appearance to evolve a lot over the weeks and months ahead but, as they say " you have only one opportunity to make a good first impression" . So like with a mother who sees her newborn for the first time, I hope this first impression marks the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship 

With that, since yesterday was my last day at work and today is bright and sunny (before yet another weekend of thunderstorms), I'm off for a long roller blading session along the tow path of my favorite canal south west of Strasbourg.

No doubt get back to you later, maybe by PM.

Wishing you all the best!
Donna

EEEEEEE!

Happy unpacking day! xD

I can only imagine how strange being so frail and slow etc must be for a gym bunny, but it seems like you have the right mentality to cope with it ^^

Wishing you a happy recovery time!!!

Coughing

Now here's a thing. How many people have been asked to cough whilst some doctor holds your testicles? Yes there is a link in the internal fascia and connective tissues. Now what happens when they are removed and the tissues connected to different muscle groups - and you cough. Yes that's right. Instant awwl. So the simple moral is - don't cough and certainly try not to let food go down the wrong way. Fortunately I've only had to cough a couple of times but I'm going to make sure I don't choke on anything.

So the first night back at the hotel - minor bleeding on my knicker pads which is to be expected. And uncomfortable sensations around the catheter. Since the painkiller tramadol tends to give me lucid dreaming I opted not to take one for the night. I still managed to sleep for 3-4 hours at a time - emptying catheter bag every so often. And enjoying a refreshing cool Gatorade (yellow one). The clinic also does an amazing hot soy drink which can be found at Tesco - ovaltine "soy drink". It's a powder sachet to add to hot water and is very porridge like.

So the outlook for today - well lots of bed rest. And making sure I roll to one side to relieve the pressure on my bum. And walking to the bathroom. Strength returned quite quickly but still sometimes a little dizzy. Since there is not much body fat my energy has to come from what I drink. I hate to think what my body weight is as I lost 3kg in the 3 day purge, and have not consumed much more since. But I am so looking forward to starting solids again. I'm not a big meat eater - but fish and eggs sound great.

I know a lot of people writing on Susan's may be desperately hoping for their turn - and it will come if you have patience. I waited 30 years for this (I'm 39 now) - it is truly amazing experience to be here. But patience is important as it allowed me to live a life where I am able to appreciate everything I am going through. And to choose the best care. Yes I had times of Dysphoria but I refused to let them rule my life. When I return home my partner will have moved out - a load of furniture will be gone - and lots of things in boxes. But we do this as great friends - both our lives taking different paths at the same time.

Life can be a bed of roses
And the thorns can be just under the surface
It's your perspective on life which makes you feel the thorns or smell the fragrances and relish the colours.

Quote from: Monkeymel on August 01, 2014, 09:18:07 PM
Coughing

I know a lot of people writing on Susan's may be desperately hoping for their turn - and it will come if you have patience. I waited 30 years for this (I'm 39 now) - it is truly amazing experience to be here. But patience is important as it allowed me to live a life where I am able to appreciate everything I am going through. And to choose the best care. Yes I had times of Dysphoria but I refused to let them rule my life. When I return home my partner will have moved out - a load of furniture will be gone - and lots of things in boxes. But we do this as great friends - both our lives taking different paths at the same time.

Life can be a bed of roses
And the thorns can be just under the surface
It's your perspective on life which makes you feel the thorns or smell the fragrances and relish the colours.

I can only agree with you on this Melissa. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, we have only one life and it is important to take everything we can from each day, even when not living the life we think we should be living.

Regarding that, it is impossible right now to avoid the images from Gaza and yesterday, during the short-lived truce, a lot of people went "home" to see what was left after the fighting only to find a wasteland of destroyed buildings where once those homes had been.  Seeing the look of utter desolation on the faces of these people was pretty devastating and honestly makes our problems pale by comparaison.

Yesterday evening the images were from Gaza but we all know they could have been from a lot of other places too since on top of the man made disasters there are many places where natural disasters also regularly take a very heavy toll.

So yeah, no matter where we are in life, it is so important to be able to see the beauty that exists in each of our living days when we know how to look for it, always bearing in mind that we are mortal no matter what. As you very correctly say, end of the day it's our perspective which ultimately determines whether we feel the thorns or relish the colours.

Now, that being said, I woke up this morning to see a heavy grey sky which means there are bugger all colours to relish...    But, while this means I will not go roller blading as I had planned (too dangerous if it starts raining), I will go for a cycle instead.

More seriously, it has been fascinating to see how the content of your posts from Bangkok have evolved since (only) last Tuesday. Mentally, you are already very much back on your feet, even able to chose to take a pain-killer or not to get through the night.  That's pretty neat and very encouraging, as is the fact that you seem to be able to get around pretty OK.

So while the words "desperately hoping for my turn" would certainly not describe my own state of mind, I am definitely getting quite impatient now to get over there and put this surgery behind me. I am also truely looking forward to seeing you and very happy that we were able to meet up and get to know each other a little before you went out. On that particular subject, I hope that this autumn, as we both adjust to new realities, that this budding relationship, born through a unique shared experience, will continue to grow and blossom.

Wishing you all the very best!
Donna

Hiya Mel

You are doing so well... it is impresive.  I think we are all blown over (almost literally) by how physically incapacitated we are post surgery.  On the day after my FFS I needed two people to help me out of bed.  But today I managed to go to the market and whip up a glorious batch of summer ratatoulli AND get my nails done    If all of you were here I'd be treating you to this gorgeous happy dish with some hunks of cheese and good bread.   I think you might be a little way from getting to the market, but getting to the gym might be a bit closer.

There is something extremely positive about knowing that you can commence a new chapter when you return home, not just emotionally but in a physical and spatial sense as well.  We've been dealt a very unusual hand of cards (one king, one queen and a few jokers!), and at least we've been given the opportunity to give up the king and hold on to the queen he he he!

As far as the dysphoria goes, I think some of us have been extremely lucky to have been able to hold out until we were ready to make the change, while being able to make our lives meaningful despite knowing that our bodies were all wrong.   I will confess myself a little envious of you and Donna, but certainly not desperate (well, definitely not for zebra-fish fluorescent labia or Dolby surround sound, thank you very much!)   But I pretty much know that I will be experiencing summer in Bangkok in 2015. 

More reflections on my FFS thread in a bit, but I wish you a speedy ongoing recovery and look forward to your next posts.

With much affection and several hugs from Madrid
J/A

Days tick by

I just realized I hadn't updated in a day or two. Essentially because nothing changes and the days kind of roll into one. The nurse came by yesterday (Saturday) checked sensation and stitches and saw there was minimal bleeding and left... After reassuring me that the occasional stinging sensations from the catheter were normal. Since there is very little pain or discomfort it wasn't necessary for more tramadol which puts me more into a warm cozy place than anything else.

One thing the clinic does ensure is that you follow your pill regime pretty accurately. Antibiotics four times a day (1 hour before eating) and anti inflammatories and paracetamol after. Until the packing is removed eating is still mainly liquid only - I've added a mashed banana with sugar today (Sunday) together with my hot soy drink. And regular water intake. Sometimes with hot tea and honey. Tonight room service delivered Clear soup (the portion to the room is much bigger than served in restaurant but costs the same) and spring rolls (for mum). I did cheat with a spring roll - eaten slowly as tomorrow I'm allowed solids.

Last night was a very sleepless night. Not because of discomfort - but just my brain was over active and would not settle. It did not help that I had slept from 2100-2300 (pill time) because that kind of removed the edge. Eventually sleeping around 0400 for two hours (pill time) and having weird dreams about being TG and waking to massive sweats and shivers. Remember girls there are no hormones in our body now and the hot flushes will hit you from time to time. And the sudden fatigue.

Using tramadol as a sedative after breakfast helped a lot. A warm cozy place to allow the hours to flow past whilst thinking through plans for the future. It also helped some decisions to be made clearly which my over active mind was ways seeing from 3 angles. Now I could just see the future and was happy. It also kick started me to take a grip of my recovery and start training myself to sit - using the Simpsons Dream Donut. First for an hour (then I really needed to lay down) and later for 30 minutes (more comfortable this time).

Another aspect to learn is changing panty liners. And the types and sizes. Wings or not? Clearly I'm still oozing - not sure from where - but it is not strong flow so I'm not worried. The dilation tomorrow will certain make this more of a problem. You should aim to change 2-3 times a day - and make sure you buy plenty before going into surgery. The clinic provides some - but if you run out on a day the nurse doesn't come (Sundays) then it's a pain.

The liquid diet and medication mean you will not need to take any number two's for at least four days. But there will be gas. A lot of it. And with blood around your nether regions it is useful to have the damp Andrex wipes to refresh yourself - and clean. Whatever happens let it out - don't strain or hold in. You are going through an accelerated baby growing process - they don't care - and neither should you.

I mentioned before that my skin is very itchy and sore. This can also be because of liver being overloaded with medication - or just a long period of inactivity. Calomine lotion can be found in Boots; or bring some aleo Vera or other soothing lotion. You will probably need it. My biggest surprise is that I am not sporting any bruises. I discolor very easily - ranging from green yellow purple - but so far I'm staying at red / pink even one week post op. I guess the anti inflammatories and antibiotics are working well.

Everyone talks about random reconnections of bodywork down below. Yes I'm getting some weird feelings which can't be placed. Whether due to the public drains (two tubes now removed), connective tissues which no longer connect to testicles, or the catheter moving around inside the bladder. I'm just trying to relax and let the brain understand that things are different now. New connective tissues will form and this takes many weeks. And no matter how much I miss it; I will not be doing yoga or ballet exercises down there until things are safely relaxed. In 3-4 months.

So far I've not switched on the TV in the hotel. And although the nurses wanted me to watch one of the 8 or so movie channels in the clinic; my eyes would close within minutes. Which is why I hadn't picked up on world affairs. It is always amazing how humanity can treat itself so badly over different views and opinions whilst those watching grow numb from it all. I wish there was more acceptance of different beliefs and tolerance but everyone has to be right.... Which is wrong.

Food glorious food...

My packing came out this morning - and what a relief that was. It is held in place with sutures to ensure it doesn't come out to early... And the new sensations on the inside of my body were hard to describe. Sometimes a sting. Sometimes a relief. Sometimes a sensation towards the bowel which causes a sharp reflex. All new... And all looking good inside.

Having good relaxation techniques will be very important for any future dilation. The first test with #1 was comfortable and a nice depth (same as most women's) and discomfort free. Healing is going exceptionally well and bruising and swelling are virtually non existent. I realise I am a very lucky lady and out this down to being physically fit with a good training of the deep core muscles. Or I have a nice guardian angel.

Although still catheterized I was allowed to shower - how blissful to allow warm water to run down your body and it looks right. Although my weight loss (at least 5kg) has also bad an impact. The best thing though is being able to eat. A treat of two Highlanders Shortbread biscuits and a cup of earl grey tea. Delicious...

For lunch We didn't want to overdo it so ordered a simple omelette from the service menu. Since they know I was at the clinic we received a much larger meal with 2 American style sausages; fried sliced meat; sautéed potatoes and grilled tomatoes, toast and omelette. In the end it was all eaten but not quite the small option we ordered. Together with Bioflorina (gut Bacteria) to help digestion after 10 days without solids. From nutrition perspective hold an iron will, eat slowly and chew properly. Your stomach will be greatful.

Together with all this came waves of emotion - relief and joy. Yes dilation will be a chore. But the major part is over in a week. And that's what you have to remember during the week... The days might blur, the nights might seem long with insomnia; but it is only for a short time and will pass...

An ode to catheter


You're in for a treat
When you wake from the op
A catheter inside
To make sure you don't pop

lay back and rest
Drink as much as you like
The catheter empties you
Without a wobbly hike

nurses look after you
Night through to day
They empty your levels
Drink more they say

But woe betide
The return to the hotel
Now it's your turn
To empty as well

Laying down in your bed
Get the tubing just right
You don't want to wake
With a kink in the night

Remember to drink
As the nurses did say
So you fiddle and faff
Night though to day

With a wobbly walk
From bedroom to loo
The catheter is your friend?
You know what to do

The days soon pass
And the catheter will be gone
And then you can rejoice
By reciting this song!

But do not forget
The sting in the tail
Removing that catheter
Try not to yell

(Thanks to Tramadol for the late night rhymes)

Yay. You're free of the stuffing - what a joy! 

I look forward to hearing how the dilations go.

And your ode to the catheter was just marvelous.

More later....  Have a physio here who wants to hurt me!

J/A

Nice to hear all the positive inputs, experiences and reflections!

Can't wait for my time in December.

How many days are you girls staying in total? Starting from surgery day (i.e. exclude the 3 days prior to surgery of bowel cleansing)?

30 day visa - although I since discovered you can pay a fine for a few extra days.
Arrived on the 24.07 - relaxed, had last meal, slept etc. 25.07-27.07 was purge and consultation. This is typical and will also depend upon days of week / weekends etc. Leaving on 22.08 which is exactly 30 days and was agreeed with the clinic in advance. So effectively 24 days recouperation.

Baby Steps

Today is a day of many firsts. And a day to relax. Indeed as a good friend said; being a women is about learning to relax with your body... And your mind.

The first bowel movement in 9 days. Sounds silly I know but it is easy to forget how to go - and the fear of damaging the new vagina always at the back of your mind. It was a real relief once this started working again but it is not an experience I want to repeat.

The first guided dilation - and the new experience to regularly be undertaken for most of my life. Having gone for such a major upgrade it really pays well to look after it. Inserting on #1 was pain free until it hit similar parts of the bowel which had only recently been used for the first time in 10 days. Overcoming that shock; learning to relax and in she went to full depth. 15 minutes today. 20 tomorrow. Then 2x20min.. Then. 3x30min...

First time having a catheter removed... So nice to be free of this but the sting in the tail for removal was eye watering.

First time peeing as a woman. Now this was very interesting because all the feedback from the old anatomy is no longer working. And the fear of burning pain (Ive had urine infections before) presented a real complex to overcome in the mind. Luckily a good friend sent a very funny email which helped reduce the anxiety and tension and suddenly your free - peeing as a woman. Baby wet wipes or Andrex wipes are really necessary but again I'm so impressed with the stitching of Dr Chettawut that there was no pain, discomfort and working pretty well. It still takes time time to relax but I'm free now.

First time to be able to lay on my side. So nice to release tension and stress on my bum. Laying down for effectively 9 days has had a real impact. But again no real brushing but inflammation over the coccyx can now subside.

First time to have freedom of movement of my legs. The catheter had been a point of discomfort which was on the inside of the leg and now that's gone. Relief

First time to see my body in a mirror without any Medical tapes or bandages or swelling. Myself. Free. Those who have been through this will understand the incredible emotions which wash over. And for those heading towards this process - it is amazing and relish this - and don't forget. Whether in a diary or with friends or on a forum. Freedom.

To misquote Gladiator. Now we are free!

Glad to hear you are up and about! And that you are resuming your "Normal functions" to some degree...even if they are somewhat...different now

i am genuinely surprised when you say there has been little to no swelling though! That is amazing given the short time period!

Are you sure you are not a super hero with regeneration powers? -peers-

Of course there is some swelling - it is natural and inevitable. But anti swelling medication is regularly consumed. But the lack of bruising is what surprises me most. When I look at my crotch it is clearly larger / swelling when compared to before. And it is very tender to touch with little sensation. But I'm not large and have apt of muscle there holding things in. Certainly I have to pat myself clean very lightly with baby wipes and I'm not exploring.

The nurse is happy that swelling is very minimal and recovery is fast. I don't think I have super powers. But I have trained in Reiki, and I can clear my mind to allow the body to relax. I have never drunk alcohol, taken drugs or smoked. I eat very healthy (finding all the salt fried foods here hard) and whilst I'm not vegan / vegetarian, I don't consume much red meat, but like tasty fish. Eat lots of nuts and dates and exercise... So just healthy. 

I'm finding your posts so interesting.  It really is so useful for us thinking about SRS or getting ready to do it, and I think your perspective is somehow unique.  Loved the poem too!

Glad to hear that the recovery is progressing well.  I had a catheter in once and I know the relief when that comes out.  Take the baby steps, and post again when you can.

Take care!

There is a monkey on the loose...


And her name is Mel. That was the first announcement I heard when leaving my room for breakfast this morning. The fact that it came from my mouth is irrelevant...

Today was really nice to take a long hot shower, wash my hair, blow dry, apply makeup and go downstairs for breakfast. Yes I did put some clothes on somewhere in between. A long flowing skirt which helps hide the fact that I was sitting on a partially inflated travel neck pillow. It's a lot more inconspicuous that the Simpsons Donut we got from the clinic. But it is also not so comfortable - but is ideal for a shorter breakfast stint. Boiled eggs, rashers of bacon. Protein. Except the bacon is too fried and salty for my tastes - and my stomach is still learning to digest foods again.

Returning to the room it was time to dilate (in front of the nurse) who checked it went in ok and rushed off to another patient (apparently 10 patients are here but I've not seen anyone recently). It is definitely a new experience learning this - old hands will have quickly forgotten those first days. Is the depth right? What's this discomfort on my bowel? Can it go further? Ah (sharp intake of breath) - yes it can. Learning to relax the body and the brain. Watching the time, or a video, or day dreaming to music... And soon the 20 minutes turned to 30 and over. But the soreness remained for most of the morning.

Lunchtime and again the monkey was free. Avocado wraps were small but delicious. And definitely not fried but low on the protein. I know that weight watchers don't like avocado but they are a healthy fat and delicious. I need fattening especially as I had discovered my weight had dropped to under 58kg - effectively 4kg loss in 10 days. Not a diet plan I would recommend especially as eating again results in a lot of flatuence and burping / indigestion  which almost crippled me this evening. Again the travel pillow was my friend for sitting but after the dilation this morning I was really sore between the legs. And welcomed a long relaxation in the bedroom during the afternoon.

A delicious evening meal of biriyani rice and vegetables was cut short by acute gas which crippled my intestines and stomach. Im trying to eat healthy but obviously it's not easy and my intestines which have been delicate for years are clearly having difficulty restarting. Retiring to my room with too much cola it was possible to relax and let out the gas. Most definitely not ladylike. But still no bowel movements... (I hardly ever drink cola but it can help).

Writing this after finishing tonight's dilation. Taking photos to discuss with the nurse tomorrow as judging depth with a painful bowel, and trying to see the marker lines in a mirror is not easy. But I think it worked properly. Passing wind during dilation is definitely not recommended - but in this instance I felt a deep muscle relax so perhaps it unblocked something. Again those who regularly dilate will probably understand what I mean. For those who are new... Just relax. Your learning to understand your body again.

Now one thing which does happen as the swelling subsides is the feelings change around the new genitals. Mtf may remember the feeling the trouser snake or soft tissues made in response to temperature changes / movements. Some of the nerves are still there and so when a portion of swelling subsides suddenly you become aware of movement in your knickers (not erectile; that tissue has gone). Sometimes when laying - sometimes when walking. Sometimes with a sudden jolt which stops you talking. Now where was I?... The thing is - your new body is talking to you. So take the time to relax and listen. Ideally laying in bed with some quiet music for an hour. Don't touch anything - you will damage your upgrade this early In the recovery. Instead just sense where the body parts are now. Let your body and brain learn. And rejoice in your new upgrade.

And with that it's time to curl up - upside down hanging from the tree branches I especially bad installed in my room!